Page 4 | To ask your favourite ways to waste scammers’ time

Chouxchou · 2021-07-30T20:53:00+00:00

I had a call today which was a recorded message telling me my national insurance number was going to be deleted ([grin]?) unless I paid some kind of fine or some shit. I had the option of pressing 9 to speak to an ‘agent’ but I was on my way out so just hung up. Please give me some creative ideas to waste the maximum amount of their time if they call back. I would like to think I am doing someone more vulnerable a favour by keeping these arseholes on the phone to me for as long as possible.

Blindleadingtheblind · 31/07/2021 00:27

I feel ashamed to admit this but I have on occasion wound up jehovah's witnesses or mormons when they've come knocking on the door.

DancingwithDaffodils · 31/07/2021 00:28

When I had a phone I got calls from someone telling me there was virus on my PC and I needed to upgrade / change the software. They had a strong Indian accent and I suddenly started speaking in a Chinese way. I don’t know what came over me.

I pretended to be a Chinese takeaway and kept saying ‘you wan swee an sour chicken? It number 55, wha you address please?’ Then he’d just repeated what he previously said about the virus on my PC and I continued with ‘ah yes cwispy duck, very good - you pay wi cwedit card?’ It went on for several minuted, I was really disappointed when he hung up on me

Blindleadingtheblind · 31/07/2021 00:29

@DancingwithDaffodils

When I had a phone I got calls from someone telling me there was virus on my PC and I needed to upgrade / change the software. They had a strong Indian accent and I suddenly started speaking in a Chinese way. I don’t know what came over me.

I pretended to be a Chinese takeaway and kept saying ‘you wan swee an sour chicken? It number 55, wha you address please?’ Then he’d just repeated what he previously said about the virus on my PC and I continued with ‘ah yes cwispy duck, very good - you pay wi cwedit card?’ It went on for several minuted, I was really disappointed when he hung up on me

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

IncessantNameChanger · 31/07/2021 00:30

If I'm in the mood I tell them i died in the car accident so how much compensation will I get for my death? I bet its lots?

Sometimes dh says yes he was involved in a accident. Had a coughing fit during norovirus and shit himself- how did they know?

SquirryTheSquirrel · 31/07/2021 00:35

Out of date now, as the PPI claim deadline has passed, but I used to get a lot of calls with the opener, 'I'm calling to check your PPI has been refunded'.

Rather than hanging up, I started saying, 'Yes, the money went in yesterday - thank you so much, you've been brilliant!'

They were always totally nonplussed by this.

1WayOrAnother2 · 31/07/2021 00:36

When the 'you've been in an accident' call comes, my elderly Mum answers based an idea from a previous mumsnet post (thanks to whoever put it up as we have had hours of amusement).

She echos (with horror) 'I've been in an accident?'
And then gradually works up into a panic
'I've been in an accident!'
With questions like
'Am I badly hurt? '
She finishes with
'well I can't talk to you now- I need to get straight to hospital '

Blindleadingtheblind · 31/07/2021 00:37

I'd be tempted to tell the accident ones I have in fact died as a result of said accident and they are now speaking to my ghost.

name4change · 31/07/2021 00:45

had someone call about my computer, kept asking them why i should be looking at my windows, he kept asking me to look for something on the keyboard that looked like a window!!!!, then told hom i found spmething that looked like an apple. 20 minutes on call-result!!!

Confuuuzed · 31/07/2021 00:50

Like others, I often invent catastrophic accidents for the insurance claim ones & say Im so glad they'll be able to help etc. However, my favourites tho are the Windows virus ones. My best record to date is just shy of 20 minutes.

I feel a bit ashamed about this but I told the caller I had no hands & arms so they would have to bear with me while I used my voice recognition software to instruct the computer to do all the things the asked. I then repeated all the commands in the same heavy accent that they'd used and faked increasing concern/frustration when nothing seemed to be working how they said it should. I also used some handy toddler toys to provide an assortment of sound effects and asked if that was supposed to happen etc.

I do feel bad about appropriating other peoples real disabilities/struggles & moking someones broken english but in these circumstances feel those 20 minutes may well have saved a more vulnerable persons life savings etc

Rifalo · 31/07/2021 01:08

Some of these are genius. I've had a lot of scam calls the last few days.

FrenchBoule · 31/07/2021 01:11

I had a phone call about my recent car accident(which I never had).
They were asking about the extend of my injuries. I gave them a long story how I literally lost my head and was chasing it on the road,put it back on my neck and went to collect the kids from school.

The other one was about my internet just about to be cut off unless I do what they say. They operated Windows,I’m Apple person.
Very,very bad English (shouldn’t say that as it’s my second language). The guy eventually asked me if I had Windows in the house towhich I replied yes,I have 8, which one you want me to open?I was called stupid bitch for wasting their time. Felt so proud…

Holothane · 31/07/2021 01:19

I’ve had the accident one I replied “You’ll have a job I’m registered blind” I’d love to have seen their faces when I said that, I still laugh now.

Staffy1 · 31/07/2021 01:23

@PlasticEgg and @DancingwithDaffodils, brilliant!

MadCattery · 31/07/2021 01:27

I don’t have time for it. I just ask them pleasantly to hold on, I’ll be right with them and set the phone down. In a bit, I just go hang up. They are paid by the number of calls they make and they don’t have time to waste, either, so they will take your number off their list.

ChaToilLeam · 31/07/2021 01:32

I have an Indian friend who rants at the fake Windows callers in Hindi. He has promised to teach me a few choice phrases.

AlexandraQueen · 31/07/2021 01:34

I quote GDPR legislation at them, ask them how they got my details and they've usually hung up before I get any further

NiceGerbil · 31/07/2021 01:45

Depends on mood.

When I get a person saying about this car accident where you were injured we can get compensation.

If I'm in the mood I'll say sounds good. I don't remember an accident though. When was it? Where was it? I'm surprised about this. Has there been an insurance claim in my name? Can you tell me what happened etc.

They hang up eventually.

Or hold on I just need to do something back in s minute and then just leave the line open.

If it is a person and UK number I say I'm on the TPS how did you get my info? You know this is illegal? Where are you calling from again? They don't get wound up just hang up but it feels quite good and is true.

I get more scam texts these days though

CallMeRisley · 31/07/2021 01:46

Scammers always say “Is that Miss Jenny Smith?” which is my maiden name, and I’ve been married 9 years and changed to Mrs Jenny Jones on everything official (not real names- just an example). So it goes:
Them: is that Miss Jenny Smith?
Me: No
Them: It’s not Jenny Smith?
Me: No, sorry
Them: Who am I speaking to then?
Me: Sorry, you called me so I’m not going to give you my name
Them: Can I confirm you are the owner of this phone number?
Me: Yep
Them: But it’s not Miss Jenny Smith?
Me: Nope, that’s not my name

Obviously I’m being deliberately obtuse and could easily say “Oh yes Jenny Smith is my maiden name but it’s Jenny Jones now, how can I help you?” but it’s much more of a time waste for them to go round in circles like that. I figure anywhere official that actually needed to get in touch would have my updated name on record.

NiceGerbil · 31/07/2021 01:56

My neighbour who is v religious.

I popped into front garden to do something he had 2 I assume Jehovah's witnesses at door.

He was asking them something about a specific bit of the Bible.

Anyway went in went shops.

Back maybe 45 mins later he still had them there and was obv still very interested in their views on xyz.

He wasn't being an arse he was genuinely interested. The two young men looked bewildered. Trying to answer his difficult and very specific questions about various Bible verses

Nsky · 31/07/2021 02:37

I had one woman ask who I was, I replied, who are you, and why do you need to know.
She replied it was strange, I told her it wasn’t, she hung up

Chunkymenrock · 31/07/2021 03:09

I don't answer calls where I don't recognise the caller. Just do that.

AtticusHoysAnus · 31/07/2021 05:32

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them.

😂

They're as much a bunch of cunts as people that work for private parking companies or TV licencing.

Jenasaurus · 31/07/2021 05:50

@beccahamlet

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them.

what? Is there really a job calling people up telling them there national insurance number is about to be deleted! I just thought these were all scammers chancing their luck not actual employed positions

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 31/07/2021 05:54

For the 'have you had an accident' calls, my boss does one (that I don't have the balls to do myself) that I love.

He says "Oh great yeah, I'm really interested, I just have something on the hob so can I just pop the phone down while I sort it". They say yes. He leaves it for 5 minutes then picks the phone back up and says "Hello? That's what it feels like to have your time wasted" then hangs up

I had the one from "HMRC" saying the police will be called to the house if I don't pay £3,000 now, so I pressed 9 to be put through to a human and I was said "well I don't have £3k so please send the police round. If you're HMRC, you know where I live, I'll put the kettle on and get out the hob knobs." And listen to them spluttering about it all

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 31/07/2021 05:59

@beccahamlet

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them.

🙄

I KNEW someone would say this before long.

They are complicit in scams or quack jobs that damage vulnerable people and elderly people in particular. Wether it's a hard job or not sympathising with them only encourages the profession. And don't be fooled either - plenty so it because they just need one frightened individual to steal £5k from and they're paid for the month