Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How many kids did you want v's how many you have

570 replies

RevolvingPivot · 02/08/2021 15:40

I wanted 3. I've got 2.

OP posts:
Lagomtransplant · 03/08/2021 12:08

Sorry, that was a tax credit increase to three, not two.

nc8765 · 03/08/2021 12:27

Wanted 3. Have 2.

No more. Not because I don't want more, because it would stretch us financially, and probably ruin my marriage.

Vanilla1Cookies · 03/08/2021 12:30

@Lagomtransplant

Sorry, that was a tax credit increase to three, not two.
You should only be having the third one because you can afford it. Not because you’re entitled to more benefits that would pay for it.

The child tax credit limit is fine at 2.

Justletmelogon · 03/08/2021 12:32

@Lagomtransplant

Thank you for that, its fascinating! I love facts like this. and makes a valid point re child tax credits etc

ImRhondaAndthesearentreal · 03/08/2021 12:32

Wanted none. Have one. Pregnant with second.

Briarshollow · 03/08/2021 12:33

It’s the concept of actually ‘wanting’ children, and even having a number of them in mind, that baffles me. I just don’t have that.

To me, pregnancy has always been a negative idea, something we (women, that is) go to great pains to avoid for such a huge portion of our lives.

I have a child but he wasn’t planned, he was an accident. One that took me to the edge of suicide and back, when I discovered the pregnancy. I endured it all and am actually a pretty good mother, surprisingly. Not maternal at all, but effective and I wouldn’t change it now.

But the idea of wanting to have a child is so alien to me. I just saw them as the destroyer of lives. And I’ve been told that I’m ‘abnormal’ for that. Confused

Briarshollow · 03/08/2021 12:33

Sorry, that was to @NCfordis

Lagomtransplant · 03/08/2021 12:38

@Vanilla1Cookies

Oh, on a single family level, I absolutely agree, however, all the stats (not including this one hobby-like I did here) point out that, unless 3 children become the norm, healthcare, social care and pension systems will become an unsustainable luxury by the end of a decade. So it really is a case of the twopence that sank the ship.

pinkyredrose · 03/08/2021 13:02

How did the people who didn't want children end up having them?
Genuine question.

AudacityBaby · 03/08/2021 13:31

Wanted 1 or 2, got 0 plus the menopause at 32. The trade-off being that I didn't die at that age, I guess...

FamishedAtAnAirport · 03/08/2021 13:41

@pinkyredrose

How did the people who didn't want children end up having them? Genuine question.
Well, when a man and a woman love each other...

Have you never heard of unplanned pregnancy?

FamishedAtAnAirport · 03/08/2021 13:44

@AudacityBaby

Wanted 1 or 2, got 0 plus the menopause at 32. The trade-off being that I didn't die at that age, I guess...
That sounds tough. I'm sorry life had other ideas for you. Flowers
Opalfeet · 03/08/2021 13:48

@pinkyredrose. Changed my mind, pretty late on I have to say. Glad I did though I love my two boys- had them at 39 and 41 with a three losses in total. A reason why I would try and recommend trying by 35/6/7

Opalfeet · 03/08/2021 13:49

I'm sorry @AudacityBaby.

Opalfeet · 03/08/2021 13:50

@FamishedAtAnAirport ours weren't unplanned, very very planned.

It's a reasonable q, it was actually my mum dying that got me really thinking about it

CounsellorTroi · 03/08/2021 13:51

2, after years of trying and IVF would have been thrilled with one, eventually none.

AudacityBaby · 03/08/2021 13:51

Thanks @FamishedAtAnAirport and @Opalfeet. I'm getting to be at peace with it. Have two cats instead. Grin

Porcupineintherough · 03/08/2021 13:52

Wanted 3, have 2. In retrospect this was the right decision.

FamishedAtAnAirport · 03/08/2021 13:54

[quote Opalfeet]@FamishedAtAnAirport ours weren't unplanned, very very planned.

It's a reasonable q, it was actually my mum dying that got me really thinking about it[/quote]
You didn't want children yet you planned to have children?

I'm really not sure how that works.

My first was very very unplanned. But these things happen. And in very happy that they do.

animaginativeusername · 03/08/2021 13:56

Wanted 2, I have 4

BoatsBoatsBOOOATS · 03/08/2021 14:00

Wanted 2, have 3 (can’t plan for twins).
If I knew then what I know now (about what a shit parent I would be, nothing against the kids) I would have stuck at 1.
Love them all but my God am I terrible at this!

AryaStarkWolf · 03/08/2021 14:02

Wanted 2, have 2

Louise5754 · 03/08/2021 14:03

Is it that common to have unplanned pregnancies? I've never thought about it but seems to be a few on here. I planned both dd's.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/08/2021 14:03

@BoatsBoatsBOOOATS

Wanted 2, have 3 (can’t plan for twins). If I knew then what I know now (about what a shit parent I would be, nothing against the kids) I would have stuck at 1. Love them all but my God am I terrible at this!
awww I'm sure you're not!
FamishedAtAnAirport · 03/08/2021 14:09

@Louise5754

Is it that common to have unplanned pregnancies? I've never thought about it but seems to be a few on here. I planned both dd's.
According to Google:
How many kids did you want v's how many you have