To ask your favourite ways to waste scammers’ time

[Chouxchou]

I had a call today which was a recorded message telling me my national insurance number was going to be deleted (?) unless I paid some kind of fine or some shit. I had the option of pressing 9 to speak to an ‘agent’ but I was on my way out so just hung up. Please give me some creative ideas to waste the maximum amount of their time if they call back. I would like to think I am doing someone more vulnerable a favour by keeping these arseholes on the phone to me for as long as possible.

@atlastifoundit - all of that post - fabulous!! 😂

'There's a warrant out for your arrest ...'
'OK. It's a fair cop. But mind you, I was provoked. You can't blame me for decapitating him'.

Friend had a calls from a conservatory company. Strung them along only to tell them at the end he lived in a 10th floor apartment.

I press 1 and get connected to the tax fraud team which will arrest me within one hour and freeze all my bank accounts unless I pay.

I subsequently listen to them ramble on for several minutes about the tens of thousands in taxes that I owe and regularly confirm that I understand and that yes this is terrible and I am very worried. Then when they ask what my job is (after approaching 10 minutes) I tell them I am unemployed. Then when they ask me "how long have you been unemployed for", I tell them I have never had a job.

Done it 3 times now.

@FatAnkles

I don't know how they knew (did the hospital sell his details??) but after breaking his wrist on private property during his work duties DH was plagued by these people, for years. He used to give the phone to our daughter but she's grown up now and refuses to play along . So now he just chats s**t to them and eventually they make their excuses and hang up.

Now the Tories are selling our data to the highest bidder this will happen all the time I imagine.

Listen to a double episode of a podcast called 'reply all' about one of these scammers. They end to flying out to meet them and its all kinds of crazy!

The episodes are called 'Long distance'. It's brilliant.

For the HMRC arrest type scam, I tell them I’ve always wanted to be arrested and it all sounds very exciting. Will the policeman be handcuffing me or should I bring my own handcuffs? Are their car seats washable?

For the computer ones, I follow all their instructions and eventually ask ‘does it matter if the computer isn’t plugged in?’ or ‘this doesn’t seem to be working on my iPad’ Sometimes I’ve been sworn at but I laugh and say ‘I win, you lose’.

@Blindleadingtheblind

We used to get scammers call the work phone years ago. We used to have competitions to see who could keep them on the phone the longest and waste their time.

More recently my brother was at my house. A scammer called me about 'the accident I was involved in' so I played along, describing in detail how I lost limbs including my own head, and my bowels exploded and they hung up. My brother was just staring at me like WTF?

I like to make sure they never bother calling back.

Brilliant 🤣

When the scammers from Microsoft call I say "my computer is off. Wait while I put it on ". I keep working away and after a couple of minutes just put the phone down.

They usually call back and I say "oh I lost you so turned off the computer. Wait while I put it on". I keep working and put the phone down again

My record is 3 call backs before they give up.

To the ones saying I'd been in an accident I either reply "Oh no - someone had an accident - OMG - who has had an accident , where did that happen , what time,will they be okay etc etc - let me get a pen so I can write that all down " or

"An accident -hold on for a moment please - I just need to make sure I write this all down properly so I can give it to the the nice policeman "

As for selling details, i had my car nicked.
I gave the insurance claims line my work number and the underwriters my personal number.

When I started getting the ‘you have been in an accident’ calls on my work phone I went ballistic at the insurers and reported them for selling my details.

I had the usual 'accident' call and I said 'ah yes, thanks so much for calling' then I proceeded to go on and on, explaining the 'accident' in great detail. Then when finally he could get a word in edge ways I said oh is that not John, he was the one I was dealing with, could I speak to him again please? Eventually they gave up but it was a while!

I just sing to them. Whatever comes into my head. Dancing Queen, the wim-oh-weh song, life is life ... I like to mix it up a little.

I engage them in conversation about making better life choices and pursuing a career that creates a net benefit to society.

@beccahamlet

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them.

You try and be polite to people who make a living out of scamming vulnerable people? Why?

Or one time they asked me about my accident and I said it could have happened to anyone after that much beer and a vindaloo and how dare they be so judgemental.

A couple of quick ways to get rid of them though:
If I get a call about my slow internet speed I say how good it is they've called and would they like to speak to my husband who 'is a BT engineer'. Click.
My mum pretends to be mad: 'have you got my handbag??' She screeches? Click.

My mum always asks scammers if their mother knows what they are doing, and what would their mother think of them trying to scam little old ladies out of their pension. Way to go, mum.

@Blindleadingtheblind

Yeah they are human beings, who try and exploit other human beings. I'm not talking about sales people who try to sell solar panels or double glazing ( although they too can rip many people off). But those who go out to try and either get your identity or your bank account details. I have zero sympathy for them.

I'd probably include double glazing sales people in the "scammers" list after experiencing one that came to my house.

He tried every trick in the book. His behaviour was disgusting quite frankly and he wouldn't leave. My husband started packing up his things in the end.

I was fuming thinking of all the more vulnerable people they pressure into parting with thousands of pounds with their shady practices.

God I love wasting their time. I pretty much keep a landline just for that purpose ;) It appears to be a very common hobby haha.

I have a Mac but I get the Microsoft calls so often that I've now rustled up a Word doc with screenshots of what it all looks like on a Windows computer so that I can 'follow along' obediently when they ask me to open Event Viewer and so on (because obviously I can't really replicate the Windows steps on a Mac). That usually keeps things going for five minutes or so. They always ask what you can see on the keyboard so I have a photo in the file of the bottom left of a Windows keyboard so I can pretend it's in front of me.

The scammers take you through a series of (harmless) steps to get some guff appearing on your screen then try and impress you with an alphanumeric string ("{888DCA60-FC0A-11CF-8F0F-00C04FD7D062}")* which must mean they know your computer. It appears on every single Windows computer (blog.dynamoo.com/2017/01/scam-01254522444-fake-bt-engineer-and.html) so is not at all unique. I've added that ID to my file too ;)

Alas we can't get any further than the point at which they want me to download TeamViewer (which is a valid piece of software but would, if I gave them a code, allow them to connect directly to my computer - nooooo) and at that point I admit that I'm stringing them along etc. I always make them hang up though.

For the 'you were in an accident' ones I usually only manage about 3 minutes before I admit that I can't actually drive.

Jo

• that string is a Class ID (CLSID) which is apparently "part of the implementation of the 'Send to compressed (zipped) folder' option on the Explorer right-click context menu." - basically it lets a bit of a menu work properly - answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/windows_7-security/i-received-a-call-from-someone-claiming-to-be/f446dc12-541a-4dc9-8324-eebf251c4c4f.

@PlasticEgg

Or one time they asked me about my accident and I said it could have happened to anyone after that much beer and a vindaloo and how dare they be so judgemental.

😂😂😂

@beccahamlet

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them.

Yes, I’m weeping for the person who scammed a friend’s elderly MIL out of £20,000 by pretending to be her bank.

@RavingAnnie true,many people have been ripped off even by so-called legit companies. Its shameful but I have a bit more sympathy for these people trying to make a living than the out and out identity theft scammers.

@GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin

I decided to play with a scammer - I was waiting for a train and was bored - so I said I was really glad they’d called because I HAD been in an accident.

By the time I got to the bit where I’d backed one of my cars - a Lamborghini - into the other - a Ferrari - and not only had my Bengal Tiger been injured in the crash but some of the diamonds in his tiara had been damaged, she hung up. Still, all the time she was in the phone to me she wasn’t bothering someone who might fall for her bullshit.

I've had a weird day and this has made me snort - thank you

is definitely not now looking for cat tiaras