To think family days out are mis-sold and wish to complain?

[JustAnotherManicMunchie]

Planned a lovely day out yesterday for my DC aged 10, 9 and 3 months. DC1 has ASD so takes some encouragement to get out of the house.

I spent ages planning and packing a picnic and headed off backpack in hand with visions of sunshine and the DC and I skipping through the meadows…

The reality was the DC bickered all the way to the venue, by the time we got there, DC1 was in a mood and dragging his sorry face along the ground ….

DC2 was fed up of DC1 and his endless rules.

Picked the baby up out of her car seat to find she’d had an explosive nappy all over her car seat . Cleaned up the baby whilst simultaneously trying to stop WW3 breaking out between the older two.

We carried on with our day and thought never mind, even Mary Poppins herself has blips … we can still skip in the meadows hand in hand al la perfect family style ….

We get to the playground at the venue and the DC are still bickering; before I can get to them , DC1 wallops DC2 under the wooden bridge like a troll clubbing the Billy Goats . The pair of them scrapping whilst the world looks on like they’re at a paid for title fight.

So embarrassed, I hauled them out of the park and we went for a walk. I’d paid £35 to get in, we were not leaving until we had at least some fake happy family photos ….

DC2 then tripped over a tree and skinned his knees , cue screaming like an injured wild animal. We left.

Today …. Is another day I thought…. Again , bundled them in the car and I promised myself today would be better and true family day out.

Twenty minutes in to the journey, I was screeching like a deranged lunatic over the pair of them ducking fighting and arguing again. I told them they were ruining family days out and I was so sick of their selfish bickering. I really lost my shit and told them they were making family life miserable and I wanted to go home and forget the day out ….

We went on to the seaside and had a fabulous time … before getting in the car and enduring a meltdown for the whole journey home.

I think I’ve been mis sold family days out and I’d like a refund on all the family days out we’ve ever had which follow the exact same pattern ….

Can anyone point me in the right direction?

AIBU ?

I took my 2 to London on THE hottest day of the year (all pre booked unfortunately). Lots of whingeing and complaining either about the noisy tube or making them walk (literally the only 2 ways to get around where we were going!) Get on the train home and youngest has THE biggest blister on her foot. Which explains the whingeing about walking 😬

Still get 'do you remember when we went to London and you made me walk with my blister? Can we go again soon?'

Days out are always better in theory and post mortem. Never during.

@Progress2019 that made me howl!!

Driving to France from Scotland with DD1 and Dd2. We had travelled about 200 feet. Hadnt reached the end of the fucking road before the first fight and the immortal line:
"She's beathing on me!"

The four year age gap between my two never felt so wide as it does now, with the eldest being 13yo. DS1 can't be arsed with DS2 and just ignores him. DS2 then sulks. This can last anywhere up to several hours and wears me down. He is still at that age where he's all bouncy and happy and wanting to explore, but his bubble is burst by DS1 every time, who trails his feet along and invariably claims to have a sore leg/arm/eyelid preventing him from engaging with his brother. We are always 'that' family, bristling with tension and all wanting to kill each other. The answer is staying at home ... and alcohol!

Your only error was your high expectation! Same shit, different place is all you should expect. Anything extra is a bonus. Put them to bed and pour yourself a nice drink!

Ahh very familiar here too. I gave up about a year ago!

I feel your pain and also have a similar aged dc with asd. I've given up paying for days out...

@HerRoyalNotness

Sounds familiar. Took my 3 on a 2700 mile road trip this summer. For some reason they all wanted to sit in the back together and fight. Had to put one in the front as punishment.

TBH I can’t blame your kids! After a holiday endlessly driving around Scotland when I was about 13, I still have an aversion to any holiday that involves a lot of sitting in a bloody car for hours. (Apart from the getting there, I mean.)

Fuck this day out shit. My youngest one manages to zap the joy from any holiday outing. I now refuse to take them anywhere beyond a 3mile radius unless I have dh for backup.

Just yesterday, I was doing the food shop (the day before we had been swimming and then to a cafè, during which they bickered and trie dot drown each other) and the middle one was wittering on about what we’re doing today. I proper lost my shit and shouted “we’re doing it right now! It’s happening AS WE SPEAK.”

Everyone must have thought I was a psycho. In conclusion, op; you are not alone

I’d like to say it improves with age but my two are 17 & 20 and just a look between them can start an argument and ruin the mood. Luckily one is normally at uni and does her own holidays now.

Mine bicker, fight and misunderstand each other wherever we are so I just appreciate a change of scenery. They are more likely to get distracted out of the house. I've booked them a few days in holiday clubs as (fortunately?) they always behave beautifully for other people, even when they are together.

we've been looking through our holiday photos today and laughing at the many photos of DD's grumpy face. She's had a great time apparently, you wouldn't have guessed from the photos or by listening her to bloody whinge though.

@Livingintheclouds

I took my daughter, about 9 or 10, on a weekend to NY at Christmas. We saw the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular, visited iconic Saks Fifth Ave, did a hair raising rickshaw ride through Times Sq. What did my daughter like doing best? Building a gingerbread house with the boy we stayed with, which she could have done back home. You do your best to plan a lovely day out and it’s guaranteed not to go the way you want, but that’s not to say you should stop trying, but maybe lower your happy family expectations!

You've given me a flashback of a visit to NY when my youngest stroppily asked what was the point of us being there. I replied that we were going to look at the city and the lights and all the different buildings. Why would we want walk around looking at buildings? was his sullen response. Didn't quite know how to answer that one to be honest.

The highlight of the day out for him was eating a McDonalds!

Op, good plan about putting one at the front. Hopefully that'll help. Travelling in the car can do something to some children. The next day out will be better I'm sure...

Family days are definitely mis-sold. Days out are best without the whinging little darlings. The best days out are when you leave the DC with somebody else and merrily skip your way through the meadow, wine bottle in hand, unencumbered by snot faced, poo exploding munchkins. The reality is that days out with children is always a disappointment and the little shits are never grateful and whinge incessantly. Really, it's not worth the money or hassle. In future leave 'em at home or with someone else and have yourself a fun adult day out. From now on just give them picnics in the back garden and a walk in a local park until they are at least 21 yrs old.

Thank you!!! Thought it was only me! I honestly feel like we’re the only family that ever have this public display of disaster. I’m a teacher and on the one hand it’s great not having to need childcare for 6 weeks, but on the other hand I have this every single day for 6 weeks!!

I have three and my eldest has ASD and my days out used to start like this until I put my eldest in the front seat. No in car bickering has made my days out run a lot more smoothly

In general most activities in life e.g. dinnertime would be better without the children present.

The only way to enjoy a family day out is to lower you expectations right down to the ground. I used to spend ages planning stuff then get cross when it wasn't 'magical'. It was my expectations that were ruining it though. Once you just take it as it comes you can enjoy the good bits and shrug off the rest as something to laugh about later.
OP - your days sounds like it has the makings of a great family story to be remembered with laughs for years to come!

Lower your expectations!
Put ds in the front seat possibly with a tablet and headphones
Aim for a couple of hours at destination
Dont do trips out 2 days in a row (too much for our DS, dont know about yours).
Constant snacks

Can I have a refund for our trip of a lifetime snorkelling around a coral island on the Great barrier reef? An hour and a half goes surprisingly quickly when you have to get two children ( who should have been old enough to do better) into stinger suits, get the sand out of their toes before you can put their flippers on, keep crying that there's water in their eyes and up their nose, console them when daddy swam off leaving them alone (and had a brilliant time exploring) and panicking and stranded and worried about treading on the coral by mistake, and say 'what turtle?? I missed it'. You gotta laugh.

Nowhere near the ruined days out described here, but when DGS #1 was about four years old, I decided it was time he experienced the joy of riding (I was learning myself at the time, and very enthusiastic). Booked a very expensive session for him at our local school. He duly spent half an hour being led around on a pony, with his little legs sticking out à la Thelwell. What did he have to say about it on returning to mum and dad? "I ran up a hill!" (a grass mound by the car park).

OP I feel your pain. I also have a child with asd except he is five and has started enjoying singing in the car . We have world war 3 in the car between himself and his eight year old sister and then the two year old starts off. I see people on social media with young children who travel all over the country on long days out seemingly without a bother. I can't go 5 mins down the road to tesco without an incident.

Another holiday the other DC had a personality change on setting foot in the airport and was so naughty. It was mortifying. It continued on and off during the holiday until back home when he reverted back to the normal, chilled child that he is. He remembers the holiday as one of the best ever.

We realised after the holiday that he needs his own space to decompress away from everyone orbit gets too much. We'd picked them straight up from school and left for the airport and were all sharing a room. Now we have enforced separation time.

There's probably a trigger for the behaviour op - do you think you know what it might be? It helped a lot when we realised and could find a way to lessen it.

They were separated in the car !

DC1 is unpredictable so he has to be in the front with me to stop him knocking seven bells out of his brother.

They still manage to wind each other up. “DS2 is making funny noises….” “No I’m not …” “Yes you are …” “Muuuummmm” ad finitum.

Some of the comments on here have really made me chuckle . Much needed at this point in the summer holidays. You are absolutely right OP, they are mid-sold.