Page 8 | People talking to you in public

Mummybasketball · 2021-08-01T00:10:16+00:00

I was eating a breakfast by myself, head buried in my phone and someone comes up to talk to me as e cafe had been done over and looking posh. Aibu by thinking he’s a rude one?

MirandaMarple · 01/08/2021 08:43

YABU.

Did he really 'get in your face' or is that an exaggeration, like the whole non-situation?

SeeYouInFive · 01/08/2021 08:45

You don’t owe a random man your time or your conversation.

Typical male entitlement to interrupt you when you’re obviously absorbed in something and not inviting conversation. But he just trampled all over your boundaries and now loads of posters on here are telling you’re out of order not to let him.

Fuck that.

Badbadbunny · 01/08/2021 08:45

@miltonj

Part of going to cafes is chatting to others. Being friendly, interacting with the world is part of going out. Not everybody is trying it in on, in certain parts of the country it's absolutely normal to have chat with others in a public place. And yes, men do it to men too! Everyday interactions are what makes life, life, and add joy. People should really calm down, enjoy life, and stop making every little part of life into a situation to get up in arms about!

For you, maybe. But I go to cafes because I'm thirsty or hungry, nothing to do with wanting to chat to strangers.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 01/08/2021 08:46

I like to think I’m friendly but what I dread most about going out on my own is random people trying to make conversation. I’ve had people - usually women - witter on for half an hour while I’m trying to watch a band I’ve waited months to see, block my path in the pool (lane swimming) for a chat, engage in conversation while Im trying to bolt down my lunch in the minutes available.

Tbh if I was just having coffee in Morrison’s, sitting on the bus or walking round the park I wouldn’t mind.

I had to wait an hour for a bus in a village last week. Some well-meaning person had labelled all the benches “Sit here if you want to chat!” There was nowhere for grumpy old women to rest so I stood up.

StarfishDish · 01/08/2021 08:47

@SeeYouInFive

You don’t owe a random man your time or your conversation.

Typical male entitlement to interrupt you when you’re obviously absorbed in something and not inviting conversation. But he just trampled all over your boundaries and now loads of posters on here are telling you’re out of order not to let him.

Fuck that.

Its not male entitlement though.

Where I am, people often pass comment like that. Men and women included!

Gallowayan · 01/08/2021 08:47

I live in a remote rural area where friendliness is considered normal. A neighbour went to visit a large city recently. He approached several strangers with a jovial 'Heloo how are you 'the day?' He was genuinely baffled when they did not respond.

Chikapu · 01/08/2021 08:48

A 60 year old man and a 30 year old women meet in a supermarket…. She’s a 8/10 and he’s, well 60

You sound a right knob.

OldTurtleNewShell · 01/08/2021 08:48

@sammylady37

Part of going to cafes is chatting to others.

No, it’s not, not for everyone. I go to cafes to get tea and food and maybe have a little rest if I’ve been out shopping all morning or on my feet a lot. I want to relax and read my book or something on my phone while there, not talk to random strangers.

Everyday interactions are what makes life, life, and add joy

I get joy from many things in life, but total strangers interrupting me and trying to initiate conversation is not one of them.

God, yes. This.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 01/08/2021 08:48

Few times I went for a beer by myself and somehow ended up having a chat with quarter of a pub 😁
Gotta love these leople

Starjammer · 01/08/2021 08:48

Some people like small talk or chatting to strangers and some people don't. I don't particularly like it but I'm quite good at it when I have to, whereas DH hates it and won't engage with it at all. If I was in a cafe solo with my book, I wouldn't want to talk to anyone either. I wouldn't be rude, but I would be wishing they went away. I generally have enough social interaction on my own terms and don't really want any randomly. But I understand some people do enjoy that.

I always think it's a bit the same with holidays. My best friend and her husband always make friends when they go on holidays and end up having meals with them and doing stuff together. I can't think of anything worse. Just different people, different personalities.

Grimacingfrog · 01/08/2021 08:49

@OldTurtleNewShell

Surprised at all the people thinking the OP is being unreasonable. I hate it when people do that, especially while I'm eating. It's extremely rude. And as for the comments about entitlement? There's not a lot more entitled than approaching a total stranger expecting them to give you their time and full attention because you feel in the mood to socalise whether they do or not. Bonus entitlement points for getting miffed when they don't want to.

I agree. It's very different if she was just sitting at the table, looking round, smiling when he came over. But she wasn't, she was both eating her food and engrossed in looking at her phone. Queues are different, usually people are happy to chat there, or at the tills in shops but it's rude to insist on conversation with someone who's already busy.

I understand what she means about her age compared to his as well. I know it happened much more to me when I was a younger woman, and quite often by older (entitled) guys.

But @Herja don't stop chatting to people generally. If someone smiles at you or makes eye contact, they are happy to chat, or if you're at the till or in a queue. It's just about context. Someone engrossed in something else is much less likely to want to be disturbed.

supercritter · 01/08/2021 08:52

I had an older guy fall into step and start talking as I walked in the park. But too close for my liking but decided not to be paranoid till he told me he'd been on the antivaxxer marches in London. I have two vulnerable kids at home. Fuck off random man.

Starjammer · 01/08/2021 08:52

I also think expecting a conversation is different from friendly hellos in passing. We always say a cheerful hello to people when we pass them on walks etc. but that's totally different from the expectation of a conversation.

Saidtoomuch · 01/08/2021 08:53

I lived in an old area of an ex mining town where everyone spoke to you. We moved to the "posher" suburbs and I hardly know my neighbours.

omgthepain · 01/08/2021 08:54

@Mummybasketball

Why are you so worked up over this??

He was probably just trying to be nice

Get a grip

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 01/08/2021 08:54

I thought this was going to be the sequel to the Random Comment Men thread, which is worth a read in the context of the OP.

butterpuffed · 01/08/2021 08:56

I met one of my best friends at a bus stop when she struck up a conversation. We were friends for almost twenty years until she passed away. She was lovely and would never have known her if she hadn't started chatting to me.

Skinnytailedsquirrel · 01/08/2021 08:57

If you are in Scotland that's quite normal. Here in London I'd be very wary. Not many make eye contact.

Badbadbunny · 01/08/2021 09:01

@Starjammer

I also think expecting a conversation is different from friendly hellos in passing. We always say a cheerful hello to people when we pass them on walks etc. but that's totally different from the expectation of a conversation.

Yes, we do the same. But it's all about eye contact. If people want to say hello, they make eye contact. If they don't, they keep their head down or look away. Pretty simple really.

Same with stopping for a conversation. If someone coming the other way doesn't slow down, you know they don't want to stop to chat and it's rude to start a conversation.

Signs are easy to read to avoid upset either way.

ForeverSinging · 01/08/2021 09:01

I agree that he shouldn't have interrupted you while you were eating but your attitude is awful, you've come across really nasty.

He must have been dazzled by your beauty. Now he knows you're only at 8/10 to look at.

PidgeInAPud · 01/08/2021 09:02

This is my life.

user1497207191 · 01/08/2021 09:10

It's just lack of empathy, both ways, really. Some people who like random chit chat just don't have any self-awareness that others don't. Most people would "start" by a simple smile or nod, and then "test the waters" about further conversation if there was reciprocation, and pull away pretty quickly if the other party wasn't interested. Unfortunately some people don't read the signs and carry on regardless. Sadly there are also some people who DO read the signs, but take it as some kind of challenge to continue!

butterpuffed · 01/08/2021 09:10

@Skinnytailedsquirrel

If you are in Scotland that's quite normal. Here in London I'd be very wary. Not many make eye contact.

If that comment was to me, I'm not in Scotland ! Down South, Kent.

Killahangilion · 01/08/2021 09:13

Where I live this would be entirely normal and if you replied without looking at him, he’d probably get the hint and move on. If he tried to continue a one sided conversation, (definitely getting rude and pushy there), I’d tell him, I was too busy to chat right now and then ignore him.

There are a couple of local older men who stop you in the street to discuss the weather or whatever, but it’s pretty obvious that they’re not the full shilling, so I usually chat briefly then move on.

We don’t live in a vacuum and playing your part in keeping the community friendly and supportive is equally important, I think.

This isn’t the same as saying all women ‘must be nice’ though. It’s pretty clear to me how to assert boundaries with others, if necessary.

comebacksunshines · 01/08/2021 09:17

If you can’t politely shut down a conversation you don’t want, then it’s you with the poor social skills, not the poor buggar trying to engage you in some polite chit chat.
Despite your obvious good looks , he might have thought you looked lonely and he was trying to cheer you up, obviously failed in his mission judging by your post.