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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think OH is a miserable git

128 replies

Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 15:52

OH is off work tonight. We didn't go the weekly food shop on Monday as we usually do because we were busy with DSC due to a last minute change in his exes schedule which he jumped to accommodate - so no food in for tea today. We shop at LIDL so no online delivery.

Rather than going to the supermarket for dinner supplies I suggested we go out for a meal, me him and our DC. I suggested two pubs nearby with nice menus. I said I'd pay.

He couldn't have come across more inconvenienced, gave multiple excuses before admitting that it's too much effort and he can't be bothered Confused

I'm a bit annoyed that he always gets to dictate what we do and think he's spoiled what could have been a nice evening. AIBU?

OP posts:
Kotatsu · 04/08/2021 16:53

I'm just going to whisper this, but my and the kids life is so much better now that I'm not waiting around for exDP to decide if he wants to go on a day out, or out to eat, but just getting up and doing it with the kids..... it drags you down always letting them tell you they can't be bothered, or leaving it so late you can't book anything.

crazeelala2u · 04/08/2021 16:54

@Chickpea1434

OH is off work tonight. We didn't go the weekly food shop on Monday as we usually do because we were busy with DSC due to a last minute change in his exes schedule which he jumped to accommodate - so no food in for tea today. We shop at LIDL so no online delivery.

Rather than going to the supermarket for dinner supplies I suggested we go out for a meal, me him and our DC. I suggested two pubs nearby with nice menus. I said I'd pay.

He couldn't have come across more inconvenienced, gave multiple excuses before admitting that it's too much effort and he can't be bothered Confused

I'm a bit annoyed that he always gets to dictate what we do and think he's spoiled what could have been a nice evening. AIBU?

I would just go without him and enjoy an evening with DC.
Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 16:55

@vivainsomnia

To be fair, the idea of going out to eat mid-week after a long day at work, with two under 4, likely tired by the time we go and then having to rush and put them to bed when they are still hyper wouldn't fill me with great excitement either.

Plan something for the weekend instead.

He hasn't been at work today he has been in bed sleeping. He worked last night, slept, then is off tonight.
OP posts:
M4J4 · 04/08/2021 16:56

@Chickpea1434

I think we will go without him yes. It's a shame as we never go out for meals as a family anymore. It's always "too much faff"

He's happy for me to sacrifice my whole weekend and Monday helping him with DSC though as it wouldn't be fair to leave him with all 5, which is reasonable I suppose, but there's no give and take is there?

I would stop helping him. Let him look after his own kids.
30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/08/2021 16:57

Ime learning to drive will change your life when you have several dc.. I passed my test with quite a bump with dc 7!!
Your dh should not have control over your family life.

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 17:00

I would stop helping him. Let him look after his own kids.

I will be doing from now on.

I always chipped in and helped with DSC before as I didn't want them to think I didn't want to be around them, but I'm no longer sacrificing my time to make his life easier when he can't even be arsed to walk to the pub down the road.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 17:01

@30degreesandmeltinghere

Ime learning to drive will change your life when you have several dc.. I passed my test with quite a bump with dc 7!! Your dh should not have control over your family life.
It's in the pipeline Smile

I have some sight problems and need a new glasses prescription before any instructor would have me in their car, but it's high on my list of priorities.

OP posts:
Handsoffstrikesagain · 04/08/2021 17:02

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Shoxfordian · 04/08/2021 17:03

It sounds like you’re his housekeeper not his wife

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 17:04

@Handsoffstrikesagain

This all sounds ridiculous. If I can manage to take 4 out on my own (youngest 13 weeks, oldest 5) why can’t he take 5 DC out with you as well? He sounds so lazy and I feel sorry for your poor DC and SDC missing out on having fun and fresh air tbh.
It boils down to the fact he just can't be bothered I think. Its sad.
OP posts:
M4J4 · 04/08/2021 17:05

@Chickpea1434

I would stop helping him. Let him look after his own kids.

I will be doing from now on.

I always chipped in and helped with DSC before as I didn't want them to think I didn't want to be around them, but I'm no longer sacrificing my time to make his life easier when he can't even be arsed to walk to the pub down the road.

Very glad to hear it! He will try and guilt trip you but stay firm!
Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 17:05

@Shoxfordian

It sounds like you’re his housekeeper not his wife
Indeed!

Do you know what I've done today? Looked after DC, deep cleaned the bathroom, now I'm cooking the kids tea (which thankfully we had in, just nothing appealing to adults)

What a life.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 04/08/2021 17:08

What are you going to do to change it?

Jaguar77 · 04/08/2021 17:08

You get what you tolerate.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 04/08/2021 17:08

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 17:09

We're going on our (first in 5 years!) UK break in September for 4 nights. All planned by me. There's no way anything like that would happen if I didn't take the reigns.

Let's see how much he can be arsed to do activities when we're there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 17:10

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Do you take your two out on their own usually OP? Sorry if I’ve missed this
I do yes.

Eldest has autism so life would be much easier if he came with, but I don't let that restrict me to the extent that DC don't get out.

We just never do anything as a family.

OP posts:
NewlyGranny · 04/08/2021 17:11

Brava on organising the specs and driving lessons! You can leave him gently vegetating and tell him to make memories with his older DC while you make some with the youngest.

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/08/2021 17:21

A friend of mine is with some one who had 2 kids when they met and they have had 1 together. Every other weekend she can’t do anything she wants to do as she can’t possibly leave her do with ALL 3 of HIS OWN children.
Makes me so mad. If you can’t look after them on your own, don’t have them.

So going out for dinner is “too much faff”, is he offering to get ingredients and cook instead? Let me guess, he doesn’t want to go out. It expects you to cook instead…?

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/08/2021 17:22

If you left him you’d only have 2 children to look after, rather than 6.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 04/08/2021 17:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Chickpea1434 · 04/08/2021 17:26

So going out for dinner is “too much faff”, is he offering to get ingredients and cook instead? Let me guess, he doesn’t want to go out. It expects you to cook instead…?

He wanted to order a takeaway, I said I didn't want one so he said he's happy to run to the shop quickly on his own to pick something up.

He doesn't mind doing that because it's quick and easy. It's when something involves going anywhere with the children that it's an effort.

If you left him you’d only have 2 children to look after, rather than 6.

That sounds wonderful in theory, I just can't quite believe I'll get the same degree of co-parenting that his ex gets from him because he won't have a woman there to muck in.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 04/08/2021 17:32

Does he only have you as his new housekeeper and nanny for his other kids? If you break up then he’ll find some other mug to look after all his children and have some more with him

vdbfamily · 04/08/2021 17:37

Just take the kids and her can get himself a sandwich or something

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/08/2021 17:43

I would have gone without him in a shot. I have lost my evening meal mojo.

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