Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this too much food??

297 replies

Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 18:43

Toddler Dd, 3, her dinner today. Very hot where we are, lots of salads etc. We made bread today, so possibly a bit more than normal here, with the bread included.
My mum says I feed her too much food and no wonder she doesn’t eat it all. I don’t expect her to eat it all, but like to give her a varied choice in the hope she chooses parts and eats something, which she does.
Dd is a normal weight etc.
Aibu or is this an okay amount of food for her for dinner?

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 04/08/2021 20:07

@arethereanyleftatall

Oh - sorry. I didn't mean it's not ok. It's clearly fine for your dd. I just was saying it's far more than my dds ate.
It differs per child like it does adults so there isn’t really a right or wrong, I have a 13 year old cousin who barely eats anything but he’s essentially sedentary. He looks average weight. My 1yo DS does.. not.. stop.. moving.. ever.. and will almost always accept food and will sometimes eat as much as me for breakfast. He’s on the 50th centile.
50ShadesOfCatholic · 04/08/2021 20:10

@Mumdiva99

Did she ear.it all? If so not too much food. If she played with it and you threw 50% away then yes too much.
It isn't wasted though, it's just part of a child gaining familiarity with different foods.

OP it looks lovely, you are obviously a very conscientious parent.

mathanxiety · 04/08/2021 20:12

Dm is very slim though and barely eats, if we go to theirs for dinner, we get such a small portions

It seems to me that your DM may have an eating disorder. She certainly comes across as anxious about food.

She sounds a lot like my DM, especially the plying with goodies/ big glasses of OJ, etc - is she giving children food she is denying herself (feeding by proxy)?

It was always noticeable to me when my DM visited that she had so much to say about food, and how anxious she was about what we were all eating -
'This is very rich (anxious)',
'Oh no, that's far too much for me (appalled)',
'Are you sure they'll eat that much? (consternation)',
'Are you having another helping? (shock/horror)'.
She lived alone after my DF died, and ate virtually nothing at home, but reported to me in detail what she had eaten on days out with her friends from a club she joined. She seemed to be unaware of how many comments she made about food/eating, and how she was coming across.

Do your DD the favour of asking your DM to refrain from commenting on her portion sizes. Kids pick up this kind of anxiety.

WasThisSexist · 04/08/2021 20:13

I think it's ideal. Great, healthy combination of foods (we will overlook the cheese/mayo combo Wink) and a good amount for her to choose from until she is full. You've already said that you try to avoid waste by wrapping up any leftovers, and you've served it on a beautiful wooden bunny plate with what sounds like a very healthy attitude to boot! You are a ruddy super mum in my view.

Original poster
Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 20:14

@LH1987 🤣

OP posts:
Antwerpen · 04/08/2021 20:15

@WaltzingTilda

I personally wouldn't give a full egg AND cheese(if that is what it is) in the same meal to my toddler but that's just me. It would be a bit heavy for my dd, 3, but each to their own.
Heavy? Crikey Confused
mathanxiety · 04/08/2021 20:16

It's not too much food for your 3 yo imo.

If the carrots are raw, I would boil or steam them to soften, or serve in julienne strips.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/08/2021 20:18

Is that tuna to the right on the plate?

TheVolturi · 04/08/2021 20:18

I have a very active dd age 4 and she eats tons. As much as her bigger brothers sometimes, but it's home cooked and healthy so I'm glad she enjoys it. She knows when she's full. I think kids only get fat if they don't exercise enough and are fed junk!

DroopyClematis · 04/08/2021 20:18

Looks perfectly balanced but a tad too much.

Original poster
Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 20:22

@mathanxiety I’ve said to her that she doesn’t eat enough, she just says she doesn’t snack in between (we don’t either) ill give Dd fruit or rice cakes etc if she asks, but she rarely does. Dm seems to have massive guilt about eating ‘Treats’ so if we’re out and she wants cake, she always wants to order Dd a full one too, I say it’s fine she can share mine as doesn’t actually need or really ever ask for the full thing. Dm says she feels guilty eating it in front of her, Dd literally doesn’t give a stuff! She’s always trying to fill her with ice cream or saying it’s sad she can only have water. She can’t only have water, with it being hot, it’s what we’ve always drank, she’ll have that or milk or sometimes a juice carton if we’re having a picnic but doesn’t actually need huge glasses of apple/orange juice when out.
She’s always been very slim, so could do with filling up a bit more, I’ve gained a couple of stone after Dd, which is likely disappointing to her, I have the tendency to put on weight unless I work out and as a kid could go from slim to chubby fairly easily, I always remember her giving me less potatoes than my brother and sister and his crap it made me feel. I don’t want any of these issues around Dd

OP posts:
Camomila · 04/08/2021 20:23

I think sometimes DC get a bit overwhelmed if there's too much choice on their plates. Mine did at 3, though would love that dinner now at 5.

I'd probably give a slightly smaller portion with a few less options on the plate - eg, egg or tuna.

(I love your bunny plate)

Original poster
Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 20:24

@MyDcAreMarvel It’s bread 🙈but normally I would probably have tuna instead of the bread, she helped make some today so was keen to try (the bread all got eaten and the cucumber and carrot, but she left half and egg and cheese)

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/08/2021 20:24

@Lifeisaminestrone

I will probably be criticised by my comment but I am in agreement with your DM - I think it is too much.

I would give one protein choice, I think three protein choices is excessive not from a health perspective but from an entitlement- picking and choosing seems wrong to me when there are so many children without food (thinking of the Rashford campaign here).

Maybe your DM probably remembers family members talking of rationing, and with my family emigrating to avoid death camps I’m afraid I can’t tolerate children thinking waste is ok. I don’t mind children not eating everything but I don’t agree with picking and choosing.

I also don’t agree with the argument the parents will nibble afterwards as that then creates a hierarchy of food. Food should be shared.

Anyway I’m sure I will face a lot of abuse but think worth having another point of view!

How old do you think the woman is?

She'd have to be in her 70s-80s to even vaguely have any fear of rationing, as anybody younger than that, people saying 'when I was your age, we just had an Oxo cube to suck on for a snack' would have zero effect on somebody whose main concern as a kid was whether to have a Funny Feet or to try and get somebody to buy them a Two Ball Screwball.

My mother has no memory of rationing other than knowing the sugar ration was traded for more tea and there were a couple of extra chickens hidden behind the shed in case somebody official came and said they had to share their eggs - she's 85.

Xmassprout · 04/08/2021 20:24

I like to give my children a good variety too.

We have a giant African land snail that makes sure no leftover salad goes to waste Grin

Original poster
Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 20:25

*How crap it made me feel

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 20:29

@olympicsrock A stealth boast…? Was it the squirted mayo on the piece of cheese that did it?
Isn’t at all, and in all honesty, this was a quite rubbish, picky bits type, cba dinner, I normally put more effort in, I’ve just had it a few times before his week from Dm and tonight’s comment was a bit much, considering it’s just an egg salad basically

OP posts:
Original poster
Nightgardenisodd · 04/08/2021 20:30

*This week

OP posts:
TheCupboardOfChaos · 04/08/2021 20:31

I'd say it's a huge amount of food, which I would find a challenge - but if it's a case of your DD having a taste of a variety of things, that's a different matter.

I would also say it's nobody else's business.

pollylocketpickedapocket · 04/08/2021 20:34

@Longdistance

Oh yum, that looks great. She can pick and choose what she wants on there. One Weetabix isn’t enough for a 3yo.
My 5 yo dd only eats 1 wheetabix. Tonight I made homemade potato waffle with cauliflower and onions in them, she had about 3 bites, 3 chicken nuggets, 1 bite of carrot, 2 bites of asparagus. I despair
Benjispruce5 · 04/08/2021 20:35

She’s a lucky child and I think it’s likely that your mum has issues given what you’ve said about your childhood.

HyacynthBucket · 04/08/2021 20:36

I think that is way too much food for a very small child. About half that (at very most) would be OK for a three year old. Nice variety though.

TalkingOutYerArse · 04/08/2021 20:38

Looks like an excellent meal!

WhatMattersMost · 04/08/2021 20:40

@Lifeisaminestrone

I will probably be criticised by my comment but I am in agreement with your DM - I think it is too much.

I would give one protein choice, I think three protein choices is excessive not from a health perspective but from an entitlement- picking and choosing seems wrong to me when there are so many children without food (thinking of the Rashford campaign here).

Maybe your DM probably remembers family members talking of rationing, and with my family emigrating to avoid death camps I’m afraid I can’t tolerate children thinking waste is ok. I don’t mind children not eating everything but I don’t agree with picking and choosing.

I also don’t agree with the argument the parents will nibble afterwards as that then creates a hierarchy of food. Food should be shared.

Anyway I’m sure I will face a lot of abuse but think worth having another point of view!

I thought so too, and I'm surprised we're in the very small minority - not because I think I'm right, but because it just looks like too much.

www.swft.nhs.uk/application/files/4314/7929/4203/Recommended_intake_and_portion_sizes_for_children_-_all_appendices_2016_FINAL.pdf

KingdomScrolls · 04/08/2021 20:41

DS would love that lunch and he's not quite three, he's fiftieth centile for weight, very active and lean, fewer calories than a penguin and a bag of pom bears (child at the park's lunch on Sunday) , I would ignore what your mother says it sounds like she has issues with food herself.