To ask your favourite ways to waste scammers’ time

[Chouxchou]

I had a call today which was a recorded message telling me my national insurance number was going to be deleted (?) unless I paid some kind of fine or some shit. I had the option of pressing 9 to speak to an ‘agent’ but I was on my way out so just hung up. Please give me some creative ideas to waste the maximum amount of their time if they call back. I would like to think I am doing someone more vulnerable a favour by keeping these arseholes on the phone to me for as long as possible.

@Blindleadingtheblind

I get calls from 'Windows' with the scammer telling me I have a virus on my PC etc. Quickest way I get rid of them is by telling them I dont own a PC, i own a Mac. Which is true but I just love how it shuts the shit down right away.

Ha! I wish. I tried that and they still insisted. WTF?! And that was a number of phone calls!!

I also used to say my laptop was not connected to the internet as we didn't have internet and they still insisted it had notified them of a virus I had downloaded. I asked them if it wrote them a letter and posted it.

OP you should look up Kitboga on YouTube, he’s a genius at wasting their time!

@Confiscatedpopit

Now all I get is a robotic voice threatening me with prison for HMRC/ national insurance or some other bollocks. Not even the opportunity to wind someone up!

It's a shame isn't it? Just no effort on their part anymore. The game is ruined

I like the whistle idea.

I admit I just hang up very rapidly. I have always been ex-directory which seems to minimise the number of such calls.

@NiceGerbil

My neighbour who is v religious.

I popped into front garden to do something he had 2 I assume Jehovah's witnesses at door.

He was asking them something about a specific bit of the Bible.

Anyway went in went shops.

Back maybe 45 mins later he still had them there and was obv still very interested in their views on xyz.

He wasn't being an arse he was genuinely interested. The two young men looked bewildered. Trying to answer his difficult and very specific questions about various Bible verses

I've invited mormons in before. They left me a nice little book to read and sat in the living room saying prayers whilst I tried to stifle my laughter. I can't say the rest it would be outing.

When the JWs knocked on the door they asked me if I had found Christ. I replied, "Have you lost him? Have you tried behind the sofa?". Luckily they didn't appear to take much offence.

Aw fuck.

I just answered an unknown Manchester number (I need to answer unknown numbers because of a project I'm involved in)

I was distracted by the kids and inadvertently answered a couple of questions thinking it was something legit (NHS Covid related but I wasn't paying full attention). The random life insurance question that i spluttered a confused no to means ill get inundated with life insurance calls now.

At least I can have some fun in the upcoming weeks with heavily foreign accented "Dave" or "John" calling me about the life insurance I wanted.

Tom Mabe was the 'crime scene' responder to a scam call - well worth looking it up on Youtube!

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them. bollocks. They know exactly what they’re doing. This attitude that these people must be earning money in the only way they can pisses me off. It wouldn’t be ok to go round mugging or burgling vulnerable people would it? Scamming essentially amounts to the same thing. Just because they’re not face to face doesn’t make them any less despicable.

I’m quite hoping to get the computer virus one so I can go into m y long spiel about how Ive had both vaccines, and which is better. - AZ and Pfizer and how difficult I found doing a lateral flow test etc

My sister had the Microsoft one. She said that she knew nothing about computers, and they responded “maybe we should speak to your husband then.” She replied “ah yes, maybe you should. He’s a police officer.” They hung up.

I’ve always wished I could be arsed to toy with them but I never am. My eXH used to toy with the computer ones. I think the longest he managed to keep one on the line was about 25 minutes.

I have a male friend who can vocally make the most realistic electronic noises.
When he gets a cold call he starts clicking, beeping, buzzing and whining noises until they slam the phone down.
It really is amazing to listen to. I'd love to be able to do it.
He can also vocalise Donald Duck perfectly too, it's hilarious hearing him talk to them until they slam the phone down too.

I treat them exactly the same as the cold caller I had on my doorstep the other day, telling me how he was going to clean my fascias and gutters.

Politely tell them to fuck off.

@beccahamlet

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them.

@beccahamlet What utterly vacuous, sanctimonious, virtue-signalling bullshit.

My FIL is extremely vulnerable, and scammers have siphoned fuck knows how much money out of him over the years. We have tried everything - number blocking, caller recognition, changing his bank details, getting the bank to flag up his account as belonging to someone vulnerable, changing his number... but clearly his details are being passed around and sold on, and they keep coming back.

He's ashamed and conceals the true extent of it, so it's very hard to help him. They are taking money he needs to live, do you understand that? Sometimes he can't buy food or pay his heating bill in winter, because his account has been frozen yet again.

But it's really great to know that you're polite and kind to the poor, poor scammers who are repeatedly stealing the life savings of a depressed, vulnerable widowed old man. How far up your arse would you like me to stick your fucking medal?

I lay the phone down, let them talk to thin air for a while to run up their phone bill, then block the number.

Elderly late MiL used to be plagued by these and they worried her immensely. I suspect she was on some kind of suckers list. She was born in Germany and although managed to keep speaking English til she died, her German was excellent so we suggested she ranted at them or read the news in German. She actually kept a German book by the phone to read to the scammers and liked being back in control.

My record is 20 minutes to the Microsoft Windows one. I kept him going for 6 minutes as he talked about Windows and I said that I had just had them replaced but I thought I needed to get the front ones done to match. Would I be better with hardwood, softwood or uPVC? Then when he finally said Microsoft, I acted surprised and asked where he was calling from, to which he replied "Microsoft in America". I asked where in America (sounded like India) and he said "Florida". Oooh, I've been to Florida a couple of times. Which attraction do you think is better, Disney or Universal? That was another 5 minutes. Then he started telling me what to do with my computer. I pretended to do it but have a Mac so it's all bollocks. Finally after 9 minutes, I got bored and told him that he was talking shite and Microsoft aren't based in Florida so he hung up. He or his mate rang a few minutes later to tell me that they were actually in California so I asked exactly where as I have travelled extensively through that state. He hung up.

I once spent a happy 36 hours stringing along a very insistent lady who required Amazon vouchers for her poor niece who was in a dangerous situation. Quite what sort of dangerous situation can be rectified with the judicious application of Amazon gift cards I never quite found out.

During the email exchange I made sure to mention how I wasn't very good with technology since my husband died, explained all about my daughter who usually helps me but was very busy in her new job in London, my son who lives abroad, the problems I had as I had lost my glasses and had to pop out twice for medical appointments.

I then screen shotted the gift card picture from the Amazon website where the serial number is XXXXXXXXXX and sent that. Poor Lyn was terribly frustrated with trying to explain to me how it worked, and was most disgruntled when I revealed I was not an elderly lady. She stopped emailing me when I told her I hoped that the time she had wasted on me meant that an innocent person had not been scammed

I particularly hate the 'you have been in an accident' scammers, because back when that was a new thing, my elderly DF was nearly caught by them.

He thought it was real because he was often partly blocked in by cars picking up children from a nearby school, and instead of contacting MN for advice, he would carefully manoeuvre his car out of the drive. Once it was very close and he was worried he may have clipped a car, but there appeared to be no damage he could see. But then he got a phone call saying he'd been in an accident.

Fortunately he didn't give them any details, I think he just discussed it with his solicitor. But it caused him a lot of worry at the time.

So I've no sympathy for the robbing bastards.

I get a lot of scam phone calls, most do not have my name but the name of an elderly lady who used to have my number. I think she had her number changed because of the volume of scam calls she was getting. I can't tell them to fuck off straight away because sometimes the caller is from the NHS or one of her relatives who still has the old number, but if they're phoning about eg the washing machine she bought, it has to be a scam because she hasn't had the number for well over a decade. Sometimes I have a go at them for being criminal scum but usually I just say I'll go and get her, then leave the phone on the side.

My elderly dad also got very distressed by these calls. No sympathy from me - I refuse to believe this is the one and only job those people could do. Get a non-scamming job, or go on benefits. Either would have more integrity than defrauding vulnerable people.

I always tell the car accident ones that it must have been a terrible accidnet but sadly its left me with dreadful amnesia.. so it can go something like this:

Scammer So you did have an accident. can you tell me when it was?
Me: when what was?
Scammer - the accident
Me what accident
Scammer The one from a few months ago
Me - did I have an accident? I dont really ?
Scammer yes it gave you amnesia apparantly
Me did it I dont remember - why were you calling again
Scammer - about the accident
Me Did you have an accident, I'm sorry to hear that
Scammer - not my accident, yours
Me I had an accident... can you tell me about it, did you see me have an accident?
Scammer - that's right
me What's right?

I kept one going like this for about 15 minutes before they gave up the will and hung up

Beautifully done listsandbudgets

My friend's DD was bullied at school. When they get a scam call the DD gives the caller a graphic account of how she wants her bully to be violently tortured. My friend tried to say that's not very nice is it, but her DD replies well my bully wasn't nice to me and these callers are scum for trying to scam the vulnerable. It must work as they've never been scammed.

@beccahamlet

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them.

You have sympathy with people who lie, steal and trick the vulnerable? Interesting approach. All my sympathy is with the victims and I hope the scammers are jailed.

I would advise caution over handing them over to a child. I did this when I had the stupid "your broadband has a problem" people. The scammer called my child a "motherfucking brat" and kept swearing until I took the phone back and told her to do one.
They ended up calling me constantly for weeks. I did mess with them a lot, but it just seemed to encourage them. In the end I stopped answering my landline unless it was a local call and they've finally given up.
The best one though - after enduring many calls I asked one chap "Is this so you can remote access my computer so you can scam me?" and he replied "How did you know?"
Because I'm not stupid?

I think engaging with them can be hazardous. Because they work by being persuasive and persistent (and some are absolute masters) any response is an 'in' for them and they'll keep trying.

Caller ID and only answer if you recognise the number. Let the answer machine pick everything up - they'll leave a message if it's important (it never is). Then I Google the number and usually end up blocking it. I don't get called much tbh.

if you answer and engage with them you are then put on a 'suckers' list which is also sold on to other companies, the cycle just goes on and on.