To dress baby DS in ‘girls’ clothes

[modu]

My son is 7 months old, I split up with his dad last month and DS has been seen him regularly. At the weekend, he went to his dads and I packed clothes, and one of the clothes was a baby grow and it had flowers on it and it was from the ‘girls’ section, I still bought it. His dad has been difficult since we split up, and he asked me why I bought a flower babygrow for him and that he'll be embarrassed when he's older and he'd hate his mum if she dressed him like that when he was a baby.

Aibu?

Candydreamer
Maybe not, but it does fit the pattern given the claims that there's nothing but blue and dinosaurs in the boys section.
The but I had to get this stereotypical opposite gendered clothing because there was only stereotypical gendered clothing in the same sex as my child tends to go hand in hand with the pat on the back approach in my experience, but I do appreciate the OP might not be.

It's not really an issue...OP wanted to piss her ex off.

Of course they can, no one is saying they can't.

@LolaSmiles I see what you are saying in terms of people suggesting their is no unisex option. however, I do think people should be able to to choose clothes based on the fact they simply like them rather than whether or not people will think they are wearing boys/girls clothes or at least getting to a point of not caring even if other people do think that.

[quote Horehound]@CalamityJaneDoe
they are traits which are generalised or classified to all individuals forming part of a specific category... So it's not things which are just plucked out of thin air.
So boys generally would prefer a car where a girl would pick a Barbie

Obviously there would be some exceptions.

But no, I don't mean we all have to accept this at all..it's just not everyone will accept any change in the perceived stereotypes quickly.[/quote]
That’s socialisation that you’re describing. Having oestrogen doesn’t be make you more likely to like cars, or flowers... children are a product of their genetics but also of the society in which they were raised. The reason so many teens feel confused about gender identity is because from infancy they are forced into these roles of girl and boy and they think the only escape is to identify out of it.

Stereotypes come from circumstance, misunderstanding, and propaganda. The stereotype that all lesbians are “straight girls showing off for men” or “men hating militant feminists” is clearly homophobic.

So why would it be different when the stereotype relates to sex?

Until fairly recently, babies of both sexes would wear dresses. My father was born in the 1940's and all of his baby photos show him in a dress. His mother was very conformist and told me that at that time, everybody dresses their babies like that, so she did too.

Different colours for the two sexes is a convention, not a necessity. Conventions change. When I started putting my second son in tights because he was cold but wouldn't keep his shoes and socks on, my mother was horrified. I didn't care, because my baby was warm, and I wasn't constantly hunting discarded socks. Some of the tights were lacy and some were plain. The colour depended mostly on what was available at the time. I don't remember exact colours because it wasn't important at the time, but I tended to buy mixed packs, so some may have been pink.

stereotype
/ˈstɛrɪə(ʊ)tʌɪp,ˈstɪərɪə(ʊ)tʌɪp/

noun
1.
a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing

Which is the same as what I said "they are traits which are generalised or classified to all individuals forming part of a specific category."

I really don't care to argue anyway about a 7 month in a flowery babygro. I doubt the baby cared what he was wearing! But he might when he's 8 and his mum dresses him in a tutu. That's the simple reality. Im not saying it's right or wrong.

@Horehound

stereotype /ˈstɛrɪə(ʊ)tʌɪp,ˈstɪərɪə(ʊ)tʌɪp/

noun
1.
a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing

Not really sure why you’ve defined stereotype here? I think we all agree on the definition, the part we disagree on is where the stereotypes come from. There is a stereotype that says that all black people like watermelon- are you going to suggest that that comes from genetics too? Or do you agree that that is exceptionally racist?

Should the world be harder for the boy who chooses the Barbie or the girl who chooses the car? Or should it really not matter what we wear or what we play with? Is it okay that the one main female dog in paw patrol has pink eyes and pink clothes? Is it okay that women are still paid less on average than men? Where does it stop, where is the line, if stereotyping is from nature and not societal influence then should all women stay home with the children and cook dinner for the working man?

A previous, outdated stereotype states that women are hysterical and cannot perform as well as men in the workplace. Is that nature? Where does that come from?

Candydreamer
I see what you're saying and agree that it's good to buy what people like.
For me there's so many options out there that are unisex that I don't see why someone who has an issue with gender stereotypes would buy stereotypical clothing associated with the opposite sex, whilst apparently objecting to stereotyped clothing associated with their child's sex.

I dunno why you're being so agressive @CalamityJaneDoe

Im merely pointing out that we do have stereotypes - mainly negative ones but some positive ones too and as much as the negatives ones are wrong you will not be able to just change people's mindsets and make them be accepted just 'cause.
It's all very well saying boys can wear what's inherently considered girly clothes but the reality is, they would be ostracised and bullied at school..that's a reality and as a mother, I wouldn't put my son in a dress for a dress down day at school because he would be mocked and laughed at. You know he would and i know he would.
So there's a balance of not conforming to a stereotype whilst not pushing being the opposite so far it would actually be to your detriment.

When my DS was tiny we waited for SIL to return the only unisex clothes his sister had when she was a baby that I'd lent her before her second baby was born when she didn't know which sex her baby was. She must have forgotten or something and I was too stingy sensible to buy new clothes so DS sometimes wore pink babygrows. MIL was not impressed

Apparently little boys used to wear pink.

And the most famous gardeners have been men so you can tell your ex that you're encouraging your baby to be a gardener.

What's wrong with flowers for boys?
There are lots of male gardeners.

@LolaSmiles

Candydreamer Maybe not, but it does fit the pattern given the claims that there's nothing but blue and dinosaurs in the boys section. The but I had to get this stereotypical opposite gendered clothing because there was only stereotypical gendered clothing in the same sex as my child tends to go hand in hand with the pat on the back approach in my experience, but I do appreciate the OP might not be.

That’s how I read it too. Trying so hard not to use one stereotype she went for the polar opposite one instead.

I have no idea why they still have "gendered" sections in a baby shop.

Absolutely ridiculous to think dinosaurs and blue are for boys, flowers and pink are for girls. Boys are inspired and adventurous, girls are timid and cutesty. Such outdated connotations that are applied throughout life that enforce outdated gender roles.

It's a baby! If flowers offend somebody then they're very fragile!

Surprised at some of these comments. It's not like OP has put him in a dress??

Flowers on clothes are not automatically feminine, lots of men wear flowery shirts or T-shirts.

OP obviously just chose the babygro because she liked it and it had some colour.

Actually it's been scientifically proven that baby boys can absorb gayness through the eyes. That's why you should always blinker them when walking through a meadow and throw a blanket over the pram when you walk past a florist.

If he thinks flowers are girly, show him a close up of a stamen. Big old flower-cock.

@LolaSmiles

I actually think this thread has highlighted the total opposite - how close minded OPs ex and some of the posters are rather than people who expect a pat on the back for recognising that it isn't a big issue what babies/children wear I think the pat on the back parents are as silly as the boys must only wear blue, girls wear pink parents. Both are signing up to stupid gender stereotypes, just one thinks they have to be followed and the other want a gold star for being so different. They're still both relying on gender stereotypes that kids don't need.

I don't see much difference between an adult arguing boys/girls must only wear blue/pink and an adult who sees obviously gendered clothing, buys it for their child of the opposite sex and then does the tilty head oh this, I can't imagine why anyone would think it's unusual that I went specifically to the girl section to buy my boy this strongly stereotypical girly clothing... surely clothes are just clothes and it doesn't matter right.

If someone genuinely felt gender stereotypes are silly and regressive and wasn't looking for a pat on the back or a reaction then they'd not be buying stereotypically gendered clothes because there's lots of unisex clothing out there in a range of colours and prints.

I do agree in theory as I have a friend who posts pictures of her son in dresses and skirts, and it does feel very performative.

However, a babygro with flowers on? I don't think that's necessarily heavily gendered at all. I guess it depends on the specifics of the actual item, but I would not think twice about dressing a boy in a shirt/t-shirt with flowers on, and same goes for a babygro.

@Crowsaregreat

Actually it's been scientifically proven that baby boys can absorb gayness through the eyes. That's why you should always blinker them when walking through a meadow and throw a blanket over the pram when you walk past a florist.

If he thinks flowers are girly, show him a close up of a stamen. Big old flower-cock.

@Crowsaregreat

Actually it's been scientifically proven that baby boys can absorb gayness through the eyes. That's why you should always blinker them when walking through a meadow and throw a blanket over the pram when you walk past a florist.

If he thinks flowers are girly, show him a close up of a stamen. Big old flower-cock.

Thank you for the advice! It would be the end of the world for me if my child was gay.

I just buy clothing I like for my DD2. DD1 gets clothes I think she’d like but she’s 7 now. I bloody love dinosaurs on clothes so DD2 has a lot of ‘boy’ clothes with dinosaurs on them. She’s 10mo and couldn’t care less what she wears. Cute and comfortable is what I’m aiming for.

@GojuRyuLover to clarify, I do not think being gay is a bad thing at all, but I think there's a kind of implied homophobia from people who think dressing boys in 'girls clothes' will harm them. It seems obvious that the harm would be not growing up to be a big strong straight man, right?

Of course it's fine if that's what you want to do, but why would you unless it was to get a rise out of your ex?

If no one will see it because he only sleeps in it, why does it matter if they are all blue with dinosaurs?

Yes, he probably will be embarrassed by photos of it later, but that could happen just because of changing fashions.

@Crowsaregreat Sorry, I took your post to be completely sarcastic and I was joining you. I wasn't having a go at you. Sorry if it came across that way.

I totally agree with you! The people who think like this are worried that a boy will grow up and be gay like that's a bad thing.