Toddler accused of breaking friend’s washing machine

[JellyJellyTooToo]

I’ll try to keep this as brief as poss but sorry if it’s a bit long….

Was watering a friends flowers while they were away. In the one occasion I took my toddler with me she ran a bit riot and while I was busy watering the plants in the garden she managed to move a few bits around in the house etc.

She wasn’t inside on her own, an older dc was with her but had an operation a few weeks ago and I hadn’t realised she’d sat on the sofa and stopped watching what little one was doing. She really should have told me she wasn’t watching her but didn’t 😒.

Toddler managed to put a flip flop into the washing machine and sprinkle it with washing powder. She may have fiddled with the buttons but certainly didn’t switch it on. Drum was open. I removed the flip flop but just left powder in the machine for them to use when they got back (but forgot to mention it). I didn’t for one minute think she’d broken it.

Yesterday, I received an irate phone call asking what the hell we’d done to the washing machine - I explained about the flip flop. Apparently it wasn’t working at all, no power, lights etc. He slammed the phone down on me.

For background said “friend” is the partner of a dear friend of mine who sadly died. He is an alcoholic and always has been for as long as I’ve known him. I remember my late friend saying how he’d get in funny moods etc but I’ve never seen this side of him before, he’s always been pretty chilled-out around me.

As little one had fiddled with the machine, offered to pay for repair/replacement straight as it could have been her. He won’t take any money. But has obviously gone round the house and checked everything and is now accusing us of peeling a flap of paint off of the door (which was coming off anyway)

However I can’t help thinking that he’s just got into a tizzy and taken it out on me, all this stuff about missed flights and family issues came out and he was very stressed.

He won’t let us go round to look at the machine for ourselves. Apparently his dd has to quarantine

I know it was definitely working before as I used it myself when we stayed there for one night after being in hospital. He said there were no lights on, but when I used it I actually thought that it could be broken as no lights came on until I pressed start. So I can see how it would be easy to think it was broken.

He’s pulled it out, changed the fuse, checked the filter etc. He also hoovered the powder out for some reason.

I can’t help but think that he’s seen the powder in the drum, panicked, fiddled with the machine without checking the manual and settings and then possibly done something to it himself. Or maybe it was always working but he hadn’t changed the setting back or something and he just freaked out.

Our toddler fiddles with out washing machine etc all the time (as well as other things) and has never managed to cause an electrical fault in anything. I just don’t understand how she could possibly have broken it 🤷🏻‍♀️

So…
IABU she broke the machine
Or
IANBU it was some kind of alcoholic episode

[grapewine]

@NowEvenBetter

You were asked to water this persons plants outside, and managed to have your kid rummage through their personal papers, use their washing machine yourself after hospital, sleep in their property and have unsupervised children in their property? I mean….how can you possibly think you are in any way reasonable? Jfc.

Nailed it.

[50ShadesOfCatholic]

@Floralcoral

And I'm sure you know about the hazards of toddlers and chemicals, for the love of god who has not had a close call with their children 🙄🙄🙄

I suspect most people haven't as keeping chemicals out of reach or keeping an eye on your young child is pretty standard parenting?

You suspect wrongly, get yourself a few friends and have a chat, you'll be amazed by how many close calls the average parent has had

Honestly this place really is a parallel universe...

[StrangeToSee]

Maybe he was just freaking out about us having been in his house. The toddler also found a plastic folder with paperwork in, I have no idea what kind of paperwork (it was kind of see through so I could see something was in there but didn’t know what) but also didn’t know where it had come from. I told her to put it where she found it, but she may have got the wrong place….I did tell him about this and where she’d put it as I felt awkward as if we’d been through their stuff - it could have been letters from his late partner for all I know

I think this is the type of thing that upset him tbh, and he’s projected it all onto the washing machine. If she’d got hold of a file of his private documents how do you know where else in his house she’d rummaged, what else she may have moved or broken?

What if the file was something like his banking details and now he can’t find them? You can’t trust a 2 year old to put things back where they found it, they’re just as likely to chuck it out a window. If she’d been in his paperwork she could have muddled or lost all sorts of important stuff! I’d be livid if someone let their toddler do that.

I suspect he didn’t want you staying over but couldn’t politely so no as he’d asked you to water the garden.

At the very least I think he expected the house to look like it did when he left it (eg nothing moved, broken, the beds you’d slept in stripped and bedding washed, clean bedding on etc. Not a flip flop and powder in the washing machine and his documents moved!

[50ShadesOfCatholic]

Yes, I know the last two comments are meant for me. I'm upset because OP continues to minimize everything with each new comment.

Mine wasn't. Seems to me you're the one being unreasonable, firstly assuming everything is about you and secondly you are waaay too invested in this. You're upset? For the love of god get yourself a life. And ask yourself what it is you get out of haranguing someone on the internet who's trying to fix a tricky situation.

[HarrysChild]

My (now 21yr old) DD broke a brand new Hotpoint Aquarius when she was 2, she grabbed the top of the open door as if to swing on it and it broke, machine was a write off. And that was her fully in my view in our kitchen, happened in a blink of an eye. Tbh I would be pretty pissed off to find the things you describe - peeled paint picked off, private paperwork displaced, washing machine broken. If your teenager was well enough to supervise toddler then they both should have stayed home while you watered plants, and if she wasn’t well enough then she shouldn’t have been left in sole charge in someone else’s house. I have an autistic child btw, i do sympathise with how hard it is - but you were massively in the wrong here. I’m also with others wondering why you would need to use the machine for a one night stay close to home - and wonder if you were there more than you are letting on.

[LunchBoxPolice]

Crikey how many plants does he have that it took long enough for your toddler to move around documents, locate the washing powder and then put it in the washing machine? You’re very lucky they didn’t eat any, the friend may be feeling responsible and annoyed that you let this happen in their home.

Also, adhd and asd are not the same thing.

[Topseyt]

This is so far from reasonable that I hardly know where to begin.

You swept into his house like a disaster looking for a place to happen.

[TeachesOfPeaches]

As he is only the partner of your actual friend who has died I would just block him and cut contact.

[Floralcoral]

You suspect wrongly, get yourself a few friends and have a chat, you'll be amazed by how many close calls the average parent has had

Maybe my friends just have more common sense than to leave some where it can be picked up, seen as though we are on about chemicals? Probably many words that could replace 'average' parent there.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

Yabu. Not the job of the recovering older dc to watch your child.

[Lostinthemail]

The lesson to be learned from this all, dear users, is to NEVER give the keys of your house to someone who only needs to water your garden plants. I would be so pissed with someone letting their toddler run riot in my home, let alone when I think the toddler is used as a cover up for your own snooping around.

To be fair, that’s why no one has the keys to my house, I value my privacy way too much. But I’d never expect watering outside plants would result in havoc in my home.

[TheFairyCaravan]

I can’t get over this thread.

Why on earth would you allow an unsupervised toddler to run riot in any house, let alone a house that’s not yours? You’re lucky that all she’s broken is the washing machine, tbh. She could have got hold of a detergent capsule, or a dishwasher capsule, a battery or some other chemical and ended up in hospital seriously ill.

This is absolutely your fault. I’d be really upset if I’d come home from holiday to this situation. Your toddler should not have been able to peel off paint from doors or move personal paperwork. Your attitude about this is horrendous.

[Newcastleteacake]

Have I missed the flounce? Oh, I hope not. I do love a good AIBU flounce!

[QueenAstrid]

I’m wondering why the outside plants needed watering when the OP said there had been heavy rain?

[MrsPelligrinoPetrichor]

Pots need watering even when it rains heavily.

[SleepingStandingUp]

For those who are confused, I stayed for one night with older dd. Then took toddler on a different day to water plants.
So he let you sleep over one night straight from hospital whilst you checked toddler hadn't got covid and that necessitated you using the washing machine. He agreed yo you and elder DD staying there.
Then on a totally seperate day when you should have just been watering the plants you took the kids over, let them into the house unsupervised and thats when toddler messed with the washer and did you don't know what else?

[NeonDreams]

Our toddler fiddles with out washing machine etc all the time

This is the part that stands out to me. You say it casually and off-hand, like it's no big deal. Which leads me to think she is not disciplined or under control A child should not even be able to reach the washing machine or open it, and if they do you make sure they know NEVER to do it again. You sound so casual about it, like you don't care, like it's no big deal. It sounds like she has no guidance or discipline at all. The guy has every reason to be upset. Don't take her over there if you can't control her at all.

[billy1966]

I think a lot of people would be upset to return from their holiday to find this.

He probably does think you have been rummaging through his paperwork.

[ravenmum]

However a few posters have picked up on the alcohol factor and I feel that really is the issue here….
We know you feel that's the issue as you told us so in your opening post. People are picking up on the alcohol factor because you asked if "it was some kind of alcoholic episode".

The responses here don't all agree that it's fine if your late wife's friend gets a key to water your plants and then you find things have been moved, paperwork has been gone through, paint peeled off the wall and the washing machine apparently used and broken. I'd be annoyed too, and I'm not an alcoholic or currently swigging gin.

In his position I'd be beating myself up for letting someone walk all over me. I wouldn't say anything, but I would probably not get in touch again. ( I know, you'd be fine with that.)

[Trampolean]

I'd be annoyed with a toddler rummaging through my stuff when I didn't expect them to even be in my house. Agree with others that you're lucky toddler didn't eat the washing powder, goodness me I'd feel terrible about that rather than trying to blame someone else.

[LaBellina]

@pinkflask

Exactly how can a toddler break a washing machine? You might reset stuff or put it on a funny programme but I’ve never seen a machine that just breaks by someone touching it.

Exactly this ^^

I’m all for taking responsibility for damages that DC cause but from what you describe, the scenario that the toddler broke the machine by what you described seems a very far stretch.

[StarlingsDarlings]

The alcoholism isn’t relevant. Definitely think you should cover the cost of an engineer coming out.

[FatJan]

Did you have a peek at his paperwork while it was 'out'?

[JellyJellyTooToo]

I really am no clearer on this now 🤷🏻‍♀️ but am amazed at how many people have invested in this thread and seem to have read the whole lot - thank you.
There’s been a lot of reading between the lines here…Of course I didn’t look at his paperwork, if I had I’d have put it back where I’d found it!

Toddler basically goes everywhere I go so by asking me to water plants, it’s inevitable toddler will go with me too. He knows that.

She didn’t touch the door as it was open into the garden where I was.

Someone mentioned hotpoint, I think it possibly was a hotpoint.

FWIW his DD significantly damaged something in my house when she was small and I said nothing because she was a child and it was an obviously an unintentional mistake.

[pinkcircustop]

Toddler basically goes everywhere I go so by asking me to water plants, it’s inevitable toddler will go with me too. He knows that.

Yes, but he will have (wrongly) assumed you would supervise her in his house, not let her run riot and mess with his stuff.