To not give in & clean the kitchen, before environmental health is called

[Debbiethemum]

DH & I agreed months ago that he would be responsible for cleaning the kitchen & bathroom, I would do the rest of the house and the laundry.

I have given in and cleaned those two rooms a couple of times (just before visitors were expected). BUT I am getting sick of it.

MIL is coming for the weekend and even I can't bear the kitchen any more in it's current state.

How much nagging is OK and what deadline should I give him.

Also I think this demarcation is a bit odd

ie you do x and I do Y

DH and i are both capable of doing anything at all - so we just do whatever needs doing. He is better at it than me I reckon!

jelliebelly - if he is not suffering from repetitive strain injury then your bath is not truly clean.

Swedes - it looks clean though and that's good enough for me

That only works if you both actually do something though CD.

That's what we do, because I'm at home during the week, so most of what needs doing during the day I do. In the evenings and at weekends, we just get on with it.

I think people just fall into it CD, rather than making hard and fast rules.

My DW makes a big deal about the laundry. She almost takes it as a peronal affront when the laundry bag is full Personally, I can't see what the fuss is about... but then I still don't do it myself.

But then she claims to 'not be able' to clean the bathroom, as she just ends up moving the muck around. Mysterious

Jellie belly, I would quite like a male student cleaner. We had a cleaner, very briefly, who was a lesbian student who was cleaning to fund her volunteer work with abused children.

And if cleaning work were valued like, say, building work, I think that makes a difference too. But Anna's comment a few posts back of being the employer and the employee is different to the transaction you have with a builder or a surgeon doing an operation. Employing a cleaner puts you in an employer-employee relationship, more of a power thing, less a transaction of skills.

I know this isn't so for everyone and not for every cleaner. But to me it feels a bit uncomfortable.

Fennel - I think that distinguishing between salaried and fee-based work is not useful or interesting.

The point is - no-one has the ability or skills or time to do everything he or she needs to do in life for himself and it is much more efficient and progressive in an economy/society if everyone specialises and does what they are best at.

If your DH (for example) is crap at housework but an absolutely stunningly brilliant physicist - why would you insist he does housework? Employ a cleaner for a few hours a week and let your DH work as a physicist for those hours - he will be better at his job and happier that way. And the cleaner will thank you for the job.

I think I see where you're coming from Fennel but surely the notion of valuing somebody's contribution is down to the person receiving said contribution. So if you employed a cleaner and valued their contribution to your household surely that would be a good thing.

On the other hand, if somebody employs a cleaner because they believe those tasks are beneath them and they view said cleaner as a less worthy individual then surely that is a bad thing.

I don't think that anybody should say they don't have a cleaner because it it morally wrong to do so - if the arrangement suits both parties and each is treated with respect then I don't see what the problem would be.

I am smirking slightly at your PC choices of cleaner Fennel

Jelliebellie - exactly. If you value and respect your cleaner and treat them properly - that's fine.

Fennel - that was good that your ex cleaner was able to fund her good work through your employ - as a matter of interest was it better, worse or immaterial that she was a lesbian?

Tellusmater - Smirking more than slightly here.

We had a cleaner, very briefly, who was a lesbian student who was cleaning to fund her volunteer work with abused children.

This is a parody surely?

Anna, as it happens my DP is quite a brilliant physicist [smile). That's his background. But as a partner his skills as a physicist are immaterial. For me, I need a co-parent and co-cleaner.

Swedes, it was just by chance, she came through an agency, but it pleased me, just because it sounded so desperately right-on.

I do agree that if the cleaning work can be managed as an equal transaction between two people who fully respect each other's work and choices, then there isn't a moral or ideological problem with it. I haven't found it quite that easy to do, personally.

And if not, how does the fact that she was a lesbian student make her more acceptable to employ than anyone else?! Not being aggressive, genuinely perplexed!

Fennel - oh well, everyone is looking for different things in a couple relationship. It honestly hadn't occurred to me that "co-cleaner" might be one of them . Because, I suppose, that is a task that is so easily outsourced - unlike parenting. I quite agree that I wish my partner to be a great co-parent because I think it is impossible hard to outsource parenting.

Thanks for all your messages. I will suggest that we both clean as much as we can tonight.

I have tried various methods of sharing the housework in the past. But the only thing that has worked is getting a cleaner.

DH was out of work for some of the spring/summer, which was why we let the last cleaner go - & she wasn't very good so will not get them back again.
He didn't do all the cleaning then, but IMO job-hunting should be treated as a job in its own right, so wasn't annoyed about that.
He has just finished a 4 month contract and has some freelance work also some job interviews. But once the income is reliable again we will get another cleaner.

After the weekend, we will have another chat. Maybe if he suggests the split this time it might work better. BUT he has never complained at any of my suggestions.

Debbie - I enjoyed the thread, thanks for starting it . Good luck.

Thanks Anna, I may need it.

X posts Fennel

Having a cleaner does feel slightly wrong to me too for some reason (liberal guilt?), but time is so scarce these days that we might bite the bullet.

Hm YANBU if he agreed. BUT kitchens are were mums hang out the most and need to be kept in a reasonalble state the rest of the house can go hang.

Actually....your in la la land to think that one person is going to do all the washing up and cleaning in the kitchen all the time.

Why would you "hang" most in the kitchen - if that was where i spent all my time, i suppose i might be tempted to hang myself though.

Gosh no I don't hang out in the kitchen. In my living room, dining room, bedroom, bathroom yes. Kitchen no - I cook there and sometimes eat there.