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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People talking to you in public

330 replies

Mummybasketball · 01/08/2021 01:10

I was eating a breakfast by myself, head buried in my phone and someone comes up to talk to me as e cafe had been done over and looking posh.

Aibu by thinking he’s a rude one?

OP posts:
HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 01/08/2021 07:03

@vodkaredbullgirl

Move down south, no fucker talks to random people.
I do.
HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 01/08/2021 07:04

@BasicDad

Eat at home or get a takeaway if you find someone "in public" talking to you annoying or offensive.

If someone is being creepy, rude or incessant, tel them you just want to be alone.

I'd hate a world where nobody in public talked to each other.

This.
dyslek · 01/08/2021 07:04

You sound like a barrel of laughs.

Why do you post on here btw? Maybe think about responding pleasently next time and you might make an actual friend and you wont have to post to random forums for human connection?

Metabigot · 01/08/2021 07:05

It's the eye contact/ sensing the vibe thing.

I was at a bar the other day, whilst they were getting my drink I was going to comment to the person next to md how good it was to be able to stand at the bar again.

But he was busy texting on his phone, so I didn't.

The man in the OPs story sounds socially tone deaf.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 01/08/2021 07:06

@Maggiesfarm

I don't know what you mean by 'a cafe had been done over and looking posh'.
How is this confusing? 🤷‍♀️
KatherineJaneway · 01/08/2021 07:06

Part of going to cafes is chatting to others.

No it most definitely is not. I go there for coffee or a snack, not to be interrupted by randoms.

Twoforthree · 01/08/2021 07:09

I chat to all and sundry, but I wouldn’t approach someone specifically to do so.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 01/08/2021 07:09

@Twelveisthebestnumber

I don't know what's worse. Some old guy wanting to have a quick chat which might be the only human engagement he has all day or you scoring yourself 8/10 Hmm
😂 Well speaking as a chatty middle aged 10/10 female, from our nation's "unfriendly" capital, all I can say is there are some right moody buggers on MN.
MoreAloneTime · 01/08/2021 07:10

I agree the problem is some people can't or won't read body language.

Imnothereforthedrama · 01/08/2021 07:11

Oh dear what am I reading , stranger makes general chit chat and that’s rude . Don’t be bloody miserable it will take a second to just nod and smile . He was just passing comment not asking you to marry him hardly disturbing you .

IS0D0RA · 01/08/2021 07:12

@NiceGerbil

I've actively told DDs.

That if anyone they don't know approaches them.

Even if it's just do you know how to get to X.

That they don't need to be polite. Just go.

No one asks a school kid rather than an adult for directions etc.

I wish I'd been told I didn't have to be 'kind' when I was a girl!

I imagine that's a terrible thing to say to them to many.

Don't care. When I was young, and men approached and asked something. They never just left. Ever.

This. I never stop to talk to men who approach me, regardless of the reason. Because if they have some legitimate reason ( they are lost, think they are having a heart attack) they would stop another man, or at least a MF couple.

I just say “ Sorry I’m in a hurry / excuse me / no thank you “ and keep walking.

There’s never a good reason.

ActonSquirrel · 01/08/2021 07:12

@over2021

I doubt you're an 8/10 but anyhoo...

I don't mind a stranger chat. Costs me nothing but I'm always mindful I might be the only person that stranger had spoken to in a whole. Remember that passing fad of #BeKind?

I know that made me laugh. She thinks he was hitting on her.

As for the personal space in a pandemic...if you feel like that stay at home 🤷🏼‍♀️

Darbs76 · 01/08/2021 07:14

What’s wrong with that? Assume you don’t live north of Watford?

chocolateorangeinhaler · 01/08/2021 07:18

You class yourself as an 8/10, someone says something to you in a public place and you're offended as it's a man. Would you have been so angry you made a post about it if it had been a woman talking to you.

Lighten up.

VodselForDinner · 01/08/2021 07:22

@BritWifeInUSA

If you eat your breakfast at home then strangers won’t approach you. If it’s that much of an issue….

He may have been lonely. A nod and a smile is often enough for people to feel noticed and acknowledged.

Why is it a woman’s job to make a man feel less lonely at a time and location of his choice?

I’m with you, OP. I’m perfectly friendly but hate when random men people decide that I’m available for their entertainment, regardless of what I’m doing.

Deedyn · 01/08/2021 07:24

If you feel like that, stay at home 😆.

melj1213 · 01/08/2021 07:27

I'm a northerner. I will chat to randos. But I know the times not to. Someone enjoying their breakfast and playing on their phone/reading a book, leave them in peace. Someone at a bus stop panicking they lost something, I take a calm practical approach and try and help.

Same here. If I am sitting at a table unoccupied and someone comes to sit at a neighbouring table and they make some small talk then I will more than likely respond and have a conversation. If, however, I am clearly and actively engaged in something - whether it's reading a book, working on my laptop or just checking mumsnet on my phone - then it is rude of them to interrupt and expect that they are entitled to my attention when I do not owe them anything.

I have lost count of the times when I've been stood at the bus stop clearly on the way home from work - uniform on, headphones in - and someone (usually, but not always, a man) has approached me. One time a guy literally waved his hand a couple of inches in front of my face when I didn't respond to his question, that I didn't hear because there was a crowd of people and I didn't know he was talking to me. When I have taken my headphones out, assuming they are going to ask a question about the bus schedule/times etc, they have just wanted to make random announcements or banal chitchat which I have no interest in. I have just finished a 10hr shift in a supermarket where I have to be nice to people all day, even when they are being dickheads, so I want to be left alone now because nobody is paying me to be nice and available to strangers who want attention until 10am tomorrow.

I also find that a lot of people confuse alone with lonely and don't seem to understand that just because someone is by themselves doesn't mean they need or want company and that they mught be enjoying the peace and quiet. I love doing things alone, sometimes because I don't know anyone else who would enjoy the activity and sometimes because I don't want the distraction of other people, and I am entitled to want to be left alone by strangers regardless of who I am with.

My sister really can't deal with my solo "adventuring" to the nearest Costa because she is the kind of person who needs to always have someone to do something with them, and if nobody is free then she won't do the activity alone, even if it is something she really wants to do. From being a child whenever she started a new class/activity she would not go unless either a sibling or friend was attending too whereas my brothers and I were all more than happy to go off alone and if we found some friends along the way that would a bonus, but not the main priority.

LouLou198 · 01/08/2021 07:29

@Wingedharpy

Was it up North? They're like that up there - the women as well.Wink
Northerner here and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at this. Sounds quiet normal to me! Sounds like he was just passing time of day. I'm sure he didn't mean any offence.
Minesril · 01/08/2021 07:30

People need to read the 'random comment man' thread again. Even if this guy was just making a random comment and didn't expect a full blown conversation, he's still demanding that a woman drop what she's doing, break her concentration, and listen to him. It is incredibly annoying and entitled.

Also nothing wrong with OP rating herself out of ten. When people post threads entitled 'I'm so ugly boohoo' there's usually hundreds of posts saying 'I'm sure you're not that bad/you're probably actually really pretty.' Gotta love mumsnet inconsistencies.

mam0918 · 01/08/2021 07:33

@Wingedharpy

Was it up North? They're like that up there - the women as well.Wink
I have lived up north my whole life and this has NEVER happened... we dont even like it when waiters ask if the foods ok while were eating.

The only time anything remotely like this has happened to me was during freshers week at uni, weatherspoons was packed (they hand out booklets to students with vouchers in) and I was alone at a table for 2 waiting for my food and a foreign student asked if she could also use the table because she couldnt find one.
We made a few minutes of polite talk (what uni are you at as theres two here, what course, where we where from etc...) and then ate our food quietly and left.

lljkk · 01/08/2021 07:39

I've tried to teach preteen/teen DC (mostly males) to have polite conversation with randoms who initiate chitchat. "You have no idea how much loneliness there is out there. It could really help someone get thru their day to have a few minutes of human contact."

mam0918 · 01/08/2021 07:40

Do people one here really randomly approach strangers who are both eating and reading?

lots of people on here admitting they have no manners because both of those senarios are rude to approach someone.

Its nothing to do with 'lack of friendliness' those are both sole activities not condusive to making small talk - make polite talk with a cashier when pay, a person on a bench at the park about the clouds, a person who has a cute dog at the dog park but not someone eating or reading.

BadNomad · 01/08/2021 07:42

You poor beautiful female. Log it with 101.

Maggiesfarm · 01/08/2021 07:42

Mummybasketball: Some crap about how the Morrison’s cafe looks posh now after the refurb.
.........
Oh I get it now.

Some people are very observant, I'm sure I wouldn't even have noticed. Sometimes I think the roof could fall in and as long as it didn't hit me on the head, I'd be oblivious.

I doubt the man meant any harm but understand you were annoyed. There are people who don't understand the desire to be alone, they feel they have to 'make conversation'. Grrrr.

Presumably you just nodded and carried on with what you were doing so it went no further.

TheAverageUser · 01/08/2021 07:49

I live rurally and we all chat to each other. I wouldn't be annoyed at all with someone chatting me, it's definitely not rude imo. He probably just wanted a chit chat and to connect with someone briefly in his day.