Toddler accused of breaking friend’s washing machine

[JellyJellyTooToo]

I’ll try to keep this as brief as poss but sorry if it’s a bit long….

Was watering a friends flowers while they were away. In the one occasion I took my toddler with me she ran a bit riot and while I was busy watering the plants in the garden she managed to move a few bits around in the house etc.

She wasn’t inside on her own, an older dc was with her but had an operation a few weeks ago and I hadn’t realised she’d sat on the sofa and stopped watching what little one was doing. She really should have told me she wasn’t watching her but didn’t 😒.

Toddler managed to put a flip flop into the washing machine and sprinkle it with washing powder. She may have fiddled with the buttons but certainly didn’t switch it on. Drum was open. I removed the flip flop but just left powder in the machine for them to use when they got back (but forgot to mention it). I didn’t for one minute think she’d broken it.

Yesterday, I received an irate phone call asking what the hell we’d done to the washing machine - I explained about the flip flop. Apparently it wasn’t working at all, no power, lights etc. He slammed the phone down on me.

For background said “friend” is the partner of a dear friend of mine who sadly died. He is an alcoholic and always has been for as long as I’ve known him. I remember my late friend saying how he’d get in funny moods etc but I’ve never seen this side of him before, he’s always been pretty chilled-out around me.

As little one had fiddled with the machine, offered to pay for repair/replacement straight as it could have been her. He won’t take any money. But has obviously gone round the house and checked everything and is now accusing us of peeling a flap of paint off of the door (which was coming off anyway)

However I can’t help thinking that he’s just got into a tizzy and taken it out on me, all this stuff about missed flights and family issues came out and he was very stressed.

He won’t let us go round to look at the machine for ourselves. Apparently his dd has to quarantine

I know it was definitely working before as I used it myself when we stayed there for one night after being in hospital. He said there were no lights on, but when I used it I actually thought that it could be broken as no lights came on until I pressed start. So I can see how it would be easy to think it was broken.

He’s pulled it out, changed the fuse, checked the filter etc. He also hoovered the powder out for some reason.

I can’t help but think that he’s seen the powder in the drum, panicked, fiddled with the machine without checking the manual and settings and then possibly done something to it himself. Or maybe it was always working but he hadn’t changed the setting back or something and he just freaked out.

Our toddler fiddles with out washing machine etc all the time (as well as other things) and has never managed to cause an electrical fault in anything. I just don’t understand how she could possibly have broken it 🤷🏻‍♀️

So…
IABU she broke the machine
Or
IANBU it was some kind of alcoholic episode

Costumeidea true, toddler was at home with her dad when I did the washing over a week before, when I’d just brought a vv poorly teenage dd home from hospital so I wasn’t really thinking about what could happen in 11 days time tbh. Was thinking about whether she’d vomited up her medicine or not, when she was going to eat and how the hell to get her back into hospital if needed without going through A&E with the threat of Covid.

There is so much drip feeding going on here. Now the bit about the toddler messing around with the folder of documents, the significance of which could be huge.
I'd be fucked off with you too. You were only asked to water the plants, and he has come back to various obvious clues of people being in the house messing around with his belongings.
Not a nice feeling.

Really baffled how a toddler could have broken a washing machine!

Your friend is being OTT for piling on the guilt. It was clearly a mistake, although probably avoidable. The machine is unlikely to be properly broken.

Personally, I would cut ties with a friend if they got that upset with me about it and then wouldn't accept any payment to fix it. I certainly wouldn't be doing any more watering. Everyone makes mistakes. I'd be very wary of the friend in the future.

I'm surprised that eight pages in, I can't see one suggestion to read the manual. There will be a troubleshooting guide in there.

I'm confused about several things here. Why was the toddler there? You were there to water his plants. Your older child was there because you wanted her away from the toddler because the toddler was waiting for covid test results and the older child was recovering from an operation. So how did things end up with the toddler there, and you telling your older child to watch the toddler? Even if you'd gotten negative test results in the meantime, I still don't understand why you'd bring the toddler there rather than just take your older child back home. Also not clear is why you'd ask your physically unwell 11-year-old to watch a toddler you freely admit is too much of a handful to deal with yourself at times, all in someone else's house that isn't childproof, who as far as I can tell never gave permission for the toddler to be there at all. You seem to think it was implied that you'd bring the toddler with you when you watered the plants, but if that's true, then it was also implied that you'd actually watch her while you were doing that.

And do you think the guy doesn't know how to work his own washing machine? Ok, there are no lights on until you hit the start button, so someone who'd never seen that machine before might think it was broken when it wasn't. But if he's ever used it before, even once, he'd know that.

The alcohol may have been a factor in him spouting off more freely than he would have otherwise, because that's what alcohol does. But seriously OP, he asked you to water his plants and that somehow turned into you letting an unsupervised toddler with ADHD "run riot" in his house. If the only thing damaged was the washing machine, consider yourself lucky, because you got off easy. (Sure hope there was nothing important in that folder...) He's 100% right to be angry about this.

Op I think the thing is some people get much more upset and stressed about people touching their stuff and also about things breaking/malfunctioning. I would be very frustrated if a toddler fiddled with my washing machine for several reasons: some washing machines are a fiddle to use with certain button sequences doing things like operating child locks. Instructions are often very lengthy with not much useful written information. Also there is often a wait for repair people, they might even still not be able to fix it. These appliances are essential, used frequently and are expensive to replace. Washing powder is chemically quite nasty and I’d be peed off at a toddler getting her hands on that and dispensing it in my shoe.

Whatever you say to him re the paperwork, it’s really going to look like you looked at his stuff or at the very least make him wonder whether you did.

I think it’s reasonable for him to be pretty pissed off overall. Some people, however, would not be bothered by it. That’s their call. But it is totally understandable that he’s angry.

You were asked to water this persons plants outside, and managed to have your kid rummage through their personal papers, use their washing machine yourself after hospital, sleep in their property and have unsupervised children in their property? I mean….how can you possibly think you are in any way reasonable? Jfc.

@JellyJellyTooToo

Costumeidea true, toddler was at home with her dad when I did the washing over a week before, when I’d just brought a vv poorly teenage dd home from hospital so I wasn’t really thinking about what could happen in 11 days time tbh. Was thinking about whether she’d vomited up her medicine or not, when she was going to eat and how the hell to get her back into hospital if needed without going through A&E with the threat of Covid.

Ok. But why the dig about it not being child proof? You were the one who actively made it not child proof, washing powder wise.

Especially as he then went and accused us of picking off a flap of peeling paint that was already hanging off 🙄

Are you still denying that your possibly ADHD "not typical" toddler daughter managed to peel paint off a door when it is already known that she messed with flip flops, laundry detergent, a very expensive washer, and found somewhere you don't know where a clear envelope full of possibly important definitely private papers and then told this little person to "put it back where you found it"? Did you even follow her to see where she put it? To see where else she'd been in the house? Did you look around the rest of the house to see what other mayhem she may have caused?

The man noticed the paint peel was gone. Do you understand perhaps he had good reason to know that the paint was peeling before he left, and now when he came back the paint was peeled off, and the only people in the house were YOU and your family so therefore even in his alleged alcoholic stupor he has made the entirely reasonable conclusion that YOUR daughter, given that she messed about in the laundry room and found important papers somewhere in the house is a prime suspect for having peeled the paint?

And having found peeled paint, a messed up washer, and a purloined envelope upon his return, he was ANGRY with you. This is also understandable because it is all evidence that someone has had free reign in his house without his permission, and without due care.

I'm glad you are agreeing to not bring your toddler to anyone else's house without proper supervision. It's the least everybody should expect.

Or have I completely missed what you were minimizing about the paint peel. Are you admitting she pulled it off, but it's OK because it was peeling off anyway? And he's the unreasonable one for being bothered by that? Even though it's his paint, his door, his house?

Is that your stance?

You seem to think that he is unreasonable for being bothered by anything you and your daughter have done in the house to his private possessions and his property.

You feel accused because you are rightly accused. Now you add that your daughter is a little whirlwind and has form for similar behavior, and this makes it even worse for you, because you knew this yet didn't take that into consideration when you let her be "supervised" by someone not capable of supervising, and in effect left her to run freely in someone else's naturally non-childproofed house.

I'd actually like to know what instructions you gave to the supervisory just-out-of-surgery daughter. Was she instructed to watch her little sister? Was she instructed not to let her touch anything? Was she told how long you'd be outside watering plants and how long she might have to entertain her little sister? Was this daughter actually capable of walking around? You didn't say what type of surgery so I'm picturing maybe appendectomy with a very sore abdomen, needing to lay down on the sofa unable to run after a toddler. Or perhaps a broken ankle or some other orthopedic situation, also unable to spring into action to keep a whirlwind toddler out of harm's way. Or I suppose it could be a daughter prone to sitting on her phone and ignoring the mischievous sister in which case toddler's mother should have had the little girl outside to help water plants and give big sister a post-surgical break from babysitting.

Mumsnet madness...you did a friend a favour in watering his plants while away, brought the kids with you (presumably as you had to, not just for a jolly) and toddler being a toddler played with something they shouldn't have. (Even with close supervision my own 2.5 year old can get up to ridiculous, unforseeable mischief if I take my eye off her for a second...) There's no reason to automatically think toddler broke the machine and your "friend's" reaction is way over the top, alcohol induced or not, especially as you've apologised and offered to pay for repair. I'd be distancing myself from this person and not feeling guilty about it.

Good grief there are some mean, snipey posts in here. And no this thread doesn't in anyway remind me of the supersoaker thread.

First of all I think your toddler sounds v cute putting the flip-flop and powder in the machine, bless her wee heart.

Secondly I can understand a poorly teen (and even a well one) not keeping a close eye on the toddler. And I'm sure you know about the hazards of toddlers and chemicals, for the love of god who has not had a close call with their children 🙄🙄🙄

It was nice of you to water the friend's garden and it's a shame that the arrangement ended badly for everyone.

I can understand the friend being upset but it was mighty unreasonable of him to be so rude. It appears he isn't after a solution so much as needing to lash out

I'm not sure there is anything more you can do other than reiterate your offer to pay for any repair. I would be quite happy with that.

Wrt the sleepover, not that I think you need to justify it given that you had agreed this with the friend, I also understand the post-operative laundry! They do tend to vomit. And it was a good solution when you needed to maintain distance.

There's something about mumsnet that unleashes the very loudest of judgmental arseholes and this thread is a classic example.

Hey, shit happens, that's life. We fix it and move on.

Hope you can reach a solution that everyone's happy with and that the friendship survives.

And if it helps you feel any better, I once had a head on collision in a friend's car and another time flooded a house I was "looking after" - and I'm still great friends with all involved. No need for anyone to be so hostile.

What a horrible person. I'd give him a piece of my mind. Either he's trying to mess you about and it was faulty in the first place or he's done something himself seeing the powder in there. I'd keep myself away from him should he blame you for anything.

We once went to my husbands friends house. The wife had brought her friend along who had a son about one years old. My child and the son were playing and I didn't see any harm. But a couple of days later received a phone call saying how her friends son had broken the TV when he was playing with candles. I found it really rude that she blamed a child (keep your Flipping candles in a safe place with kids around), and the fact that she mentioned it to me about someone else's child was also rude. She told her friend about it and friend denied it but offered to pay for it. But the wife refused. Since then I've never been to her house or would go to her house because she'd accuse my child too and I don't want that. Think her friend was rude too perhaps insinuating it was my child.

I'd let it go if someone's child did what your toddler did. But I'd be annoyed if there were say like eggs and flour in the drum.

Yes, I know the last two comments are meant for me. I'm upset because OP continues to minimize everything with each new comment. The paint peel minimization is "sticking in my craw" for want of a better phrase.

I would be very embarrassed and ashamed if my actions had allowed my toddler to "run riot" through a friend's house and caused malfunctions and mess and I would not think to seek reassurance for thinking the "trash-ee" was being unreasonable when the situation was my fault.

But I see OP is getting 50% of people who think she is not being unreasonable.

I guess I'm just unable to put myself in her shoes this evening, and identify more with the gentleman who owns the house, even though his justified reaction was somewhat over the top. I would not have made OP pay for any repairs, either. I would chalk it up to a kid accident.

Just can't stand when people don't take responsibility for their actions or try to blame everybody else.

Now you've mentioned the documents, I think he might think you've been prying and have used the toddler as cover. Plus, if flights have been missed recently, he's going to be very stressed about stuff being where it belongs. It might be that's why he was still so angry, even after you had offered to pay for the machine.

Not sure how you can go about sorting that, if so, because if I were him and that was the thing that annoyed me I can't think of an approach that would pacify me or convince me you weren't snooping.

“Just can't stand when people don't take responsibility for their actions or try to blame everybody else.”

@Ihavehadenoughalready You hit the nail on the head right here.

I have all the empathy in the world for parents of little ones. I just cannot understand the people defending OPs flippant attitude toward her friend’s home and belongings. He trusted OP and she let him down.

YABVU OP
You also sound a bit immature.

He was doing you a favour, letting you stay after your child's surgery, wasn't he? So that's a rather bigger favour than your watering his plants.
It sounds like he was stressed and came home to find his home "violated"/not as expected (depending on your POV) and was understandably upset by this.
As you have apologised and offered to pay for the washing machine, you have done your best to make amends so I would just leave it for a while and hope things settle.

Your updates make you sound worse tbh

And I'm sure you know about the hazards of toddlers and chemicals, for the love of god who has not had a close call with their children 🙄🙄🙄

I suspect most people haven't as keeping chemicals out of reach or keeping an eye on your young child is pretty standard parenting?

I really don't see how a toddler could break a washing machine. They are fairly robust.

Sprinkling a bit of powder and putting a flip flop in won't do it any harm. That's nonsense. And there aren't any exposed electrical elements obviously. And a toddler isn't strong. The worst he could have done is set the child lock but normally just highlights a red key.
No, I'd just leave it. You've offered to pay for a repair man and he's refused. He needed someone to vent at and you pulled the short straw.

I think it's quite obvious that the alcoholic grieving man has got drunk, been unable to work his washing machine and vented his anger at the OP for letting her child mess things up in his house. I highly doubt the child broke the machine but she clearly messed with his things for which he has a right to be annoyed, but ultimately the OP was doing him a favour so the normal response from him should be deciding not to ask her for a favour again, not phoning her and ranting.

I know of a washing machine broken by a child
I sold an almost new, working perfectly front loading washing machine. After a couple of uses the buyer let me know the washing machine wasn't working.
I sent a technician round and said I'd pay for the repair . The repair man told me that the knob that turned on the machine which should only be turned clockwise had been turned anticlockwise.
The buyer admitted that her child had fiddled with it.
This was many years ago so perhaps it wouldn't happen with new machines