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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dress baby DS in ‘girls’ clothes

148 replies

modu · 04/08/2021 10:37

My son is 7 months old, I split up with his dad last month and DS has been seen him regularly. At the weekend, he went to his dads and I packed clothes, and one of the clothes was a baby grow and it had flowers on it and it was from the ‘girls’ section, I still bought it. His dad has been difficult since we split up, and he asked me why I bought a flower babygrow for him and that he'll be embarrassed when he's older and he'd hate his mum if she dressed him like that when he was a baby.

Aibu?

OP posts:
sailmeaway · 04/08/2021 12:56

good grief. I still buy DS - 11 - some 'girls' clothes because boys stuff is all black and green and camo and he likes a bit of colour occasionally... he looks like a boy wearing brightly coloured hoodies.
tell Dh to wind his neck in!

QueeniesCroft · 04/08/2021 12:56

It's just a babygrow. It doesn't matter. If his father wants different clothes for him, he can buy them.

Did he ask casually, or was he aggressive with you?

Nojusttheone · 04/08/2021 13:03

YABU - I once bought my husband a floral shirt and his penis dropped off the first time he wore it!

Your ex is clearly being ridiculous and as others have said, he should be providing clothes for his child while he is looking after him.

1forAll74 · 04/08/2021 13:07

I think that Monty Don,and Alan Titchmarch's mums, bought them babygro's with some little flowers on them sometimes. !!

TakeYourFinalPosition · 04/08/2021 13:09

I don't have an issue with dinosaurs or blue clothes, but that's all there is in the boys section.

It’s really not. I’m pregnant; so have been in the baby section a lot recently - there’s more blue and dinosaurs than I’d like, but we have a decent wardrobe from newborn to 1 year and no dinosaurs or overly blue stuff in sight. (No pink either, or flowers; because we don’t know what we’re having).

LittleBitOfMayo · 04/08/2021 13:10

You need to shop somewhere else then.

There was a TT video recently of this woman showing the boys section and how it all had dinosaurs had a quite a few views actually Hmm. But she was in one shop. One.

Places like Zara, H&M etc all have a lovely neutral baby clothes.

I don't think a 7 month old boy needs to be dressed in girls clothes. Until he chooses to of course.

Kanaloa · 04/08/2021 13:13

I understand if it’s a hand me down but I wouldn’t go out of the way to buy a girls baby grow to put on my son.

When mine were little it was all white vests, babygrows etc - then they could all go on a white wash and be bleached when they inevitable got scruffy/stained.

Sparklesocks · 04/08/2021 13:13

It's just a baby gro. I don't think your son will grow up traumatised about an item of clothing he wore during a time that he has no memory of

timeisnotaline · 04/08/2021 13:19

‘You can always buy him some clothes yourself, I don’t make you dress him in anything.’
End of.
My little boys had some girls range - a joules pink baby grow, a blue floral blanket, blue floral shorts, and I have in a drawer the sweet blue floral dresses my mum made for my eldest brother as newborn wear, and I remember my youngest brother wearing them too, which was absolutely the norm. I could care less what anyone with toxic views on masculinity thinks.

ElizaDoolots · 04/08/2021 13:20

YANBU OP, but there is still a lot more stigma attached to boys appearing to look/act like girls than for girls looking/acting like boys.

You hear loads of parents proudly talking about how their girls like train-sets, playing football and wear blue clothes, etc, but you rarely hear of boys being taken to ballet classes or dressing up as princesses.

It’s steeped in misogyny and the idea that feminine things are bad and masculine things are good.

Narwhalsh · 04/08/2021 13:21

I’ve bought so much from the ‘girls’ sections from my boys because the clothes are nicer! Boys get stuck from a very young age in navy, khaki, grey and stripes according to the consumer marketers or who ever makes these decisions... boys like wearing bright and fun colours and patterns too! My boys 5&3 pick their own outfits and regularly look like a rainbow threw up on them and they love it Grin

ElephantOfRisk · 04/08/2021 13:27

I feel like i'm living in a parallel universe to the one where only pink, blue, flowery or dinosaur clothes exist.

Admittedly i've not been out much in physical shops other than supermarkets but even if you ignore the white, beige, grey stuff, there are plenty of colourful clothes for both sexes in supermarkets or on-line.

Parker231 · 04/08/2021 13:28

Some people are totally ridiculous around what babies should wear.
I have b/g twins - they only wore babygros until they were about nine months old. They wore whichever one DH or I picked out of the pile. Some days DS wore peach and DD navy blue. Other days one wore pink and the other green. I never checked who was wearing what colour - I was just glad to get them dressed!

Sirzy · 04/08/2021 13:34

@ElephantOfRisk

I feel like i'm living in a parallel universe to the one where only pink, blue, flowery or dinosaur clothes exist.

Admittedly i've not been out much in physical shops other than supermarkets but even if you ignore the white, beige, grey stuff, there are plenty of colourful clothes for both sexes in supermarkets or on-line.

I’m in the same universe as you then! I have just had a quick look on next website and there are still lots of bright and lovely baby clothes on here so they are there still in my worlds
ElevenSmiles · 04/08/2021 13:41

Did you dress your son in flower babygrows before you split up ?

Comedycook · 04/08/2021 13:44

I understand if it’s a hand me down but I wouldn’t go out of the way to buy a girls baby grow to put on my son

Yes I agree. Look, it's a baby,it doesn't really matter but I think it's a little odd to purposefully but a girl's babygro....unless it particularly unisex looking or plain.

Comedycook · 04/08/2021 13:44

*buy

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/08/2021 13:49

If you use the filters on the Next website for Newborn - Boy and compare to the clothes that show when you do Newborn - Girl... the clothes shown in the Boys results are overwhelmingly blue/primary/dark/vehicles/dinosaurs/camo/lions/tigers etc. The results for the Girls filter are overwhelmingly pink/pastel/floral/unicorns/strappy/frills etc. This is how they would be arranged in the shops too. Sure there are a few items which buck these trends, but they really are a very small minority compared to the rest.

ElephantOfRisk · 04/08/2021 13:50

@AssassinatedBeauty

If you use the filters on the Next website for Newborn - Boy and compare to the clothes that show when you do Newborn - Girl... the clothes shown in the Boys results are overwhelmingly blue/primary/dark/vehicles/dinosaurs/camo/lions/tigers etc. The results for the Girls filter are overwhelmingly pink/pastel/floral/unicorns/strappy/frills etc. This is how they would be arranged in the shops too. Sure there are a few items which buck these trends, but they really are a very small minority compared to the rest.
If you don't use the filter or use the unisex filter there is plenty of bright clothes as well as white etc.
Candydreamer · 04/08/2021 13:56

urgh one day most of us will catch up to the year 2021 and realise that a baby wearing a "girls" baby grow really doesn't matter.

Can I ask those who think this is wrong what their actual problem with it is? Genuinely, I don't understand the problem with a boy wearing pink or flowers. Is it some backwards idea that they may not be as manly as they grow older or embarrassed what your friends and family will think?

Either way, it's a bit pathetic.

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/08/2021 14:02

@ElephantOfRisk well, the unisex option returns a huge amount of white, light grey, pastel green and pastel yellow... the brights are a significant minority.

Obviously there are some brighter clothes in both sections, and if you don't use the filters. That isn't the point. The vast majority of the clothes that Next label as "boys" are blue/primary/dark/vehicles/dinosaurs/camo/lions/tigers. The vast majority of clothes labelled as "girls" are pink/pastel/floral/unicorns/strappy/frills. That's how they will be arranged in the shops as well. It is not wrong to say that this particular (typical) retailer of baby clothes heavily gender-stereotypes the items they sell.

Sirzy · 04/08/2021 14:07

But they also sell a large range of things that don’t fit those stereotypes. I think some people just try not to see them! Like I said 12 years ago I had no trouble finding lots of bright colours in next and others and having had a quick look at their website just it’s not changed - infact online there is an even wider variety.

And of course they only sell what people want. So people like the OP buying the floral will make them keep selling them. They sell what their is demand for.

LolaSmiles · 04/08/2021 14:12

I've dressed DC in all kinds of colours and don't subscribe to the boy=blue and pink=girl thinking, but still find it a bit eye-roll worthy when parents buy something heavily gendered in line with the opposite sex, then dress their baby/toddlers in it and seem to want congratulating on how open minded they are.

You're right ElephantOfRisk. There's lots of unisex clothing out there in everything from whites, greys and neutrals, to pastels to brights and prints.
Some shops do draw more on silly colour stereotyping but I don't buy the idea that people who go out their way to buy obviously opposite gendered (read tailored to stupid stereotypes that kids don't need) clothing are doing it because they can't find unisex clothing. Some people just want a pat on the back or a reaction.

ElephantOfRisk · 04/08/2021 14:15

Yes well some people want to buy pink or blue or flowers or dinosaurs, that doesn't mean that's all they sell. I filtered by colour and got plenty of choice, whether there is more choice if you want blue or pink is, i imagine, down to what sells. It's just not true to say that that there is nothing else or that there is little choice or that it's hard to find. It's the implication that if you want a bright sleepsuit or t-shirt for your child of any sex then there is nothing to buy, that's simply not true, even for a standard high street shop rather than an expensive skandi brand. Also a good few choices in supermarket brands.

Candydreamer · 04/08/2021 14:15

@LolaSmiles

I've dressed DC in all kinds of colours and don't subscribe to the boy=blue and pink=girl thinking, but still find it a bit eye-roll worthy when parents buy something heavily gendered in line with the opposite sex, then dress their baby/toddlers in it and seem to want congratulating on how open minded they are.

You're right ElephantOfRisk. There's lots of unisex clothing out there in everything from whites, greys and neutrals, to pastels to brights and prints.
Some shops do draw more on silly colour stereotyping but I don't buy the idea that people who go out their way to buy obviously opposite gendered (read tailored to stupid stereotypes that kids don't need) clothing are doing it because they can't find unisex clothing. Some people just want a pat on the back or a reaction.

I actually think this thread has highlighted the total opposite - how close minded OPs ex and some of the posters are rather than people who expect a pat on the back for recognising that it isn't a big issue what babies/children wear.