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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think OH is a miserable git

128 replies

Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 15:52

OH is off work tonight. We didn't go the weekly food shop on Monday as we usually do because we were busy with DSC due to a last minute change in his exes schedule which he jumped to accommodate - so no food in for tea today. We shop at LIDL so no online delivery.

Rather than going to the supermarket for dinner supplies I suggested we go out for a meal, me him and our DC. I suggested two pubs nearby with nice menus. I said I'd pay.

He couldn't have come across more inconvenienced, gave multiple excuses before admitting that it's too much effort and he can't be bothered Confused

I'm a bit annoyed that he always gets to dictate what we do and think he's spoiled what could have been a nice evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/08/2021 15:54

Go without him. Sure I would..

SnarkyBag · 04/08/2021 15:54

Just go without him. Why does everyone else have to miss out if that’s what you fancy doing?

30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/08/2021 15:55

Or is he hoping you rush around sacrificing a fatted calf?

ImRhondaAndthesearentreal · 04/08/2021 15:55

Go without him?

Ninkanink · 04/08/2021 15:56

Well yes he is.

However why couldn’t you take the children out without him? No reason to give him the power to ruin the evening for you all. Let him be miserable at home by himself, surely?

Unless he drives and you don’t, in which i’d’ve told him to sort out his mood and do something nice for his family!

Ninkanink · 04/08/2021 15:56

*in which case

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 15:58

I think we will go without him yes. It's a shame as we never go out for meals as a family anymore. It's always "too much faff"

He's happy for me to sacrifice my whole weekend and Monday helping him with DSC though as it wouldn't be fair to leave him with all 5, which is reasonable I suppose, but there's no give and take is there?

OP posts:
ImRhondaAndthesearentreal · 04/08/2021 15:58

Then stop.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/08/2021 15:59

His 5 dc?
Leave him to it at the weekends. Yanbu to do so.

Imo.

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 16:00

I don't drive but both places I suggested are within walking distance.

I will admit, going out for a meal with a 2 and tempremental 3.5 year old alone is a bit daunting but i'd sooner go than not.

OP posts:
Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 16:00

He’s got 5 kids and he can’t be arsed to do anything with them
Wow. Sorry that’s depressing to read.

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 16:00

5 DC in total

His 3 from his previous relationship and the two we share together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 16:02

@Taliskerskye

He’s got 5 kids and he can’t be arsed to do anything with them Wow. Sorry that’s depressing to read.
Isn't it just!

Well, we went swimming on the weekend but that was an impromptu decision to entertain DSC.

When it comes to me suggesting anything it's always too much bother.

OP posts:
Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 16:02

I would probably one last ditch attempt say, please can you make an effort to come it would mean a huge amount to ME.

If he still can’t be bothered then that speaks volumes, if he comes and sulks ditto.
If he makes an effort like an adult then ok.

But genuinely each of those three options will tell you a lot about how he feels

ineedaholidayandwine · 04/08/2021 16:02

I would go OP, take some colouring books or something for the kids while you wait for food

Boobahs · 04/08/2021 16:02

Yep, I'd go without him. He can do himself beans on toast or anything else he can find at home.

LysistrataVickers · 04/08/2021 16:03

YANBU. He sounds horrendous.

Qwerty789 · 04/08/2021 16:03

I presume you were well aware of how useless he was with his first 3 children before you had 2 more with this complete dink?

MintyGreenDream · 04/08/2021 16:03

Tell him you can't help look after his dc as its too much faff.Then go out.

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 16:04

@Qwerty789

I presume you were well aware of how useless he was with his first 3 children before you had 2 more with this complete dink?
Absolutely not.

He has become progressively lazier.

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 04/08/2021 16:04

Nah, I wouldn’t beg. Why should OP have to plead with her DH to want to look after his own children!

Go on out @Chickpea1434. Don’t stress, just gather them all up and have a lovely walk to the pub. [flower]

30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/08/2021 16:04

Leave the toddlers with the big toddler (dh and his sulk) and take the dsc. Mahoosive gain there imo. Stress free, nice food, no dh or fidgety toddlers... Win bloody win.

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 16:04

@MintyGreenDream

Tell him you can't help look after his dc as its too much faff.Then go out.
Yes I think I'll do just that next time!
OP posts:
Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 16:06

@30degreesandmeltinghere

Leave the toddlers with the big toddler (dh and his sulk) and take the dsc. Mahoosive gain there imo. Stress free, nice food, no dh or fidgety toddlers... Win bloody win.
DSC have gone back to their mums now, they'll be back on Friday.

God I could just imagine his response if I suggested we take them all out together. I think he'd keel over.

OP posts:
Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 16:08

@Ninkanink
I wasn’t saying beg! I am saying ask once politely. I think it’s always good to really see someone for who they are when you specifically ask them for something that might inconvenience them slightly but would bring you a lot of pleasure.

If you ask a straight question you either get more excuses or a straight answer and both those tell you lots about how a person feels about you.

Otherwise it’s all “wouldn’t it be nice” and then vague excuses. And he’s not managed to say outloud he doesn’t give a fuck about making his dw happy.