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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Skinny office feeder

578 replies

Weallloveted · 02/08/2021 08:10

I can't work out whether I am being unreasonable over this. I have always struggled with my weight but have generally kept it reasonably close to normal BMI (but always at the top end). A couple of years ago, it crept up by about 3 stone and I was obese. I have lost that since but it's a battle to keep it under control and I really struggle with food cravings but I accept that this is my lot in life and if being a reasonably healthy weight means being careful my whole life then so be it. I don't foist it onto anyone else.

My issue is with a woman I work with. She is what most would call skinny. Maybe not medically underweight but very close to it. Probably around a size 6 or 8 or so. She is a self-declared 'cake addict' and claims that no work meeting can be complete without cake. She will bring in proper big iced cakes that she has made and will share it round at meetings and will comment if someone refuses and say something like 'life's too short not to treat yourself' and it will get really awkward. The thing is that I am not one of those people who can have just one slice. If I eat a huge piece of carrot cake in the meeting, it then sends me spiralling. I have to avoid sugary treats altogether. Maybe she has amazing willpower or a super-fast metabolism but I gain weight so easily and binge eating is a real struggle. I have considered lying and saying I have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes but I'm not sure anyone would believe it as I am not really overweight.

I just find this sort of thing so difficult. Why do people feel the right to have a say over what others put in their mouths? And why is it a personal insult to her if I refuse? Part of it is also that I don't feel 'thin enough' to refuse, as in my body looks like someone who doesn't strictly control food, but I have to. I haven't spoken to anyone else at work about it.

AIBU? Oh and the reason I mentioned her size is that I don't think she has ever had a weight problem so she can't understand how much of a struggle it is for those of us that do.

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 03/08/2021 07:19

@Musication

Sorry, but your 'skinny' colleague isn't responsible for your issues with controlling your sugar intake. She is allowed to offer cake around it is a normal thing to do. Also, slim people don't much like being called skinny.
She's not simply offering cake around, and nobody called her skinny that she's aware of.
Musication · 03/08/2021 07:26

The title is Skinny office feeder.
I don't see what a firm 'no thank you, I don't eat cake' can't be employed here. If she insists, then say it again and tell her you won't be eating it but thanks for the offer.

Musication · 03/08/2021 07:26

Oh hang on, she's not aware of being called skinny it's just behind her back or on an Internet forum, so that's fine. Okay...

TheFoundations · 03/08/2021 07:30

@Musication

Oh hang on, she's not aware of being called skinny it's just behind her back or on an Internet forum, so that's fine. Okay...
Do you think she'll mind, then? Given that we don't know if she'd mind in real life, how do you know? You seem to be being 'the voice of skinny people', but as a skinny person, I'd say it's fine to be called skinny.

If you don't like it, object when somebody says it to you. But don't try to speak for everybody.

Musication · 03/08/2021 07:31

Yeah I'm slim and no I don't like being called skinny.

TheFoundations · 03/08/2021 07:38

@Musication

Yeah I'm slim and no I don't like being called skinny.
Yes, but the thread isn't about you.

Sorry for the derail, OP!

gingganggooleywotsit · 03/08/2021 07:39

That is annoying op. I don’t have a problem with food, but i do like to do on an evening out with work colleagues without drinking, and I get really annoyed when they go on at me and try to convince me to have just one. Just be firm and stick to your guns. You are trying really hard to beat your food addiction, good on you.

gingganggooleywotsit · 03/08/2021 07:42

The people moaning about the use of the word ‘skinny’ need to get a grip. Op simply used that word to describe the situation, and for context. God, hardly the crime of the century.

pinkcircustop · 03/08/2021 07:43

@Musication

Yeah I'm slim and no I don't like being called skinny.
People just like using skinny as an insult to make themselves feel better about being overweight.

Just ignore it, realise it for what it is and take comfort in the fact that you’re a healthy weight Smile

pinkcircustop · 03/08/2021 07:44

@gingganggooleywotsit

The people moaning about the use of the word ‘skinny’ need to get a grip. Op simply used that word to describe the situation, and for context. God, hardly the crime of the century.
Oh good. I’ll remember this whenever I want to refer to fat people as exactly that: fat.
Musication · 03/08/2021 07:44

@TheFoundations Nor is it about you but you still let us know that you don't have a problem being called skinny.
I am only giving an alternative potential viewpoint from the colleague perspective. She may not be trying to feed up the op and perhaps op just needs to be a bit more assertive. How is the colleague supposed to know the op has ongoing struggles with food and sugar? She doesn't so unfortunately it's for the op to be a bit more assertive if colleague is going on a bit

Musication · 03/08/2021 07:45

@gingganggooleywotsit

The people moaning about the use of the word ‘skinny’ need to get a grip. Op simply used that word to describe the situation, and for context. God, hardly the crime of the century.
Noted. I will remember to just called fat people fat. I'm sure that'll be fine!
gingganggooleywotsit · 03/08/2021 07:46

Some people are determined to be offended. Do what you like!

TheFoundations · 03/08/2021 07:51

@Musication

Also, slim people don't much like being called skinny

This isn't giving an alternative viewpoint. This is making a blanket statement that assumes that your own view is universal. Anyway, as you say, neither your nor my viewpoint in this is the point of the thread, so I'm going to stop derailing now.

TillyTopper · 03/08/2021 07:51

Urgh I can't bear that - you feel bad if you don't participate after the cake giver "went to all that trouble".

I find it easier to make excuses instead of a flat no sometimes, try "No, I'm more of a savoury person", "No thanks, I'm going to out tonight, need to leave some room ha ha", "No thanks trying to look after my teeth" and "For the love of god stop with the feckin cake" may also work! I feel your pain!!

Musication · 03/08/2021 07:52

Alright, SOME slim people do not like to be called skinny.
Good luck in navigating this situation op I'm sure you can find a way around it.

TheFoundations · 03/08/2021 07:54

What about tipping the balance a bit, OP? You could bring in some savouries and see if anybody partakes? I did it in our office and quite a few people were relieved to see healthy nibbles (olives, baby carrots, sliced peppers, hummus etc) The cake continued, but sometimes savouries came as well.

Macncheeseballs · 03/08/2021 07:55

I don't mind/haven't minded being called skinny

topcat2014 · 03/08/2021 07:56

I start a new job soon and plan on not partaking from day one..

gingganggooleywotsit · 03/08/2021 07:58

@TheFoundations

What about tipping the balance a bit, OP? You could bring in some savouries and see if anybody partakes? I did it in our office and quite a few people were relieved to see healthy nibbles (olives, baby carrots, sliced peppers, hummus etc) The cake continued, but sometimes savouries came as well.
Really good idea.
MessOfEyelinerAndSpraypaint · 03/08/2021 08:00

She sounds like someone with serious food issues herself. From personal experience, I know that often a journey into anorexia (the road has been travelled all my life since, sadly) - that alongside the personal restriction comes a phase of needing to cook & feed others. Her insistence is part of her control & it is essential for your health that you stand firm with her. Quietly repeat no thank you til she realises your boundaries will not bend to her manipulative needs. If she makes a fuss, tell her she appears to have a problem.

rainyskylight · 03/08/2021 08:02

YANBU OP. I’m a recovered bulimic. One slice would put the whole day into a terrible spiral. It’s rude for her to insist.

I’m lucky enough to now be able to pick and choose when I eat sweet things and it not have awful consequences. But occasionally this does mean putting my foot down at work. For example : “sorry no it’s too soon after lunch”, or “sorry no I just had a biscuit”. “Sorry no I ate out quite a bit over the weekend”. “Sorry no it’s too close to lunch”. “Sorry no I’m going out this evening and want to have dessert”. Etc etc. If they really insist I say I will come back in a couple of hours and get some then. And then I just don’t.

M4J4 · 03/08/2021 08:03

I think anyone bringing food into nearly every meeting is bonkers or has issues. Is she reassured by the sight of all those iced cakes in her proximity?

SwanShaped · 03/08/2021 08:07

Sounds like she has food issues. She sees food as a way of caring or something. I had a friend who would offer food constantly and pressure you to have it and it turned out she was bulimic. She was slim so you’d never have known. It shouldn’t cause her to comment if you say no. I’d either tell her your issue, or just keep saying no. Hopefully she’ll get bored of comments?! How long has she been doing it?

Lighthouseblue · 03/08/2021 08:19

Every time say, 'Not for me but I'll take home a slice for the dog'. She'll soon stop offering.

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