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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think family days out are mis-sold and wish to complain?

245 replies

JustAnotherManicMunchie · 04/08/2021 20:52

Planned a lovely day out yesterday for my DC aged 10, 9 and 3 months. DC1 has ASD so takes some encouragement to get out of the house.

I spent ages planning and packing a picnic and headed off backpack in hand with visions of sunshine and the DC and I skipping through the meadows…

The reality was the DC bickered all the way to the venue, by the time we got there, DC1 was in a mood and dragging his sorry face along the ground ….

DC2 was fed up of DC1 and his endless rules.

Picked the baby up out of her car seat to find she’d had an explosive nappy all over her car seat . Cleaned up the baby whilst simultaneously trying to stop WW3 breaking out between the older two.

We carried on with our day and thought never mind, even Mary Poppins herself has blips … we can still skip in the meadows hand in hand al la perfect family style ….

We get to the playground at the venue and the DC are still bickering; before I can get to them , DC1 wallops DC2 under the wooden bridge like a troll clubbing the Billy Goats Shock . The pair of them scrapping whilst the world looks on like they’re at a paid for title fight.

So embarrassed, I hauled them out of the park and we went for a walk. I’d paid £35 to get in, we were not leaving until we had at least some fake happy family photos ….

DC2 then tripped over a tree and skinned his knees , cue screaming like an injured wild animal. We left.

Today …. Is another day I thought…. Again , bundled them in the car and I promised myself today would be better and true family day out.

Twenty minutes in to the journey, I was screeching like a deranged lunatic over the pair of them ducking fighting and arguing again. I told them they were ruining family days out and I was so sick of their selfish bickering. I really lost my shit and told them they were making family life miserable and I wanted to go home and forget the day out ….

We went on to the seaside and had a fabulous time Grin … before getting in the car and enduring a meltdown for the whole journey home.

I think I’ve been mis sold family days out and I’d like a refund on all the family days out we’ve ever had which follow the exact same pattern ….

Can anyone point me in the right direction? Grin

AIBU ?

OP posts:
shellstarbarley · 05/08/2021 10:02

Love this so true. We don't really do family days out anymore as so stressful. I have an autistic child and a husband who gets embarrassed easily - so when DS had meltdowns he would run and hide so don't bother anymore. I took them a few places on my own and that was easier because if there were any meltdowns I just let them run their course than try and stop them or apologize to everyone around for the noise and behaviour. Mine are older now and happy to go no where. I was looking at my FB memories yesterday and realised how much I missed these days out - although at the time they were hard work. I would love to do it all again but if I did I bet I would regret it!!!

TheVolturi · 05/08/2021 10:02

I'm sorry op but this made me chuckle because it sounds so similar to our days out!
I often see people out with their kids that look like they're behaving and not killing each other, but you only see a snapshot of other people's day don't you. It's normal (sadly) for kids to bicker and be arseholes.

sHREDDIES19 · 05/08/2021 10:09

It does actually make me feel better that many others feel the same pain as me! I look around and it seems as if all other siblings are just getting along fine but I imagine they all have their moments. Mine seem to have them more than others it appears. 5 year old is the usual suspect for arguments.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 05/08/2021 10:11

@Spudlet not much brings tear to my eyes but that story had me weeping with laughter!! Absolutely brilliant!

BlueLobelia · 05/08/2021 10:12

See I want DH to read this thread. he always moans at me when DS1 is having a full on autistic meltdown or just a regular hissy shit fit 'Why is our child the only one who behaves like this?'

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 05/08/2021 10:14

@Soubriquet

We actually have decent days out with the kids. They behave really well.

My dh on the other hand is the one who’s moaning and miserable. Usually he fakes a smile and puts up with it and then lets out the moaning when he gets home

Occasionally he will be quiet whilst out and about so he doesn’t snap

Rarely, he will snap.

But there we go

My ex was like that - ha hated things not going to plan, and if we didn't stick to the exact running order he'd get cranky even if it didn't matter. Ie deciding to stop for lunch at 1pm rather than 12.30pm because we decided to browse in a shop. He also didn't like it when he couldn't visualise the day, if he'd never been there before, he'd be miserable and stressed out.

Funnily enough days out now I'm single are 100x better

Mum45678 · 05/08/2021 11:00

My days out with my two are 50% amazing and 50% drain the life out of me. However they are much worse at home so we go out whenever we can. They are just as happy going local as going to big events normally.

Last week we stayed at the pods at Alton Towers for the night. Had a great time at the water park, the next day on eldest's birthday, we went to the theme park. First ride, she decides she hates rollercoasters, all the other rides we want to go on are closed, finally find one open and she refuses to go on it at the last minute. It then properly pisses it down, thunder / lightning / the works. Forecast looks grim so we just gave up, left the park, went for a Maccys, spent the rest of the afternoon in our accommodation watching iPads and napping. They were happy as pigs in shit.

FanOnCurtainsClosed · 05/08/2021 13:31

Remember a hideous trip to Paultons park. Ended early due to the whining. The only good bit was the splash park that we could do in the local park Hmm

They're teenagers now and life is better fun.

eightyfourandahalf · 05/08/2021 13:50

I think we all have different expectations.

The whole point of a "day out' is getting OUT of the house! Just that is enough for me. It's for my own sanity, and not have to think or trying to entertain the kids. We are there.

Then just go with the flow, and be prepared - they will be tired, hungry, the food will likely cost a fortune or be uneatable. Few backups in your bag and you're good.

Expecting kids to have fun because the parents have PAID and want their money worth is a recipe for disaster.

NothingIsWrong · 05/08/2021 13:54

Not a day out, but one Mother's Day assembly the children were reading out sentences about their Mum

My Mummy loves reading to me
Mum is the best Mum because she plays games with me
My Mum gives the best hugs

I got

My Mummy loves chips

To a roaring round of laughter, I could feel myself going red and white again and hot and cold and my darling son then burst into tears because the laughter scared him.

Theblackdogagain · 05/08/2021 14:30

My dt are now 12. Today we had breakfast out and indoor crazy golf, the attitude coming from one was too much.
I'd planned a day out to brooklands museum tomorrow and spoke to them. Grumpy dt said it sounded really boring so I'm just taking interested dt. So we get 1 on 1 time and the other stays at home with a working dad.

SummerHouse · 05/08/2021 14:31

Mine had such an argument going in the back of the car I thought a serious affront must have occurred. Lots of "I had it first", "no, it's mine." Etc.

What were they fighting about?

A strand of my hair.

Anoisagusaris · 05/08/2021 14:58

I’ve realised that sometimes the best days out are ones I go on with other parents, and leave DH at home!! Kids are happy with their friends and I have people to talk to. Other people’s snacks always seem better than ours, kids are more agreeable in a big group, you never hear them complain they are bored, activities seek to last longer. DH gets antsy whereas I’m happy to sit and chat while all the kids entertain themselves.

stayathomer · 05/08/2021 14:59

I can't even complain. I was absolutely GHASTLY on any trip or holiday as a kid, and often refused to get out of the car.
Just remembering when we were children going from Ireland over to London and moaning through every tourist attraction also running ahead so they couldn't see anything! Terrible!Blush

aiwblam · 05/08/2021 15:16

I think it’s alright to shout at a 9yo and 10yo who have behaved badly. They are old enough to understand the impact of their behaviour on you. If your eldest with ASD is in mainstream, then I think the shouting is still fine. Mine are now well behaved, happy teens and I certainly shouted at them pretty severely aged 9/10 for awful behaviour.

StrangeToSee · 05/08/2021 16:14

I remember many terrible day trips as a kid! My parents tried so hard to please us. But I loathed being ‘dragged around old ruins’ and museums. Tea rooms we had to pretend to enjoy. Climbing spiral staircases in towers to ‘see the view’. Shivering on the beach eating gritty sandwiches in the wind and slipping on seaweed when encouraged to go rock pooling.

We had good days too but most were fraught with parents arguing, the weather changing and feeling we had to enjoy ourselves.

NormanSicily · 05/08/2021 16:32

@SummerHouse my two oldest once had a proper punch up brawl at the ages of 4 and 5 over who had eaten the last imaginary cake...

EastWestWhosBest · 05/08/2021 16:58

I think I’ll keep a link to this thread every time the ‘my life would be pointless without children’ posts come up.

fiveminutebreak · 05/08/2021 17:18

This makes me feel like we're not alone 😆 after a pretty rubbish day out at legoland recently filled with whinging, long queues and bickering and I paid over £100 for the privilege. I also felt like it was just our kids moaning and misbehaving snd that everyone else was having a wonderful day! Probably not by the sounds of it!

lifeover40 · 05/08/2021 17:33

A friend once said to me that she had learned that her DC could be delightful on a day trip that was only a few hours (max 3 she said) but once they went over that threshold or planned for more then all hell broke loose. It made sense to me and I tried it with mine. Days out from then on were a max of 4 hours out of the house and eveything was a lot better. Both her and my DC have SEN.

debsam · 05/08/2021 17:39

We surprised our children (7 & 4) with a surpise trip to France. We turned up at the ferry and told them we were going on the boat. Cheers from DS1, "Don't want to go on the ferry! Want to go home." from DS2. Drove off the ferry towards Disneyland Paris. When they finally saw the signs, cheers from DS1, "Don't want to go to Disneyland! Want to go home" from DS2. 3 days of moaning, refusal to go on any rides, refusal to walk anywhere, had to be carried, wouldn't eat the food, absolute hell for the whole 3 days. We never surprised him with anything again. Now he's 22 and still doesn't like surprises!

ellyeth · 05/08/2021 17:41

I thought it was just our family. I'm actually of the opinion that some days spent at home being bored might be the solution to this. If children can't behave like reasonable human beings then, in my view, they shouldn't have treats - and going out is a treat.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 05/08/2021 17:50

Tent a nice little cottage on the Isle of Wight for you and baby and DP if there is one, and stick the older two in PGL residential activity holidays which is where my two are now and it’s heaven on a stick. They have the best time ever too. Happy days.

supamummy · 05/08/2021 17:52

I still have the same. Dd21 living away from home Dd18 home for the holidays. I have multiple health issues. Took them by car to the seaside yesterday. At these ages they don't just bicker with each other, Dd21 knows "absolutely everything about everything" and has to tell you how wrong you are.
I feel for you OP

junebirthdaygirl · 05/08/2021 17:56

In a few years time you will hear your dc say to each other...remember that day we went to...and they will be laughing and chatting as they reminisce about their childhood and you will be standing there thinking...are we remembering the same day? This happens now with my dc in their 20s. All the rows are forgotten and l hear them telling their friends about all the great places they went: museums and castles which they were dragged to kicking and screaming!!
Who am l to argue if they want to look back through rose tinted glasses??