To want to know if my Dad’s dead to stop his stepdaughter getting my inheritance?

[AbandonedDaughter]

Sounds horrible I know!

My father left when I was young. Refused to pay any maintenance despite coming into a very large lump sum shortly after my parents divorce and promptly married someone else who had a daughter of a similar age to me. We had no further contact after that and I never met his new wife or her daughter.

When he finally met again in my late 30’s he told me that his stepdaughter was his first priority as she’d been in his life for longer . She was preparing to get married at that time and he all he talked about was her wedding. That was extremely hurtful as he wasn’t at mine. He didn’t seem remorseful that he’d left me with my mother, who was abusive as he knew very well as that was his reason for leaving! He didn’t seem interested in the impact it had on me and just wanted to move on and forget the past.

I tried to get past it and wanted him to meet my DC so they’d know their grandfather but it was very difficult as contact was sporadic and we didn’t seem able to build a proper relationship. Too much time gone and we were strangers. He didn’t even get me a birthday card in the time we were in contact.

He then told me, when I told him about my mother’s abuse, that my mother had told him I wasn’t his. I kind of hoped I wasn’t (I couldn’t believe I could be related to someone who abandoned their kid) so wanted to do a DNA test before we went any further and he met my DC. He refused as apparently he didn’t want to think I might not be so I decided to cut him out if he couldn’t even do that simple thing for me. He was the one who put that doubt in my head anyway!

The last time we spoke I asked him for a picture of his mother, my grandmother, as my mother had always compared me to her (very disparagingly) and I wanted to see what she looked like. He said he’d send me one (via messenger, he didn’t even have make the effort to post it!) but 3 months later he still hadn’t so I blocked him.

That was 2 years ago and I had occasionally looked him up on Facebook as he was a regular poster. Just to check he was still alive.

A few months ago, I noticed his Facebook profile had disappeared, can’t be because he suddenly decided to block me, as I have used other people’s account to look him up. His Facebook account is definitely gone. I noticed on his stepdaughter’s account, she posts lots about having bad days etc, that people were asking how she’s coping with her ‘loss’ and she hasn’t posted anything about him for months. Her mother died a few years ago.

I am assuming he’s dead. He was a drinker and smoker, mid 70’s. Could have been Covid related. I can’t find a death record as you need date of death and where and I don’t know that.

I have never spoken to his stepdaughter and don’t want to now. She would inherit all his money I assume and this makes me quite angry. She wouldn’t be able to contact me unless through Facebook to tell me he’s dead, and she may not have because of the inheritance. Not that it’s her fault but she had his investment in time and money for years which should have been mine. I suffered greatly, financially and having a shit childhood with my mother due to him not being there. Her mother was a single mum when they met and they opened a business together with my fathers money.

AIBU to feel like this?

Any ideas on how I can find out if he’s dead without contacting her? I’ve googled death notices in his local paper but it wouldn’t necessarily have been in there.

@Aprilx I haven’t said otherwise.

err just scroll up 😆

I think under the act of inheritance the stepdaughter could have a claim if left out but I'm not 100%.

She may not know of Op's existence.

She may not.

But she also has a marriage certificate with the words previously married on which automatically opens cans of worms.

If the step sister was legally adopted, then the fact her father was previously married and a child was born to that marriage would have come up. There would be a paper trail... And the likelihood of the step sister knowing is much higher. If she wasn't adopted she has no legal claim anyway.

Otherwise you are looking at other biological relatives of the father, who are probably more likely to know of previous marriages / children....

...and then they have to prove there are no children born to said marriage or the child(ren) have died as they aren't automatically the first next of kin.

You can search probate in England and Wales, it will give you a date of death and copies of documents for a fee.

probatesearch.service.gov.uk/#wills

So sorry you went through this, must have been hard trying to have a relationship with someone who didn't want to put effort in.

@imamule

I think under the act of inheritance the stepdaughter could have a claim if left out but I'm not 100%.

Only if adopted. Otherwise biological blood relatives only. Not step children. Not carers.

@Aprilx

If there was no will the OP certainly has a claim
She doesn’t “certainly have” a claim at all.

The only way to claim would be under the 1975 Inheritance Act and this would only succeed if she had a level of financial dependence upon her father, which clearly she did not

you certainly weren't talking about if there was a will - the above is the post you wrote under the highlighted you copied that someone else wrote

I totally understand why the OP wants to find out about her father and the possibility of a will.

OP I was disinherited - actually my father provided for me in his will, but my mother went to court, I was too young to advocate for anything and didn't want to fight my mother in court, as I was too busy trying to work, eat and study. So I was screwed out of the inheritance that my father left me, in part because I could not afford lawyers and eventually I figured my mother would leave me something in her will. She didn't.
It is pretty awful.

All the while she made out she hadn't been provided for. That is all I can say.

Now as I look back at my life I just hope that that kind of thing can't happen so easily. I didn't even think to complain to anyone. I am a bit shocked that no one really asked how me and my younger sister was.
However, my older brother was so lovely to me and I met my boyfriend and my future in laws took me in, when a rubbish flat fell through.

It is like an ultimate form of rejection - and the thing is I know I was a good kid and treated my mum well, inspite of her horrific behaviour. If I had been some kind of horror of a kid maybe I could understand it?

The thing is I look back and I find it so amazing I have these so lovely in laws, obviously at the time they thought it was completely utterly crap but all they did was support me. They never said anything negative about my mother. I was very very fortunate in that regard.

Taking the moral high ground though only takes you so far.
I firmly believe you should not be able to disinherit your children.

For me, it means I don't actually care about money, I fully expect to never have any, or for someone to take it all away.

That is not really healthy but the sense of financial abandonment and unfairness is quite difficult. On the other hand my inlaws are just truly amazing. They didn't ask for a thing.

But now as an adult I realise they took me in, built me up and let me get on with my life. However, when others around me could probably see something was very wrong they were wilfully blind, I get it, they may think they would be expected to help.

All I can is that OP, if your father has died, please don't worry about being rejected. Try focus on how you have survived this trauma. Ofcourse if you learn from this you will never ever do anything as mean to the family that you care about.

So sorry op .
Life can be a pain.
You can contest the will. But I think you would need to speak to a solicitor.
My father promised us so much and sm's family got all. I got a few worthless mementos but not a penny.
Possibly councilling may help.

@RedToothBrush ah ok, I thought maybe if she was a carer etc.

Sorry for what you have suffered because of this man.

My mum and dad got divorced while she was pregnant with me. He went on to remarry very quickly and had 3 other children and had nothing to do with me, until 10 years ago when he split up with his 2nd wife and was suddenly interested. I met him for the first time and eventually introduced him to my husband and children. Then he met wife number 3 (and a stepdaughter!) and ditched me again.

I am under no illusions that I would ever benefit from his death. I’m not interested, he’s done nothing for me.

If I were you I would put thinking this way to bed. It’d be dirty money anyway.

And sorry OP - I don't want to come across as smug I know I was and am lucky with my inlaws.

If you do start searching and looking for information and answers, a bit of advice from me, it is like going down a rabbit hole. So set limits on your time so you stay focussed in the future.

Sometimes you just need to accept that for some of us life is unfair, some of us don't have great parents. Don't let searching for this information take you away from making decisions about your life and how to live it to the fullest.

But yes do find out if you have been provided for. Why not? Who knows it might actually be some good news about of the sorry relationship, but don't expect it, and limit your exposure to all of this, so you can focus on a positive future.

@darenoodle how awful

at least you had some good people in your life.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

Step daughter can not inherit if she wasn't adopted.

Which if there's a pile of unpaid child maintenance going on and an adoption assessment needed seems somewhat unlikely.

If he is interstate that falls to his blood relations.

(This would be different if his death preceded his second wife - she would inherit first and then the step daughter is able to inherit her mothers estate. This demonstrates why legally adopting / writing a will might be particularly important in blended families).

@RedToothBrush you post doesn't make sense to quote of mine you have used. I know how will work regarding adoptee, step children and when there's no will.

My point is that the poster said op wanted her fair share. Firstly, Op doesn't want a fair share.

But, secondly, right now there is no fair share. Because no one knows the situation. And even morally a fair share couldn't be guessed on because no one knows what's gone on. Or if he is even dead. My comment about her caring was to point out that 'fair share' can mean many things in many different situations.

Let's assume he did adopt the step daughter. No will and any money was being split 50:50. If the step daughter cared for him and spent alot of her life looking after him, maybe gave up work etc. I doubt many people would think 50:50 was a fair share.

There no point talking about a fair share, when op says she wants to stop her inheriting. No one knows of he is dead. Or actually had anything. Or had a will.

So 'fair share' is a pointless aim. Even if that was ops aim.

My posts wasn't about the ins and outs. Because no has a clue about them.

[quote Thehouseofmarvels]@Hedgeveg Your statement that nobody is entitled to an inhearitance ever is a load of rubbish due to the fact that in many countries people are entitled due to the law. A lot of countries have forced heirship which means that blood relatives are entitled no matter what. Scotland, Northern Ireland, France Spain Italy and Denmark off the top of my head but probably many others. I once asked a person from outside the uk who said the idea of not being entitled to inhearitance is a very English and to her, perculiarly English sentiment. She said in her country children were morally and legally entitled from an inhearitance. In England, blood relatives are also entitled if someone dies without a will. So it would be more correct to say nobody who looses a relative with a valid will in England and wales is entitled. [/quote]
There is no forced heirship in Northern Ireland! We have an act similar to E&W 1975 Act permitting certain classes of relative/dependents to make a claim, and our courts are arguably more generous to adult children but that is not the same thing at all.

@Thehouseofmarvels I feel the same, my parents aren't English & dc cannot be disinherited or lose all to a step parent.

@respectthebanana Someone once told me there was but The rules they mentioned were the ones that Scotland have ( just googled it) so I believe I was misinformed and the person who mentioned it was thinking of scotland. Apologies, my mistake.

Yes, you can search for deaths and wills. Can’t remember the name of the services.

Yes, you can make a claim to your father’s estate.

It will antagonise his stepdaughter possibly, further alienating you from eachother. You are sisters after all.

My birth father died when I was 13. My parents divorced when I was 18 months old and he only visited once a year for birthdays.

A few decades later, I learnt that my mother had tried to claim on his estate ‘on my behalf’ (I had no idea). Luckily, in his last dying stages of cancer, he’d sold everything he’d owned and spent it all on a roadtrip of a lifetime around the States with his long term girlfriend. Mum didn’t get a penny

Be careful of worms and cans with your motives, OP.

I don’t know where you are but in Scotland whether your parent dies without making a will, or has left a will which doesn’t mention you, you can claim your “legal right”. that’s either 1/2 (if they’re married) or 1/3 if not, of the deceased’s moveable property. That is split equally between you and any other offspring. So if you’re his only child you would get 1/2 or 1/3 of his moveables. That doesn’t include property but should include savings/pension/insurance etc.

There is some worryingly poor advice on here. For one thing Free BMD only gives deaths up to 1993. For another, if OP's father died without making a will, then she will inherit, not the stepdaughter. Of course YANBU to want to know if your father has died OP. If the stepdaughter possibly does not know of your existence, and if your father has died, it will be important to make yourself known to whoever will be dealing with his affairs in case there was no will. Knowing the situation and being certain will help you move on with your life. I hope he did not make a will, and he had assets that will come to you. You have had an incredibly tough time.

Just wanted to say I hope you get something from the horrible old prick and are able to enjoy it

If the death is linked to probate I believe there's a deadline after probate is posted.
If you genuinely want to challenge any will/inheritance you obviously need to know he has died first.
It must feel very confusing for you. 💐

I can see why it was really painful to be replaced by a step child roughly your age and sex. Very confusing to a child, like you were just a battery or something.

He sounds like a shit father and I don't think that's going to be redeemed by any grand declaration in his will after his death.

You could contest the will but as others have said, you might drive yourself CRAZY pushing water up hill only to find he drank every last cent anyway.

I have a solution.
If it were inheriting or being able to prove I am entitled, I would take his money and give it to a charity supporting single or abused women and children.
Some good in the end.