AIBU to become a SAHM

[Mum5687]

Posting here for traffic really.
I have a professional job that has required years of hard work, degrees, additional qualifications and I've always been very career motivated and driven. However, since becoming pregnant with baby number 1 (due this year) I've been having a career rethink. DH has a VERY well paid job (think upper tax bracket) and we do not need my salary (despite it being very substantial in itself...think just inside middle tax bracket). When I say we don't need my salary we won't be making any sacrifices in the way we live either due to DHs recent salary increase.

Therefore i'm considering taking a few years out and raising children (we would like more than 1) and using that time to retrain/volunteer and figure out what to do as I think after the novelty wears off I'll need/want something to do. DH is fully supportive of the decision.

Aside from the usual comments ie make sure you pay into a private pension (which I will) or don't do it in case of divorce...has anyone become a SAHM for a few years and used the time to retrain and figure out what to do? I've always been so sure of myself that this is a bit alien to me! I suppose my AIBU:

Yes YABU to become a SAHM
No YANBU to become a SAHM

@Flossing, you're reading my posts selectively. I said less desirable in highly competitive careers, as in careers with a lot of competition.
I have no doubt in that some careers it's a buyer's market for employees and getting back into it after a few years will be relatively easy compared to careers where you have to fight for your spot.

I don't doubt your experiences with your own career, nor am I calling you a liar. But you must admit that it's not a universal experience.

[quote CaptSkippy]@Flossing, you're reading my posts selectively. I said less desirable in highly competitive careers, as in careers with a lot of competition.
I have no doubt in that some careers it's a buyer's market for employees and getting back into it after a few years will be relatively easy compared to careers where you have to fight for your spot.

I don't doubt your experiences with your own career, nor am I calling you a liar. But you must admit that it's not a universal experience.[/quote]
I don't feel I am being selective. I said my experience (as an in demand job) isn't universal. That being said, it's not like even for in demand jobs there are only two candidates to pick from.

Anyway, I've made my point and I feel we actually agree on most things anyway. We are just emphasising different points.

@Mum5687

Posting here for traffic really. I have a professional job that has required years of hard work, degrees, additional qualifications and I've always been very career motivated and driven. However, since becoming pregnant with baby number 1 (due this year) I've been having a career rethink. DH has a VERY well paid job (think upper tax bracket) and we do not need my salary (despite it being very substantial in itself...think just inside middle tax bracket). When I say we don't need my salary we won't be making any sacrifices in the way we live either due to DHs recent salary increase.

Therefore i'm considering taking a few years out and raising children (we would like more than 1) and using that time to retrain/volunteer and figure out what to do as I think after the novelty wears off I'll need/want something to do. DH is fully supportive of the decision.

Aside from the usual comments ie make sure you pay into a private pension (which I will) or don't do it in case of divorce...has anyone become a SAHM for a few years and used the time to retrain and figure out what to do? I've always been so sure of myself that this is a bit alien to me! I suppose my AIBU:

Yes YABU to become a SAHM
No YANBU to become a SAHM

YANBU. Do what makes you happy OP!

I took some time out despite much doom mongering about how I might be left with nothing when DH started messing about (he didn't and we are happily married), or how my career would go down the tubes forever (as soon as I wanted to work much longer hours I started a company and built it up very quickly, it pays well and I love it).

Go for it!

I waited until my children were all over 3 and in some amount of childcare to be a sahp so that I knew I would have some time to myself most days .
For me that was really important! When I did my last maternity leave I felt quite trapped so I knew better what I needed to be able to make being a sahp work for me.
I have taken the time to complete a degree and plan to retrain ready to go back to work in a few years in a profession more suitable for the version of family life I want to have.
For us it's worked great. I am able to pick up the kids from school, take them to all their activities, enjoy them in the holidays etc and dh is able to focus on work in the week and be present when he's home. I don't feel compromised as when the kids are at school I'm studying.
Dh pays into a savings pot for me each month and that is healthy and makes me feel secure and he also pays my pension.
For us it works :)

I did but I was only a Carer I was a sahm for seven years and went back to work last week yay go me
The kids are starting school time for me now I didn't retrain or anything like that though
But yanbu it's tough though and incredibly mind numbing at times but I was there when they needed me most and I'm happy with that

You should do exactly what you wish to do, my advice is to wait until you've had the baby/are at least 6 months into your maternity leave to make that decision.

You might love staying at home. You might be desperate to go back to work. You might feel part time is best for you.... but you truly don't know yet.

I've had friends that planned to be SAHMs who couldn't wait to run back into the office. And vice versa. Really advise that you wait and see.

Good luck with your baby.

Sounds absolutely lovely to me! I’m very jealous that you could be a SAHM and not worry about money. I’m hoping to be in the same position in a few years if DHs business continues to grow.
But I don’t think you’ll know how you really feel until after you’ve had the baby and had some experience being a SAHM.

I am and I love it!! I lead a very busy and fulfilled life

YANBU - I was one for 12 years. When we had DD1 my wages would have gone on childcare in all but a 5-week month so I became a SAHM. Radio 4 & my NCT group (who I'm still in contact 15 years later), plus DH taking first DD1 and then both children away on Saturday mornings so I could sleep & relaaaxxx completely made it workable. I found the bit before they could talk & play the hardest but once they were toddlers & were able to play / take an interest in stuff, then the joy outweighed the exhaustion on most days. We went lots of places & did lots of things without trying to fit it round a job. We had a timetable that suited us rather than work - so they've never gone to bed before 8pm and have always shared their evening meal with us.

Once they were bigger I made new friends via their pre-school and did a lot of volunteering (which I think helped my cv when I did go back to the job market) - I was successively secretary then chair of the pre-school, then secretary & chair of the DC's primary school before going on to be a governor. I'm still part of the local fireworks event committee.

Some of those interviewing me when I went back to work refused to see the child-rearing and the volunteering as as useful as a paid job but I got there. My children are at secondary school now & don't need me during the day so it was the right time but I don't regret my time as a SAHM - so if you get to near the end of your maternity leave and you're happy being with your child, then go for it.