Skinny office feeder

[Weallloveted]

I can't work out whether I am being unreasonable over this. I have always struggled with my weight but have generally kept it reasonably close to normal BMI (but always at the top end). A couple of years ago, it crept up by about 3 stone and I was obese. I have lost that since but it's a battle to keep it under control and I really struggle with food cravings but I accept that this is my lot in life and if being a reasonably healthy weight means being careful my whole life then so be it. I don't foist it onto anyone else.

My issue is with a woman I work with. She is what most would call skinny. Maybe not medically underweight but very close to it. Probably around a size 6 or 8 or so. She is a self-declared 'cake addict' and claims that no work meeting can be complete without cake. She will bring in proper big iced cakes that she has made and will share it round at meetings and will comment if someone refuses and say something like 'life's too short not to treat yourself' and it will get really awkward. The thing is that I am not one of those people who can have just one slice. If I eat a huge piece of carrot cake in the meeting, it then sends me spiralling. I have to avoid sugary treats altogether. Maybe she has amazing willpower or a super-fast metabolism but I gain weight so easily and binge eating is a real struggle. I have considered lying and saying I have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes but I'm not sure anyone would believe it as I am not really overweight.

I just find this sort of thing so difficult. Why do people feel the right to have a say over what others put in their mouths? And why is it a personal insult to her if I refuse? Part of it is also that I don't feel 'thin enough' to refuse, as in my body looks like someone who doesn't strictly control food, but I have to. I haven't spoken to anyone else at work about it.

AIBU? Oh and the reason I mentioned her size is that I don't think she has ever had a weight problem so she can't understand how much of a struggle it is for those of us that do.

I used to work with someone similar, she never used to eat any herself just used to wave them under everyone's noses and keep going on about them. I figure she was either just being nice or had something else going on that was none of my business; either way I just used to say no thank you and she gave up asking.

@eightyfourandahalf

She certainly never has more than once piece as far as I remember. like most people basically!

Blaming others because some of you have weird food issues is very childish. Most people would find it rude to take more than one piece of cake in a communal setting anyway, even if they did want one.

Ffs I’m not blaming her for eating cake! She can eat what she wants. I’d just prefer it if she didn’t comment on me turning the cake down and make general comments about how life without cake isn’t worth living. My food issues are pretty common. Two thirds of adults are overweight and food addiction among the overweight is not rare.

Ffs I’m not blaming her for eating cake! She can eat what she wants. I’d just prefer it if she didn’t comment on me turning the cake down and make general comments about how life without cake isn’t worth living.

I agree that a "no thank you" from you should be enough, and she is rude to insist, even if it's not a big deal to keep saying no until she moves on.
How much time is your boss happy to waste in meeting until all this cake sharing is going on?

Your posts however are very unpleasant over her being "skinny, not over-eating" etc.

You can eat a slice of cake every day and be skinny.

A slice of this cake is 204 calories...

Still have a big calories allowance left to fit healthy food and decent meal sizes in your day. Not everybody needs to stuff themselves or drink endless sweet tea through the day etc.

People will be less fat if they didn't obsess so much about food, naughty food and learned to stick to regular portion, or just saying NO.🤷

@eightyfourandahalf

Ffs I’m not blaming her for eating cake! She can eat what she wants. I’d just prefer it if she didn’t comment on me turning the cake down and make general comments about how life without cake isn’t worth living.

I agree that a "no thank you" from you should be enough, and she is rude to insist, even if it's not a big deal to keep saying no until she moves on.
How much time is your boss happy to waste in meeting until all this cake sharing is going on?

Your posts however are very unpleasant over her being "skinny, not over-eating" etc.

I answered a question that many people had asked which was whether she ate any of the cake herself. I mentioned her size initially to stress that she’s not someone who has a problem with excessive weight (I know that that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have food issues).

[quote Lalalaroo]@ZaraW good for you - there’s a way that it can be worded that doesn’t require such a rude and arrogant response. It’s just called being a decent human being[/quote]
You chose to make it complicated or not. Or get offended. That doesn't make me arrogant by simply saying no.

She sounds like she has issues to make a comment . Thats just extremely rude. I would hazard a guess that she is eating disordered if a size 6/8 and cant understand why someone would say no. You cant be a size 6 without restricting calorie intake unless she is under 5ft? Just say no thankyou.

I haven't read the full thread but OP i am exactly the same as you, why not just tell her the truth? "I've worked really hard to lose 3 stone and dont want to fall off the wagon, I'm a proper sugar addict if I'm not careful"

@eightyfourandahalf

You can eat a slice of cake every day and be skinny.

A slice of this cake is 204 calories...

Still have a big calories allowance left to fit healthy food and decent meal sizes in your day. Not everybody needs to stuff themselves or drink endless sweet tea through the day etc.

People will be less fat if they didn't obsess so much about food, naughty food and learned to stick to regular portion, or just saying NO.🤷

You seem to have totally misunderstood my point. She obviously can eat cake and stay slim! I can’t because it triggers a binge eating disorder and I end up overeating. That’s why I know I have to be careful. Would you say that sort of stuff to people with other eating disorders? That it’s actually really easy to eat a good diet and not lapse into destructive behaviours? If it’s easy for you, congratulations. It’s not easy for me. All I want is for people to stop pushing triggering food on me. I do say no (but it’s a struggle).

Don't use sugar/diet as a reason - next thing you know she'll be making you your own cake out of Stevia which will be even more awkward to decline. Just firmly say no.

For those who regularly bake or take sweets to work, why don’t you just bring in enough for yourselves? And why is it almost exclusively high fat, high sugar food and not healthy stuff that is seen to be acceptable to share around? I just don’t get the whole needing others to eat sweets thing. Like if you fancy cake, buy a slice from the bakery. Don’t go and buy a huge Colin the Caterpillar cake as an ‘afternoon treat’ for everyone

This is a view that wants to control others, rather than having to control ourselves. People can bring in what they like. They shouldn't be pressured not to, and nor should anyone be pressured into eating anything they've said no to. Anybody with a fiver or more available to them has access within minutes to more cake than is good for them. The boundary is your mouth, not other people's offerings.

@TheFoundations

For those who regularly bake or take sweets to work, why don’t you just bring in enough for yourselves? And why is it almost exclusively high fat, high sugar food and not healthy stuff that is seen to be acceptable to share around? I just don’t get the whole needing others to eat sweets thing. Like if you fancy cake, buy a slice from the bakery. Don’t go and buy a huge Colin the Caterpillar cake as an ‘afternoon treat’ for everyone

This is a view that wants to control others, rather than having to control ourselves. People can bring in what they like. They shouldn't be pressured not to, and nor should anyone be pressured into eating anything they've said no to. Anybody with a fiver or more available to them has access within minutes to more cake than is good for them. The boundary is your mouth, not other people's offerings.

Okay point taken. It’s just very difficult for people like me in that sort of environment and I just find it interesting that there’s such an emphasis on food that isn’t good for us. But I accept that that’s not other people’s problem though.

Omg I read the title and burst out laughing..I am not the only one with this problem 😳😅

YANBU and I have posted on here under a different name as I have issues with food and I’m overweight so need to eat very low cals which people at work don’t seem to understand.

My issue was work constantly bringing in cakes, having fish and chip days etc and it was part of the social side to eat together. And it really impacted my MH. I was on the verge of handing my notice in even though I love where I work.

My tips was that I avoided it as much as I can and not go into the room, say I’ve already had some or say I’ve brought my own lunch, I’ll save it for later etc.
I think most people know now as they don’t push me as often as they used to.

But I have learnt that I am overweight BECAUSE I deny myself these things - which then leads to me binging and then feeling like crap and restricting myself and it’s a constant vicious cycle.
So I have tried to change my mind set - I eat healthy every day and the only treats I am allowed are the ones that I have at work. So I have started looking forward to them bringing in treats as I know I can’t binge in front of them and as I don’t have junk at home I can’t binge there either so it’s just avoiding the shop on the way home.
Luckily I live very rurally so it’s difficult for me to get to a shop.
It’s early days yet but I already feel so much better and have got a slightly better grip on my binge eating cycle.

I know how hard it is OP and I know how difficult it is when people don’t understand when you have food/weight issues.
If you really don’t want it just have an excuse like you don’t eat sugar during the day as it makes you too tired later on, but as you sound similar to me it might be worth allowing yourself these treats and enjoying them and having low calorie meals the rest of the day.

I bake because I fancy something (and bought cake/biscuits are shite) but I live alone. Recipes are always for upwards of 4/6 people and not all recipes scale down - so I bring the rest into work or give it to friends because otherwise it goes to waste as I can’t eat it fast enough. It’s not for some nefarious mission to make everyone fat and control their eating habits.

You can freeze some stuff - sponges, scones, uncooked cookie dough.

It sounds like she gets some self-worth and a special role by feeding people cake, and for you to refuse is denying her of that role. That's not your problem, however, she doesn't get to force feed you something you don't want just to feel good about herself.

Hate this too OP. I used to be in an office full of skinnies, and there were always boxes of chocolates on the go, or biscuits or cakes, and every coffee break there would be a big discussion - who's having some etc etc. I just remember my nephew, he was only 5/6 at the time, but he just didn't like cake or sweet things, he'd just say 'no thank you' really politely, and if you tried to offer again he'd say 'no thank you' again. It was really effective and we all got the message that he just didn't want it!!! Just keep saying no thank you, it looks delicious but I'm really full from my breakfast/lunch etc. They will (hopefully) stop offering it...

@Weallloveted

I'm the same as you

Lots of people really love it, though. I call the table where they all put things to share 'The Table of Death', because it's so unhealthy, but... well, people are allowed to do unhealthy things. Sitting in an office is one of them, in the first place.

@toocold54

YANBU and I have posted on here under a different name as I have issues with food and I’m overweight so need to eat very low cals which people at work don’t seem to understand.

My issue was work constantly bringing in cakes, having fish and chip days etc and it was part of the social side to eat together. And it really impacted my MH. I was on the verge of handing my notice in even though I love where I work.

My tips was that I avoided it as much as I can and not go into the room, say I’ve already had some or say I’ve brought my own lunch, I’ll save it for later etc.
I think most people know now as they don’t push me as often as they used to.

But I have learnt that I am overweight BECAUSE I deny myself these things - which then leads to me binging and then feeling like crap and restricting myself and it’s a constant vicious cycle.
So I have tried to change my mind set - I eat healthy every day and the only treats I am allowed are the ones that I have at work. So I have started looking forward to them bringing in treats as I know I can’t binge in front of them and as I don’t have junk at home I can’t binge there either so it’s just avoiding the shop on the way home.
Luckily I live very rurally so it’s difficult for me to get to a shop.
It’s early days yet but I already feel so much better and have got a slightly better grip on my binge eating cycle.

I know how hard it is OP and I know how difficult it is when people don’t understand when you have food/weight issues.
If you really don’t want it just have an excuse like you don’t eat sugar during the day as it makes you too tired later on, but as you sound similar to me it might be worth allowing yourself these treats and enjoying them and having low calorie meals the rest of the day.

Thank you I am glad that there are people who understand how hard it is. I am pleased that having treats has worked for you. I will think about it although I tend to find in my case that even a small amount will trigger a binge and that it’s easier to just avoid it.

@postitgirl

Hate this too OP. I used to be in an office full of skinnies, and there were always boxes of chocolates on the go, or biscuits or cakes, and every coffee break there would be a big discussion - who's having some etc etc. I just remember my nephew, he was only 5/6 at the time, but he just didn't like cake or sweet things, he'd just say 'no thank you' really politely, and if you tried to offer again he'd say 'no thank you' again. It was really effective and we all got the message that he just didn't want it!!! Just keep saying no thank you, it looks delicious but I'm really full from my breakfast/lunch etc. They will (hopefully) stop offering it...

'skinnies' or just people who had a healthy weight?

I used to work with a skinny office dieter, she was very regimented about it but in a chatty, open and funny way. She looked great for her age and made no secret that it required effort. I actually loved it, had a good effect on me, made me much more conscious of what I was putting in mouth and I lost a few excess kilos thanks to her.

that's a good point cold54. OP could you take a slice and just eat a couple of bites of it, or ask for 'just a taste'. Good point about not bingeing in front of colleagues. Though for me if I even had a taste of a cake I would be obsessing about it for the rest of the day.

I had a friend who used to say he was allergic to sugar...!!

Just say "no thanks"

I'm not struggling with my weight but I often don't want it when it's brought j to the office.

People make comments about me "being good" but I just don't want it and I just say that. I don't justify myself and neither should you.

'skinnies' or just people who had a healthy weight?

Quite, it's rather telling the language being used here.