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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH not paying rent or contributing financially

133 replies

Alwaysthebeach · 04/08/2021 10:46

So DH moved out. We have two children who are mainly with me, but also staying with him.

He has moved out due to issues I wont go into. But his hope and mine is that he moves back soon.

In the meantime, he is basically giving his rent on his property priority over paying for the family home. He gives me something sone months and nothing some months. Last month was £700,this month nothing.

The lease is in his name.

I cant afford to pay it all. I also cant have the stress of never knowing where i stand. Then he turns it on me blaming me for the cost of it.

He acts surprised every month of all his expenses.

His money mangement is horrendous.

he is giving me nothing for child maintenence.

What can I do legally etc? See a fin advisor? solicitor.

He just thinks it is ok. Please help i feel helpless.

I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 04/08/2021 12:08

I'm confused...you accept he cannot afford to run tow households yet you seem to want him to. It sounds an absolute mess. You need to claim CMS obviously

MsHedgehog · 04/08/2021 12:12

Why are you hoping that a father who refuses to prioritise his childrens' needs will come back?

Genuine question - if he can’t afford two households, what is he meant to do? If he gives OP enough money for rent and children, sounds like he’d be homeless. I’m just curious what is expected in those situations.

ChargingBuck · 04/08/2021 12:15

Sorry for the odd link interrupting my post above - not sure how that go there!

Booboosweet · 04/08/2021 12:17

Surely if he's moved out you have to pay your own rent because he'll have his own rent to pay

ChargingBuck · 04/08/2021 12:17

@MsHedgehog

Why are you hoping that a father who refuses to prioritise his childrens' needs will come back?

Genuine question - if he can’t afford two households, what is he meant to do? If he gives OP enough money for rent and children, sounds like he’d be homeless. I’m just curious what is expected in those situations.

I'd rather be homeless than see my children evicted, wouldn't you?

He can't afford 2 households because his money management is fucked & he has debts he is refusing to address properly with eg a payment plan, Stepchange advice, consolidation etc.

He's obviously put his head in teh sand, hence acting surprised every month that bills & rent need paying. OP can't MAKE him do anything about his financial situation. All she can do is dovorce

KurtWilde · 04/08/2021 12:18

@MattHancocksSexTape

I wouldn’t try and get the lease put in your name. You’d then become liable for the rent payments, which you aren’t currently able to make. All you’d do is crush your credit profile.
She's living in the house with her 2 DC as if it's her own, he DH isn't going to pay rent on 2 properties - not should he ever have been expected to. Of course she should be liable for rent payments, unless she wants to lose her home?
Goldbar · 04/08/2021 12:18

The lease is in his name.

In this case, I'm not sure I'd pay the rent in your shoes. He is legally responsible for making the rent payments not you.

Ultimately, you need to move somewhere cheaper. Save what you would pay on the rent and start looking for somewhere cheaper. Then inform your DH that you've moved out of the property and he needs to makethe rent and bill payments going forward.

Claim child maintenance.

KurtWilde · 04/08/2021 12:19

I'd rather be homeless than see my children evicted, wouldn't you?

The DC have TWO parents. OP is just as responsible for keeping a roof over their head as her DH.

ChargingBuck · 04/08/2021 12:20

(sod it, I'm on fire with typos today)
.... All OP can do is divorce him, re-check her benefit entitlements, talk to her University's welfare/financial support office, & get onto the CMS.

In 6 months, she can get back to work full time.
Throwing away 2 years of study for the sake of 6 more months is counter-productive, & a false economy.

Goldbar · 04/08/2021 12:21

Genuine question - if he can’t afford two households, what is he meant to do? If he gives OP enough money for rent and children, sounds like he’d be homeless.

It's amazing that some men think it's ok to prioritize themselves over their dependent children. A single adult can get a bedsit, house-share or move back to their parents' house until they get themselves sorted. Children need stability. If there's not enough to go around, the children should come first.

FunMcCool · 04/08/2021 12:22

Can you put the lease in your name and seek financial aid? Or move to a smaller/cheaper place? Move back in with family?

NoMoreTractors · 04/08/2021 12:23

Be careful what you claim OP, if you're still in a relationship with your DH and living in the property he rents it could be seen as benefit fraud. You can't afford to run two households so either split then you would be entitled to more or give up one house and move in together or somewhere cheaper like a houseshare or with family or friends.

If you want to stay together would it help if you still budgeted as a couple, so you can see the joint income you have and the outgoings for both properties?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 04/08/2021 12:24

@ChargingBuck

(sod it, I'm on fire with typos today) .... All OP can do is divorce him, re-check her benefit entitlements, talk to her University's welfare/financial support office, & get onto the CMS.

In 6 months, she can get back to work full time.
Throwing away 2 years of study for the sake of 6 more months is counter-productive, & a false economy.

There is no need to "throw away 2 years of study". Taking a year out to be able to set themselves up so they can continue is possible.
KurtWilde · 04/08/2021 12:27

The DC have TWO parents. It's just as much OPs responsibility to keep a roof over their heads as it is her DH. Sooner or later she needs to realise that he's not going to pay her bills, that's not how separation works. He's responsible for child support, that's it. The tenancy agreement needs putting in her name if she intends to keep the family home.

Regardless of what they agreed upon when they first separated, she KNEW he was bad with money management and should've realised he would be unreliable with payments for rent etc. Whatever happened to taking some personal responsibility??

Goldbar · 04/08/2021 12:29

If you can't afford to pay the rent on your own, I definitely wouldn't try to have the lease put into your name. It's your ex who is liable to pay the rent so the landlord will go after him first if payments aren't made.

You need some proper legal advice.

MadisonMontgomery · 04/08/2021 12:36

You need to get a job and find a property you can afford on your own.

Bluntness100 · 04/08/2021 12:42

It’s not all on him op. He can’t afford two properties, as such you need to pay your share to house yourself. It seems you are split and expect him to pay to house him and you seperatly when you know full well he doesn’t earn enough to do that.

It’s not ok to say well I’m doing my degree, not my problem. It is your problem, you’re fifty percent liable.

Both of you need to step up.

topwings · 04/08/2021 12:42

It's amazing that some men think it's ok to prioritize themselves over their dependent children.

The OP says he has the children in the house he is renting. If he has them 50/50, he is already providing his share of the children's housing need.
If he has them less than 50%, he should contribute to the rent on the family home but the OP has responsibility here too and should also prioritise her children. If she isn't earning and they have split, it is entirely unreasonable of her to expect him to continue to fund her life. His only responsibility is to the children.

TatianaBis · 04/08/2021 12:54

I'm not sure why he moved out when he couldn't afford to.

Many couples on the edge of divorce find themselves stuck in the marital home for just that reason.

I would move forward with divorce and find somewhere you can afford to live.

TatianaBis · 04/08/2021 12:56

You will have to park your degree for the moment as you have rent to pay - so talk to your uni about that.

Babyroobs · 04/08/2021 12:57

If yo u are claiming benefits presumably Universal credit then you will get help to pay your rent. It's not really his responsibility now if he doesn't live there. maybe he can't afford to pay 2 lots of rent? He should be paying child maintenance though so get that sorted. Does he earn well?

FortunesFave · 04/08/2021 12:58

@topwings

It's amazing that some men think it's ok to prioritize themselves over their dependent children.

The OP says he has the children in the house he is renting. If he has them 50/50, he is already providing his share of the children's housing need.
If he has them less than 50%, he should contribute to the rent on the family home but the OP has responsibility here too and should also prioritise her children. If she isn't earning and they have split, it is entirely unreasonable of her to expect him to continue to fund her life. His only responsibility is to the children.

OP said clearly that he doesn't have them 50% of the time.
Nsky · 04/08/2021 12:59

He needs to get help for his debts, companies do this, he must see this, tho maybe his mental issues make it hard.
If a future between you both is to be had, he needs to see this

SunshineCake · 04/08/2021 13:01

Why do you want to get back with such a useless twat?

RantyAunty · 04/08/2021 13:04

You didn't say what your degree will be but is there a way to do some PT work in that field?