To think that 'middle class' parents get away with murder

[catfunk]

I grew up in a beautiful but modest part of the north with a fair amount of poverty and unemployment. Lots of families were under social services' care (?) police called out a lot, etc.

I now live in a fairly expensive city in the south, a fairly left wing liberal place where people party, lots of mums are 'trendy' types and generational wealth is quite common.

It struck me the other day that if the parents in my home town behaved like the parents in my current home there'd be real repercussions.
Noisy house parties whilst kids are in bed upstairs, parents getting drunk and staying out all night, recreational drug taking and being too hungover to do the school run. But it's ok because they're drinking champagne and expensive gin instead of tenants, and expensive cannabis tinctures instead of smoking resin?

None of the kids seem unhappy or affected and they do have lovely family times together of course but AIBU To think this is not fair ?

*The two sad stories are nothing like each other.

I would imagine the first mum had a history of alcohol abuse and leaving her kids alone*

The Mac Canns shared a bottle of wime every night before going out to a "well lubricated" dinner, but that isn't alcohol abuse.They left their 3 pre-school children alone every night but there wasn't a history of it ?

Wine not Wime obvs

[quote PerciphonePuma]@LonelyBut What is FII? [/quote]
Fabricated or induced illness it’s the new term for munchausens by proxy

To all involved and ss a mother living in a council house asking for an assessment for her child only meant one thing apparently- that it was made up 😞
I had multiple requests refused whilst parent friends from a support group (MC) had their referrals accepted and placed on waiting list

Plus they questioned if it was ‘parenting issues’

What exactly do people mean by ‘got away with child abuse’?? That the child isn’t removed and placed in care?

This thread makes me so angry. I'm as MC as they come, but never get invited to all night cocaine fuelled house parties. What am I doing wrong!?

Yes due to things I've seen at work recently it's really struck me how much money makes the difference between not great parenting and totally inadequate parenting.

• parents on drugs - the richer parents can afford a nanny the poorer kids just have to deal with being in the care on someone high or stoned.
• don't have the capacity or ability to read to your child or help with their homework. A richer parent can afford a tutor; poorer kids just have to hope they teacher picks up on it.

Don't have the capacity to get your child in to school on time - a richer parent can afford to put them in a taxi a poorer kid just end up being late or missing school for the day.

Also not work related but read a biography of a parent in the entertainment industry (lily Allen, Pearl Lowe) and then think if that was Sandra from a council estate and not a celebrity how would social services view some of the things they write about.

I remember when MM went missing my mind getting really cross because a lot of her friends (professionals) said “oh god, I mean we’ve all done it haven’t we?!” And my mum was like no! No we haven’t!

*My mum

@gettingfedupagain

See also the mcanns. If they had been drinking lager at a bar on a caravan site when their daughter went missing, instead of sipping wine at a bistro in an expensive resort the press, social services etc would have hung them out to dry

100% this

@traumatisednoodle

*The two sad stories are nothing like each other.

I would imagine the first mum had a history of alcohol abuse and leaving her kids alone*

The Mac Canns shared a bottle of wime every night before going out to a "well lubricated" dinner, but that isn't alcohol abuse.They left their 3 pre-school children alone every night but there wasn't a history of it ?

She was taken on the last night of the holiday. They had apparently done the same thing for every previous night and there was enormous wine consumption on the night she was taken.

They never got a solid narrative as the story kept changing.

@bettyboodecia

This thread makes me so angry. I'm as MC as they come, but never get invited to all night cocaine fuelled house parties. What am I doing wrong!?

You clearly aren't moving in the right circles, dear...

Yes @FreeBritnee* @chopc trendy hipster area where people have money*

Brighton?

@HamsterHelp

I remember when MM went missing my mind getting really cross because a lot of her friends (professionals) said “oh god, I mean we’ve all done it haven’t we?!” And my mum was like no! No we haven’t!

I think that was what irritated so many people with young children, the assumption that everyone did it.

They most certainly did not.

The parents were an absolute disgrace.
They have paid a high price for their actions.
But doing that every single night of their holiday was appalling neglect.
The fact that their entire group of friends did the same, speaks to their characters.

It certainly doesn't speak for the vast majority of parents who take their young children on holidays.

It just speaks to the type of people THEY are.
Utterly neglectful of their children that had spent their days in childcare.

I think it's undeniable that class impacts on how people interact with any system, including social services, and that one of the many privileges that come with being middle or upper class is being given 'the benefit of the doubt' in a lot of situations when other people aren't.

That said, I do think that people are seriously underestimating the threshold for social services to remove children in this thread, and the idea that every working class person who has a drink or a scruffy drink will be subjected to a campaign of working class harassment is just silly. Read a story like this - www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/ten-week-old-baby-girl-13164153 - noting that they faced no criminal charges and retained custody of their other children, and it doesn't really seem fair to say that the McCanns would have had their children taken away if they were working class.

Yanbu

I was 17/18 when Madeleine McCann went missing. I have always thought if they were working class, the press would have absolutely crucified them (rather than sympathetically mildly criticising them). I have never understood it. As highly educated people, surely the bar should be even higher for them? But it is not.

People born into proper MC life are born with an innate confidence which sets them apart far more than their clothes/house/car. I don’t mean personal image confidence which anyone can struggle with, but a confidence that their way if life, of speaking etc is correct and everybody else agrees. Mostly because that is entirely the case.

I'm not sure that the mcanns would agree that they have merely been mildly criticised

"I was 17/18 when Madeleine McCann went missing. I have always thought if they were working class, the press would have absolutely crucified them (rather than sympathetically mildly criticising them). I have never understood it. As highly educated people, surely the bar should be even higher for them? But it is not."

Come on. There's a hell of a lot of hatred for them. I bought Owen Jones's book where he compared the treatment they got with the treatment of Shannon Matthews's parents, but look how that turned out.

I guess I'm middle class now, but grew up on a northern council estate.
We live in a lovely village, close to a large social housing estate. Been here 25years and never known any trouble.
My 2 DSs (19 and 18) took the dog out at 10.30pm a few weeks ago. (After I'd been nagging them for hours) they were dressed in trackies. As they walked through the housing estate they got stopped and questioned by a police patrol. Police officer made them empty their pockets, asked for proof of dog ownership and where they lived.
When they said where they lived she didn't believe them and followed them home.
DH and I obviously went out to talk to the Police officers and they couldn't have been nicer to us. Said that because they hadn't recognised our lads they thought they might be thieving/ dealing or something. But they could "see now" that they were lovely lads.
How could they see this? Because they live in a nice house? and have educated, polite parents?
Part of me feels that if they'd lived in a council flat they would have had different treatment. Oh yeah and they are also mixed race.

Where do you live OP- I want to move there!

The thing is MM went missing in a foreign holiday resort, had she gone missing in a british resort regardless of wether it was Butlins (which isnt that cheap btw) or some upmarket resort it would have been investigated by british police not Portuguese who knows wether it would then have been passed on to social services to investigate 🤷‍♀️
That said prior to the whole shannon matthews facade, look at the difference in reporting between the middle class Mccans, and Shannon from the Dewsbury housing estate with her single mother and one of seven siblings with several different fathers.

Baby P and numerous other cases show that working class people do not all have their children removed from them at the drop of a hat. Of course if less well off parents had had their child abducted in circumstances like that of the McCanns’, they would not automatically have had their children taken off them. Some people really do spout utter bollocks. And I remember the McCanns being crucified in the oress and on social media - clearly people are still desperate to stick in the boot even now.

@ShitPoetryClub

I guess I'm middle class now, but grew up on a northern council estate. We live in a lovely village, close to a large social housing estate. Been here 25years and never known any trouble. My 2 DSs (19 and 18) took the dog out at 10.30pm a few weeks ago. (After I'd been nagging them for hours) they were dressed in trackies. As they walked through the housing estate they got stopped and questioned by a police patrol. Police officer made them empty their pockets, asked for proof of dog ownership and where they lived. When they said where they lived she didn't believe them and followed them home. DH and I obviously went out to talk to the Police officers and they couldn't have been nicer to us. Said that because they hadn't recognised our lads they thought they might be thieving/ dealing or something. But they could "see now" that they were lovely lads. How could they see this? Because they live in a nice house? and have educated, polite parents? Part of me feels that if they'd lived in a council flat they would have had different treatment. Oh yeah and they are also mixed race.

I knew that before i got to the end of your post, its shocking its still going on in this day and age We live on a council estate, people make all kinds of assumptions about because of where we live Im sorry your sons experienced this but sadly i cant say im surprised