To not give in & clean the kitchen, before environmental health is called

[Debbiethemum]

DH & I agreed months ago that he would be responsible for cleaning the kitchen & bathroom, I would do the rest of the house and the laundry.

I have given in and cleaned those two rooms a couple of times (just before visitors were expected). BUT I am getting sick of it.

MIL is coming for the weekend and even I can't bear the kitchen any more in it's current state.

How much nagging is OK and what deadline should I give him.

"Debbiethemum - kitchens need to be cleaned every day and bathrooms at least twice a week and most of the grot of the housework is in those rooms. The rest of the house needs hoovering and dusting once a week."

My word. When do we have fun?!

I like it but it has to be said there's not much of it in our house - just the occassional shirt for a wedding or important meeting, and a few things of mine.

Anna - look at this from the pov of a woman who also works f/t outside the home.

He does about half the cooking - so there fore she does about half the cooking
He does the shop - she does tidying and packed lunches
How much DIY and car maintencance needs doing, i wonder?

She does all the cleaning that gets done, and all the laundry.

She shouldn't be grateful that 'he does quite a lot' if it is less than half, and specifically if he has not honoured the thing he said he WOULD do.

It just isn't the same if you both work outside the home.

In my house most of the grot on the planet is in those rooms

Our kitchen gets cleaned once a week 9by cleaned i mean mopped floor, draining board scrubbed, cooker top cleaned etc)
The rest of the time the surfaces get a wipedown and floor swept if very bad.

Blu - I'm not asking her to be grateful or saying that labour shouldn't be divided 50:50.

It was just that earlier down the thread my understanding was that the DP was doing nothing when actually it seems he does do quite a lot. Very hard to judge from this distance whether the division is fair or not.

What sometimes happens is that in a couple one half hates every single task involved with running a home and the other person likes somes tasks, so does them without making a fuss. The person who hates everything feels hard done by because they have more "chores" than the other. But that's tough, I fear...

yes - I think that's true, Anna.

RE the weight that 'attitude' adds to any particular job.

It is sometimes easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because someone 'enjoys' something it doesn't count as a chore. I do that myself as DH does love to tinker with cars, so I tend to view car maintenance as a hobby. But as he pointed out last time he fixed my brakes late in the evening in the freezing cold, it doesn't always feel like that to him.

And just because I enjoy cooking, doesn't mean that I don't view it as something that needs to be done, even when I don't really feel like it.

I think you need a full and frank discussion.

Our kitchen receives the same treatment as blu's. I could not be mopping it every single day.

My kitchen is white all over - white floor tiles, white cupboards, white wall tiles...

So it gets cleaned every day...

But not white towels

We get in that same situation quite regularly, cleaning being the thing DP and I argue about most. We have sometimes had a cleaner in the past but I really don't want one, nor does DP, for ideological reasons (despite knowing that I'm the only feminist in the world left who still has issues with having a cleaner, but that's probably another thread...).

What I do, if I really can't bear the mess and DP hasn't done it, is do it but then become massively grumpy and "too tired from excess cleaning for sex". Also "too tired to cook anything for DP even if I'm cooking for the girls." etc. DP appreciates this, and starts cleaning more.

Ours is brown.

mine has white units, appliances and tiles, and light coloured floors, but still only done once a week.

I think what Anna said is right, I clean my kitchen every day, I clean my bathroom everyday, because they get dirty.
After dinner I wash up, and do the sides, put anything away etc. If the floor needs sweeping I sweep it. IMO That's cleaning.

The bedroom and living room however, I would say I tidy every day, by sorting cushions out and the such, but they don't need as much doen to them.

Then on a saturday morning the hosue gets a proper clean, everywhere is done, all bedrooms, things like empty bathroom containers thrown out, dusting, hoovering, moving things to clean behind them etc.

Debbiethemum, do you think that maybe as the jobs DH has to do ahven't been done for while, everything has built up so it seems more of a task to him???

Blu I do exactly the same as you in the kitchen. I don't want to spend time cleaning it every day even if I had the time, and I would not have chosen a white kitchen for exactly that reason.

FWIW our bathroom gets cleaned once a week too (obv I wipe the basin/clean toilet more often if needed)

We are also out all day and therefore not using bathroom or kitchen during that time...

Oh, and I do bathroom and dh does kitchen. Fair enough. (He does other stuff too - in fact, half of everything)

TM - I didn't choose the kitchen . The tiles were already there and my partner chose the white cupboards (I was in England).

In his defence, the room is very dark so the white makes it a bit brighter. Wood or a dark colour would be impossible.

Fennel I'm afraid I also object to having a cleaner for feminist/lefty reasons. That and the fact that I can't actually afford one

No way would I install a kitchen that needed daily cleaning.
And if our kitchen was all white, it still wouldn't get cleaned every day.

Not unless one of us stopped work in the interests of kitchen gleamery...or we got a cleaner every day!

doggiesayswoof - the feminist/lefty argument for a cleaner goes: if you can afford to employ someone who otherwise wouldn't have a job, you have a moral responsibility to do so

But how dirty does the outside of a cupboard get?

Mine is white too. It was here when we moved in. I am warming to it... It does need cleaning every day. It needs it, but it doesn't get it.

WHat is the feminist objection to cleaners please?

Blu - I thinkit would probably be OK if I didn't have a mucky habit of reading the paper in the kitchen. Fingerprints...

Lol blu, you're obviously a cleaner cook than I am, my cupboards always get things splashed down the front of them

Get a cleaner - even if you have to sacrifice something else to pay for it - you will reap the benefits in terms of marital harmony..If you both work full time a cleaner should be a necessity not a luxury IMO.

If you really can't afford a cleaner then you need to agree who is going to do what and stick to it - nagging won't work because it will just make him resentful - he needs to understand that it is his responsibility to do it if that's what he agreed to. It comes down to teamwork really and remember that you are setting an example for your children of how these things work too.