Sounds horrible I know!
My father left when I was young. Refused to pay any maintenance despite coming into a very large lump sum shortly after my parents divorce and promptly married someone else who had a daughter of a similar age to me. We had no further contact after that and I never met his new wife or her daughter.
When he finally met again in my late 30’s he told me that his stepdaughter was his first priority as she’d been in his life for longer 
. She was preparing to get married at that time and he all he talked about was her wedding. That was extremely hurtful as he wasn’t at mine. He didn’t seem remorseful that he’d left me with my mother, who was abusive as he knew very well as that was his reason for leaving! He didn’t seem interested in the impact it had on me and just wanted to move on and forget the past.
I tried to get past it and wanted him to meet my DC so they’d know their grandfather but it was very difficult as contact was sporadic and we didn’t seem able to build a proper relationship. Too much time gone and we were strangers. He didn’t even get me a birthday card in the time we were in contact.
He then told me, when I told him about my mother’s abuse, that my mother had told him I wasn’t his. I kind of hoped I wasn’t (I couldn’t believe I could be related to someone who abandoned their kid) so wanted to do a DNA test before we went any further and he met my DC. He refused as apparently he didn’t want to think I might not be so I decided to cut him out if he couldn’t even do that simple thing for me. He was the one who put that doubt in my head anyway!
The last time we spoke I asked him for a picture of his mother, my grandmother, as my mother had always compared me to her (very disparagingly) and I wanted to see what she looked like. He said he’d send me one (via messenger, he didn’t even have make the effort to post it!) but 3 months later he still hadn’t so I blocked him.
That was 2 years ago and I had occasionally looked him up on Facebook as he was a regular poster. Just to check he was still alive.
A few months ago, I noticed his Facebook profile had disappeared, can’t be because he suddenly decided to block me, as I have used other people’s account to look him up. His Facebook account is definitely gone. I noticed on his stepdaughter’s account, she posts lots about having bad days etc, that people were asking how she’s coping with her ‘loss’ and she hasn’t posted anything about him for months. Her mother died a few years ago.
I am assuming he’s dead. He was a drinker and smoker, mid 70’s. Could have been Covid related. I can’t find a death record as you need date of death and where and I don’t know that.
I have never spoken to his stepdaughter and don’t want to now. She would inherit all his money I assume and this makes me quite angry. She wouldn’t be able to contact me unless through Facebook to tell me he’s dead, and she may not have because of the inheritance. Not that it’s her fault but she had his investment in time and money for years which should have been mine. I suffered greatly, financially and having a shit childhood with my mother due to him not being there. Her mother was a single mum when they met and they opened a business together with my fathers money.
AIBU to feel like this?
Any ideas on how I can find out if he’s dead without contacting her? I’ve googled death notices in his local paper but it wouldn’t necessarily have been in there.