Aibu to think that parents who stare at their phone and completely blank their children are a bit shit really.

[gingganggooleywotsit]

Ok I am being judgey and I know I’m only seeing a snapshot of someone’s life but it’s really upsetting me. I’ve been sitting in a coffee shop for a couple of hours doing a bit of work and there is a couple there with a 5 year old boy and they are literally glued to their phones. He’s having to hit them round the head practically to get them to look at him. He has nothing to play with keeps nearly running in the traffic and they will not look up from their phones. Little boy looks really upset. Yeah they might be working too I’ve been there wiith my kids but give the boy something to do or at least make eye contact occasionally! It’s like he’s invisible. 😞

@Badyboo

Tbf, phones have the entire Internet on, whereas kids banging on about cows on the train is quite boring. Maybe the kids should get some proper convo going?

Romesh Ranganathan does a whole thing on this “What have you got to say that’s possibly more interesting than Game of Thrones?”

In my experience if you wear your DC out running round the park etc, engaging with them, you get some peace and quiet when they nod off in the buggy. I couldn’t stand to see parents ignoring their DC on the bus when I used to take mine in to town. I must have looked like the weird mum pointing things out and talking to DC. But that is what my mum used to do, bro and I were never ignored when out and about but she did send us out to play at home, she wasn’t a martyr mum. But I can imagine what she would say to me if she had seen me pushing the buggy while scrolling through the phone ignoring DC.

To sum up, there are plenty of parents who don't invest any time or effort in their kids. But you can't judge someone based on a 10 minute or even 60 minute interaction.

There's a book called "The book you wish your parents had read" written by a psychologist and in that she warns against ignoring your child in favour of your phone unless it's unavoidable.

She said it has an impact on their self worth and sense of importance to their parents if they're ignored when trying to get your attention, and they'll look to seek comfort in the same sources as they get older (eg screens) - plus it's likely to end up with the child trying out unwanted behaviour like hitting or screaming.

And it's hard to justify getting annoyed with your child ignoring you, if you ignore them!

On the flipside, SO much is done on our phones these days - this week alone I've done everything from answer numerous work emails to get quotes from workmen, order the weekly shop, organise a friend's hen do, buy new clothes, play music, arrange social activities, check insurance details for our holiday, call and text various friends and relatives etc etc so is very hard to just put them away for the day.

@imamule that was my understanding, although I do quite like the idea that the government gives enough of a shit to give kids 15 hours of free social interaction a week, this is despite the woeful lack of funding to Social Services meaning that children genuinely in need are often overlooked.

well yeah I mean it's ok for them to go hungry but heaven forbid their parents don't talk to them.

I think we all need a bit of chill time! As long as she /he is glancing up occasionally to check DC are safe ,whats the harm? My DM /DGM used to read the paper with a cup of tea ,while I amused myself colouring in or whatever .Its only recently parents are expected to be on duty FT and never have a break!

It's a bit like non parents or soon to be parents declaring their child will never have a tablet and will watch only one hour of TV a day.

Parenting isn't a Ladybird book where children and adults play fascinating imaginative games together.

Often it's boring, frustrating and repetitive. It's easy to tune out a bit if you know your kids are safe and occupied.

With regards to phones, the parents could have been arranging shopping, vooking appointments, dealing with family issues etc.

The thing is the sort of people who come on MN are parents who want to do the best for their child and are probably looking for tips and advice. So if they are looking at their phones they have probably spent the last few hours interacting with their children.
However the people who don’t give a shit about their children, and unfortunately they do exist are unlikely to be on MN.

What about all the trolls on MNs?

@Defiant

How are you all posting these judgy replies if you never take your eyes off your kids?

Mine are off playing chicken on the M25 so will be occupied for an hour or so.

You were working in a cafe? Where were YOUR children?! Not in childcare, surely ?!
You could judge everything. But it's nicer not to.

I'm sure you deserve your parent of the year award but please spare a thought for the rest of us shite parents who can only rely on our shit parenting to get by.

Here's your gold star

I can't stand people who judge others based on very little evidence.

If I was busy on my phone and someone had to point out to me that my DC was running around the cafe or annoying other customers or doing something to put themselves in danger, I would rightly feel like a bad parent.

If someone criticised me for not interacting with my DC who was sitting nicely, I would politely ask them to mind their own business and call social services if they had any concerns about my son's welfare.

Or if I was truly at the end of my tether, I might scream at them, "WE'VE DONE PLAY DOH TODAY, WE'VE DONE PAINTING, WE'VE BEEN ON A WALK, WE'VE BEEN SHOPPING AND PISSED OFF EVERYONE IN THE SUPERMARKET BECAUSE I LET MY CHILD SCAN ALL THE ITEMS...AND IT'S NOT EVEN 5'O'CLOCK YET! AND YOU'RE JUDGING ME BECAUSE I'M EXPECTING MY CHILD TO SIT STILL, DRINK SOME MILK AND STOP WHINING FOR 10 WHOLE MINUTES FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY!!!"

It is not the end of the world for a child not to be the centre of attention 24/7. Neither will it do them any harm to sit quietly and be bored for a little bit. In fact, it's a useful skill to learn for later on in life. I've had to sit through many meetings and talks bored out of my wits.

I dunno. If he was in a cafe with nothing to do and traffic nearby that's not great, but I unashamedly have days where I engage with DD (nearly 4) for a game or activity or a chat, and then I let her know that mum is doing something else now and she needs to go play. I'm perfectly happy with that. I'm not a 24/7 children's entertainer.

If the child was running out in traffic I wouldn't of sat and observed but would have said something. There's taking a break and blatantly ignoring a child who is getting him or herself into danger.
If I observed that then yes I'd be judgey too.

If however. Kid was playing at a park or soft play, then no, the kids have something to occupy themselves in a reasonably safe surrounding

I lie beside my youngest at bedtime with my phone MNing as I wait for him to sleep. All day I talk to him, go walks, do jigsaws, sing, read, etc. Tell him I love him, say goodnight and now this is my time as I wait on him to nod off.

I don't use a phone out and about as I have too much to focus on looking after my children, both wee ones have additional needs. Can't relax for a second if outdoors.

Listen. My mum tells me when she was growing up they were out all day because the house was too small and my nan had to do all the washing /baking by hand.
These days we have our kids with us a lot and mainly have to entertain them. Ignoring them for a bit while we use our mobile is ok. No different to when people would disappear behind those giant sized newspapers that were commonplace

@DemBonesDemBones

You were working in a cafe? Where were YOUR children?! Not in childcare, surely ?! You could judge everything. But it's nicer not to.

What is wrong with childcare?

A child of 5 is old enough to bring his own toys along, read a book, people watch etc.

Maybe his parents both had urgent work emails to answer?

Since they were out as a family maybe they’d just been to a museum or swimming or focused on their son all morning, then needed lunch time to catch up with work?

A 5 year old is capable of not running into traffic, and sitting still without being talked to for half an hour. It’s not like they were ignoring a toddler or letting a 3 year old run riot.

As you said you are only seeing a snapshot

Ok I’ve read everyone’s replies. The general consensus seems to be that I am a judgey bitch. Fine. I know what I saw and for people comparing the situation to ignoring your kids at the soft play/at home. Obviously that is completely different. Kids are busy. I do not think we have to entertain kids 24/7. I’m just saying it’s nice to look them in the eye every now and again, and not bat them away like they are an annoying fly. I’m not a perfect mum by any means and if most people think I am being unreasonable so be it.

I knew the thread would go this way, don’t know why I bothered posting. Thank you to those who tried to understand what I meant.

Sometimes you are just knackered and want a bit of peace and quiet on your phone.

And then it turns out some judgeypants is reporting you to the internet.

this could be me at the park. I'm a completely tuned in parent 90% of the time but having been a SAHM I used to revel in the peace I'd get when out at the park/soft play/anywhere where they wouldn't be annoying me. Those parents could have spent the entire morning playing some tedious shite and just wanted to switch off for 20 minutes? At 5 it's a bit odd that he'd be running out in traffic so maybe he's a complete handful in general and they just wanted some peace. Or maybe he's a handful because they're shit all the time. Who knows? Most parents aren't though so I'd generally give the benefit of doubt. It's a thankless task most of the time so give them a break!