To think that 'middle class' parents get away with murder

[catfunk]

I grew up in a beautiful but modest part of the north with a fair amount of poverty and unemployment. Lots of families were under social services' care (?) police called out a lot, etc.

I now live in a fairly expensive city in the south, a fairly left wing liberal place where people party, lots of mums are 'trendy' types and generational wealth is quite common.

It struck me the other day that if the parents in my home town behaved like the parents in my current home there'd be real repercussions.
Noisy house parties whilst kids are in bed upstairs, parents getting drunk and staying out all night, recreational drug taking and being too hungover to do the school run. But it's ok because they're drinking champagne and expensive gin instead of tenants, and expensive cannabis tinctures instead of smoking resin?

None of the kids seem unhappy or affected and they do have lovely family times together of course but AIBU To think this is not fair ?

Yes like in any profession good and bad and a good social worker should treat everyone with empathy and respectfully

Sorry who is that replying to? Not sure.

Yes, totally agree with you OP, I live where you do and the drug taking is rife.
But the MC parents have a bigger safety net perhaps? The £ spent on drugs is less as percentage, there is still food on the table and a nice clean house for the kids.

Yep.

Money, space, cleaner, gardener etc can disguise the fact things have gone horribly wrong very effectively.

For me it's not so much drugs and booze.

In moderation and when the kids are in bed etc. I know people get v worked up but it's not the end of the world.

Addiction, violence, child abuse, CSA. Things like internet grooming, risk taking, etc. The things that can happen when the grown ups are unavailable/ distant/ not really functioning.

All the stuff.

It's way easier to hide.

Where do the parents buy their drugs from? Genuine question.

Drug dealers! Not being flippant promise.

Often one will know someone and buy for a group of friends. Or pass on the details.

Around here the dealers AFAIK are discreet, flexible and fast. Delivering to homes of well heeled, meeting while walking the dog etc.

Like any business, the vendor wants to meet the customers needs.

I mean if you think about I dunno. Upper class types. Notorious for enjoying all sorts of excess recreationally. I'm thinking of the younger ones. I dunno. Kate Moss prince harry when they used to indulge.

There will be dealers who service that market.

I'm slightly flabbergasted at the complete generalisation of class and the snobbery on this thread! Saying how single mums/ working class families drink cans of special brew and cans of lager while it's the middle classes who drink gin/processco etc!! Who do you think it is whose buying the big bottles of pink gin these days.. and drinking bottles of processco with their friends, you only have to take a look on Facebook and see peoples posts about their weekend to know that the middle classes are doing exactly the same.as the working class just with more money to spend! But reading through some of these posts its like people are stuck in the 1980s

Agree.

Totally.

And with no common definition of classes we're all at cross purposes anyway.

@NiceGerbil

MissM2912

Really?
No attempt to get either of the parents into help for alcohol?
No concern they were violent and injuring each other?
No concern at the dad being physical with the kids. And exhibiting utter and total rage over nothing?
No interest in my friend at least exhibiting worrying behaviours presumably due to it all?
No worries about her sometimes sleeping rough? A 14 yo girl?

Nothing?

Ok well then I suppose all those who knew things were bad made the right call? That's comforting.

Do you think she would've fared better in foster care? Genuine question.

Because, at the end of the day , if her parents weren't willing to change their circumstances that's what would've happened.

I teach in a private school, where a few minor celebrities send their kids, as well as millionaires, renowned plastic surgeons etc. Theres definitely fewer safeguarding issues simply because wealth puts food on the table, but I've had to push a few times with colleagues to un-dazzle them from the awe they have of some parents and their achievements, when that parent is involved in a safeguarding issue.

But social services are the worst. There's so much they won't follow up on because "well they live in a nice clean house, food on the table, they have clothes". Not sure that matters to a child whose parents forgot to pick him up from school the fifth time in the half term because millionaire mummy and daddy went on a champagne and cocaine binge. I did say to that social worker if they went to the local comp and it was weed and lager this child would be whipped away from them. Had a terrible falling out with her about it

Oh and one family have made their enormous wealth through being too-of-the-pyramid drug dealers, it's the worst kept secret ever but no one seems to give a shit.

NiceGerbil the things you refer to like Nice school are protective factors.
It isn’t that social workers think the child is ok- they know things are crap. But they have to balance a bit crap VS the impact of removal and placed in to care. Have a look at the outcomes for care experienced young people. And for older kids in particular you are more likely to be looking at a home as opposed to foster care. In the family home the child may be exposed to, for example, alcohol abuse, but in a children’s home, it is often a lot worse- drug use, self harm, non school attendance, CSE, and introduction to other even more damaged children.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

Oh and one family have made their enormous wealth through being too-of-the-pyramid drug dealers, it's the worst kept secret ever but no one seems to give a shit.

Do you find the families threaten to remove the kids if you refer them to social services?

You work in the field and you say there is no middle ground, assistance, support etc that social services can or do offer.

It's

Keeping an eye
Or
Taking the children into care

You're the expert so obviously that's true. I honestly thought SS etc could offer things like support for alcohol and etc etc.

I had no idea it was essentially. No action or nuclear option.

I'm really surprised. I think that's really bad.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop The child in the local comp wouldn’t be whipped away!
Honestly.

Nice gerbil social services don’t provide support themselves as such- they signpost and then it is up to the parent themselves to avail of it.
Accessing support might be written in to a support/ child’s plan but social work can’t make the parent do it.

'the things you refer to like Nice school are protective factors.'

I said private school. Why do you assume it was 'nice'? A 'protective factor''??

That is exactly the sort of bias OP is talking about.

I must be extremely straight laced or living in a bubble in London. Don't know any misbehaving working OR middle class parents

@MissM2912

Nice gerbil social services don’t provide support themselves as such- they signpost and then it is up to the parent themselves to avail of it. Accessing support might be written in to a support/ child’s plan but social work can’t make the parent do it.

You said. With my friend.

That IF it had come to attention of SS.

They would probably have kept an eye on things.

Would I have rather they gone into care.

I was surprised that your posts as someone working in the area. Essentially said it's do essentially nothing, or care.

Now you're saying something else. Oh yes they can signpost to support. That's a pretty big difference to what you said before.

NiceGerbil It’s not biased. The fact they are actually going to school is a protective factor (assuming the school is meeting their duty of care- I would have said the same if it was a local comp as long as they were attending).

@Firstwelive

I must be extremely straight laced or living in a bubble in London. Don't know any misbehaving working OR middle class parents

IME esp when older with kids.

Those who do these things are pretty cagey for obvious reasons.

Like tends to find like though.

It's small pockets of those who do, and keep it in that group.

And most people don't. Thinking about drugs now.

With booze the ones who drink more than acceptable or are are out of control will do it in the comfort of home. And be really careful otherwise.

@MissM2912

NiceGerbil It’s not biased. The fact they are actually going to school is a protective factor (assuming the school is meeting their duty of care- I would have said the same if it was a local comp as long as they were attending).

You said 'nice school'. Presumably as I had said it was private.

You're changing what you said but it's on the thread.

@NiceGerbil

You work in the field and you say there is no middle ground, assistance, support etc that social services can or do offer.

It's

Keeping an eye
Or
Taking the children into care

You're the expert so obviously that's true. I honestly thought SS etc could offer things like support for alcohol and etc etc.

I had no idea it was essentially. No action or nuclear option.

I'm really surprised. I think that's really bad.

They do kind of have different levels of help. There is early help which is very basic. Then there is child in need. Then I think its the heigher one which is child protection I think?

But the child protection they basically control yours and your child's life.