To want to know if my Dad’s dead to stop his stepdaughter getting my inheritance?

[AbandonedDaughter]

Sounds horrible I know!

My father left when I was young. Refused to pay any maintenance despite coming into a very large lump sum shortly after my parents divorce and promptly married someone else who had a daughter of a similar age to me. We had no further contact after that and I never met his new wife or her daughter.

When he finally met again in my late 30’s he told me that his stepdaughter was his first priority as she’d been in his life for longer . She was preparing to get married at that time and he all he talked about was her wedding. That was extremely hurtful as he wasn’t at mine. He didn’t seem remorseful that he’d left me with my mother, who was abusive as he knew very well as that was his reason for leaving! He didn’t seem interested in the impact it had on me and just wanted to move on and forget the past.

I tried to get past it and wanted him to meet my DC so they’d know their grandfather but it was very difficult as contact was sporadic and we didn’t seem able to build a proper relationship. Too much time gone and we were strangers. He didn’t even get me a birthday card in the time we were in contact.

He then told me, when I told him about my mother’s abuse, that my mother had told him I wasn’t his. I kind of hoped I wasn’t (I couldn’t believe I could be related to someone who abandoned their kid) so wanted to do a DNA test before we went any further and he met my DC. He refused as apparently he didn’t want to think I might not be so I decided to cut him out if he couldn’t even do that simple thing for me. He was the one who put that doubt in my head anyway!

The last time we spoke I asked him for a picture of his mother, my grandmother, as my mother had always compared me to her (very disparagingly) and I wanted to see what she looked like. He said he’d send me one (via messenger, he didn’t even have make the effort to post it!) but 3 months later he still hadn’t so I blocked him.

That was 2 years ago and I had occasionally looked him up on Facebook as he was a regular poster. Just to check he was still alive.

A few months ago, I noticed his Facebook profile had disappeared, can’t be because he suddenly decided to block me, as I have used other people’s account to look him up. His Facebook account is definitely gone. I noticed on his stepdaughter’s account, she posts lots about having bad days etc, that people were asking how she’s coping with her ‘loss’ and she hasn’t posted anything about him for months. Her mother died a few years ago.

I am assuming he’s dead. He was a drinker and smoker, mid 70’s. Could have been Covid related. I can’t find a death record as you need date of death and where and I don’t know that.

I have never spoken to his stepdaughter and don’t want to now. She would inherit all his money I assume and this makes me quite angry. She wouldn’t be able to contact me unless through Facebook to tell me he’s dead, and she may not have because of the inheritance. Not that it’s her fault but she had his investment in time and money for years which should have been mine. I suffered greatly, financially and having a shit childhood with my mother due to him not being there. Her mother was a single mum when they met and they opened a business together with my fathers money.

AIBU to feel like this?

Any ideas on how I can find out if he’s dead without contacting her? I’ve googled death notices in his local paper but it wouldn’t necessarily have been in there.

But that was in reply to another poster who was saying the step daughter knew!

Of course it's not odd if the step daughter has no idea. But if the step daughter does know (which we don't know) then I think it's odd.

@KindnessMyFriends Op doesn't necessarily have a fair share. Depending on where she is.

Her fair share maybe zero. And how is fair share worked out. What if the stepdaughter moved him in with her and cared for him for years. Is it fair that op comes and tries to stop her inheriting.

Ops title and first post is about stopping g this woman getting her inheritance. But until proved otherwise. Op may not have any inheritance. Her words are stop her getting my inheritance

For all we know, since op cut him off he could have drawn up a will that leaves it all to op with a note none was to go to Op.

Until the details are known. There's no such things as ops fair share.

The man might not even be dead.

I do think that you should know if your father has died, and if the stepdaughter knew where the OP lives, should have notified the OP. If it was about the time that is a possibility, attending a funeral may not have been possible owing to Covid restrictions. I'd hope you'd never wish to cheer any person's death, but it may bring some form of closure.

Given all the OP has detailed I would be very surprised if her father had not made a will.

@imamule

If there was no will the OP certainly has a claim

She doesn’t “certainly have” a claim at all.

The only way to claim would be under the 1975 Inheritance Act and this would only succeed if she had a level of financial dependence upon her father, which clearly she did not.

of course 60% of people don't make a will, which if its the case with your presumed dead father - then only his family inherit. if he adopted legally his step daughter - then it would have to be shared between you both - but if he never legally adopted and its just yo - then you'd legally inherit the lot. whatever it is

@Aprilx do explain, as heir hunters seem to search for long lost daughters like op when there is no will, as it goes to administration not probate

so what is this thing you are stating?

@Hedgeveg Your statement that nobody is entitled to an inhearitance ever is a load of rubbish due to the fact that in many countries people are entitled due to the law. A lot of countries have forced heirship which means that blood relatives are entitled no matter what. Scotland, Northern Ireland, France Spain Italy and Denmark off the top of my head but probably many others. I once asked a person from outside the uk who said the idea of not being entitled to inhearitance is a very English and to her, perculiarly English sentiment. She said in her country children were morally and legally entitled from an inhearitance. In England, blood relatives are also entitled if someone dies without a will. So it would be more correct to say nobody who looses a relative with a valid will in England and wales is entitled.

Are you in Scotland as you’re not allowed to disinherit children north of the border?

I would imagine someone like this man who was estranged from his child would have had the sense to make a will . I actually find the idea that the OP wants to find out if he’s dead to see if she can get some money extremely distasteful .

@AnneShirleysNewDress

https://www.freebmd.org.uk/cgi/search.pl

This site will let you search death records in England and Wales if that's where he lived.

Unfortunately their records only go up to 1992 so unlikely to be of any help.

Op, on the off chance he had a holiday home or assets outside of England and Wales a large number of european countries including Scotland and Northern Ireland, have forced heirship which make it impossible to completely disinherit a child in favour of a stepchild.

You can't cut someone out of your life and then try and get their money when they die

@RedToothBrush

I don’t want to upset his stepdaughter. I just want to get back at him that I get a small recompense for him abandoning me.

Its not your inheritence.

Ad tbh your whole attitude is abusive in its own right.

'Want to get back at him'??? If he's dead you aren't getting back at him. Instead you are taking out your issues on a completely innocent party, who has lost someone who she presumably cared about and loved and is hurting. All because you are jealous, greedy and frankly spiteful.

If he had a will and had no contact with you during life you haven't a cat in hell's chance of getting a penny, and by the sound of it, he made a point of saying directly to you that he considered her his daughter not you so may well have made a will precisely for this reason.

If he didn't have a will, you aren't getting one over on your father. You are going after the money of a man you didn't know at a time which is potentially very difficult for someone who has done nothing to you. You will come across as malicious and gold digging.

Ironically, if he had very little at the time of his death, you may well be setting yourself up for debts/costs of his death plus any costs incurred in persuing this vendetta (and yes thats what this is).

Whilst you are obviously hurting about the way he treated you in life, this absoluetely isn't the way to resolve this and make yourself feel better. It will open a can of worms and pain, and actually could make you feel worse even if you have a few quid in your hand.

If you are feeling this level of anger over your childhood, save yourself and everyone else involved the pain and get fucking counselling rather than acting in a way thats only going to dredge up painful memories and a whole bunch of legal issues.

You won't find the peace you seek by shitting on other people's lives.

I agree with this. My father has been useless, and chose to support other children whilst abandoning his own. Even in death I wouldn't lower myself to take a penny from him, his step children are welcome to whatever he has. I have more dignity than to chase his money, they're welcome to it, and him.

@Floralnomad

I would imagine someone like this man who was estranged from his child would have had the sense to make a will . I actually find the idea that the OP wants to find out if he’s dead to see if she can get some money extremely distasteful .

It's also distasteful to abandon your 7 year old daughter to an abusive mother, then repeatedly reject her when she tries to establish a relationship. The damage this would do to a child and the adult they become must be immense.

I suppose it’s not her responsibility to inform me, but surely you would try to seeing as she knows we were in contact?

But you weren't in contact though were you? By your own admission you blocked him and went no contact/cut him off

Surely you can understand why he left you without contact all those years ago if your mother told him you weren't his? Obviously if she led him to believe he wasn't your father then obviously he felt he had no further obligation/responsibility to you - that doesn't make it right of course but does go some way to perhaps explain his actions?

I don't think you are "owed" anything from his inheritance I'm sorry. Your posts read like you want to punish him from beyond the grave or something? That you consider it fair restitution for him abandoning you? I'm sorry your childhood was so traumatic but will financial compensation really wipe all that away? Will you then feel like the debt has been paid and it be enough to forgive and forget?

@Aprilx if there is no will she does have a claim as the rules of intestacy apply. Claiming under the Inheritance Act would be if there was a will but the OP was specifically disinherited.

@ivykaty44 that poster is clearly confused!

@Thehouseofmarvels

If he left no will everything is yours legally. If he died intestate his daughter would not have a claim to anything. She would have had to have done some serriously dodgy things to have aquired anything if he had mo will. You can look up.wills and death certificates on the govenment website. If there is no will everything is yours.

Unless he adopted the stepdaughter

[quote ivykaty44]@Aprilx do explain, as heir hunters seem to search for long lost daughters like op when there is no will, as it goes to administration not probate

so what is this thing you are stating?[/quote]
I was responding to suggestions that OP challenge a will if she was not named in it. This would need to be done by making a claim under the Inheritance Act as I mentioned. But as I also mentioned, the claim would not be successful as OP was not financially dependent upon her father.

If there is no will and no wife, then OP should of course inherit along with any other biological children under the laws of intestacy.

Don’t understand your comment about administration and probate, letters of administration are issued when there is no will and grant of probate if there is (and if it is required). I was not commenting on this at all.

*biological or adopted children

[quote imamule]@Aprilx if there is no will she does have a claim as the rules of intestacy apply. Claiming under the Inheritance Act would be if there was a will but the OP was specifically disinherited. [/quote]
I haven’t said otherwise. I was responding to comments that she should challenge a will.

[quote Angelofchaos]@KindnessMyFriends Op doesn't necessarily have a fair share. Depending on where she is.

Her fair share maybe zero. And how is fair share worked out. What if the stepdaughter moved him in with her and cared for him for years. Is it fair that op comes and tries to stop her inheriting.

Ops title and first post is about stopping g this woman getting her inheritance. But until proved otherwise. Op may not have any inheritance. Her words are stop her getting my inheritance

For all we know, since op cut him off he could have drawn up a will that leaves it all to op with a note none was to go to Op.

Until the details are known. There's no such things as ops fair share.

The man might not even be dead.[/quote]
The step daughter can only inherit if she was legally adopted as a child by her step father or he left a will. If he didn't ahe wouldn't get a penny even if she cared for him because her mother has died. (if the step father died first his estate would pass to his wife and maybe children depending on the size of the estate but since his wife died first this is irrelevant).

If the step daughter didn't know about the existence of the op it would go to the next nearest relative of the OPs father, which would be his parents, his siblings, his nieces/nephews. But if this was the case, its likely solicitors would be involved anyway and they would likely look at a previous marriage carefully - its pretty easy to do look ups for possible births to a marriage and those other relatives would also have to not know of the existence of the OP or lie that they didn't know about them. Or prove the OP was dead (which obviously they can't).

The hoops to pass the estate to someone else other than a child in this scenario keep coming back to someone lying / not knowing of the existence of the op and the claim not being correctly followed through. Which is possible but not the most likely scenario.

The most likely scenario is the OPs father is alive and well and the OPs facebook stalking has led to her putting two and two together and coming up with five based on pure assumptions or the OPs father simply wrote a will which given the level of contact the OP has had with her father is liable to be pretty bomb proof so challenging it is unlikely to do anything but cause pain.

If there is effectively an unclaimed estate that the OP is entitled to, its highly unlikely to just sit there if its of any value whatsoever because there is an entire industry built on tracing and matching such claimants. And given she is actively facebook stalking her step sister and father she unlikely to be terribly difficult to track down.

Or there is simply no estate to settle of any note once costs are deducted, which case the OP is wasting her time entirely.

The evil step sister stealing the estate only comes into play if the step father adopted (which isn't typical) and the step sister lied.

Balance of probabilities falls on him being alive (potentially in care) or having a will.

On that basis unless the OP can establish he's definitely dead, talking about his estate is somewhat premature....

...and isn't going to go down well. Indeed it may give the father the opportunity to make a will he didn't previously had to protect his step daughter...

@Aprilx you responded to my point

"If there was no will the OP certainly has a claim"

with

"She doesn’t “certainly have” a claim at all."

[quote imamule]@RedToothBrush who knows what the stepdaughter is thinking. If the OPs father has died I think it's incredibly odd that the stepdaughter hasn't informed the OP. [/quote]
Quite

Go for it OP, it might make the second part of your life easier - after DF abandoned you to an abusive mother it's the least you deserve.