People talking to you in public

[Mummybasketball]

I was eating a breakfast by myself, head buried in my phone and someone comes up to talk to me as e cafe had been done over and looking posh.

Aibu by thinking he’s a rude one?

Part of going to cafes is chatting to others. Being friendly, interacting with the world is part of going out. Not everybody is trying it in on, in certain parts of the country it's absolutely normal to have chat with others in a public place. And yes, men do it to men too! Everyday interactions are what makes life, life, and add joy. People should really calm down, enjoy life, and stop making every little part of life into a situation to get up in arms about!

@Maggiesfarm

I don't know what you mean by 'a cafe had been done over and looking posh'.

The cafe has been refurbished and is looking smart.

It's people like you who make society a less friendly place. You don't have to have long conversations with strangers if you struggle to handle that, but there is no need to be so rude to people.

It depends if he was just wanting a conversation as he’s a bit lonely or if he’s one of those ‘cheer up, it might not happen’ types. 😏
As a teen, while at college, I used to work in a shop. Lots of older men and women used to just want a chat, some said it was the highlight of their day to come and speak to us. They were lovely and as a 16 year old it taught me how to chat to a wider range of people and to see how a few kind words could help someone out. It really opened my eyes as to quite how lonely some people are, so ill have a chat with anyone in those circumstances. There were also some pervy blokes who thought they could come in to the shop and ‘impress’ us ‘young girls’...🤢... didn’t entertain those. I learnt my lesson after I smiled and had a chat with one of them and ended up with a bit of a stalker. But the older people who just wanted a chat were lovely.

But a posh Morrison's cafe? 🤣

I can’t move past the fact that you just scored yourlsef out of 10 would it have been ok if you were a 6/10 and he spoke to you ?

The cafe has been refurbished and is looking smart.

Ooh I see 🤣 thank you 🎉

8/10 😂

I guess that less attractive women, 6/10 and below, are more desperate for attention and might stoop to speaking to random old codgers in a cafe.

Yanbu I HATE this

Standard behaviour from some males though.
They just see a woman/girl on her own and think "oh she must be in need of male company, I shall talk to her and relieve her loneliness, poor lonely female person! She will be so grateful that I, a Male person, have noticed her!"

They're wrong of course. But it happens SO much - on public transport, in cafés or similar, in parks - it's almost as though they're offended that a woman can be self-sufficient!

@RLOU30

I can’t move past the fact that you just scored yourlsef out of 10 would it have been ok if you were a 6/10 and he spoke to you ?

So glad it wasn’t just me.

Just out of curiosity if it was woman who approached you would you have been so bothered?

I wonder how you'd feel if you read on the news today that the man had done something awful to himself because of how lonely he was and he'd tried chatting to someone to pass the time of day etc?

Us pesky friendly northerners 😉

I don't know what's worse. Some old guy wanting to have a quick chat which might be the only human engagement he has all day or you scoring yourself 8/10

Why are women always taught to be friendly and accommodating?

Why shouldnt the OP be able to have breakfast outside in a cafe, to be able to use her phone, enjoy her meal and generally just do her thing, without having to converse with a strange guy?

I am done with being nice and friendly. I will acknowledge someone politely but after that I will get back to enjoying my own personal space.

Aw this makes me sad of course you're within your rights to not want to chat with strangers I suppose

But this is one of the reasons I love living in the north and have found it depressing and miserable when I moved down south for a few years. I really love talking to random people on the bus, in cafes, etc., especially if they're older as I always find they have something interesting to say. Also there's a chance that they're just lonely and I'd hate to ignore someone who felt like that.

Tbf, I'd probably not start a conversation myself unless there was a specific reason to, but I love chatting with random people (and both men and women do it, so I'm confident it's not just an Annoying Man Thing - although yes they exist too but it's not hard to tell the difference usually? Especially if you're as attractive as some of the PP's are proclaiming to be lol, surely you've been flirted with enough times to be able to tell the difference?). I agree with previous posters, just be polite and then find a way to say "well, if was nice speaking to you" with a smile and there you go, conversation ended. Yes sometimes you might get someone who is really going on and not taking a hint - I would just excuse myself to make a phone call normally and just ring my husband or my mum for five minutes.

My husband also seems to attract a lot of random people who want to chat to him, usually older men, so in my experience it's really not a gendered thing. I'm not disputing that men trying to harass women is absolutely a common thing, but I think you can tell the difference between someone being creepy and someone who is just looking for human contact. I also find the creepy harassing men are not stopped by being down south where random conversations aren't the social norm, so I don't think it's the same issue.

@Wingedharpy

Was it up North? They're like that up there - the women as well.

I was just coming on here to say OP must be a Southerner

I don’t really see any difference between having a chat with a stranger in a cafe or a pub. It’s not necessarily a male/female thing. It’s that they are social spaces where strangers interact. It’s fine to not want to chat, but it’s also fine to strike up a conversation.

it really dosent cost much to say a few banal words and say yes i agree it does look much improved or similar and go back to what you were doing . im not cold or unfriendly in this way to people , but then iv worked in retail since i left school so an well used to having to be sociable and make conversation even if my minds on other things

I'm a northerner. I will chat to randos. But I know the times not to. Someone enjoying their breakfast and playing on their phone/reading a book, leave them in peace. Someone at a bus stop panicking they lost something, I take a calm practical approach and try and help.

One of my biggest pet peeves however when people try to sit on my table in cafes. I once told an old lady to stfu because I was trying to read my book in a cafe on holiday and she'd decided I was going to listen to her woes. She took no hints. I asked her to sit somewhere else and she refused. Luckily covid means a little clearing of the throat and people back away now.

Yanbu

@ChittyChittyBangBangChicken

I guess that less attractive women, 6/10 and below, are more desperate for attention and might stoop to speaking to random old codgers in a cafe.

ChittyChittyBangBangChicken

I laughed at the OP rating herself as 8/10 but the man was only described as 'about 60'. The implication being that he was so horrifically old, he obviously could not even qualify for a rating. George Clooney is 60. If he can advertise Warburton's, then he might not be above nipping into a Morrison's cafe.

If he carried on talking when you clearly weren't interested, then YANBU but to object to a bland sentence about the cafe decor seems a bit extreme.

You sound friendly