To ask your favourite ways to waste scammers’ time

[Chouxchou]

I had a call today which was a recorded message telling me my national insurance number was going to be deleted (?) unless I paid some kind of fine or some shit. I had the option of pressing 9 to speak to an ‘agent’ but I was on my way out so just hung up. Please give me some creative ideas to waste the maximum amount of their time if they call back. I would like to think I am doing someone more vulnerable a favour by keeping these arseholes on the phone to me for as long as possible.

@FatAnkles

I don't know how they knew (did the hospital sell his details??) but after breaking his wrist on private property during his work duties DH was plagued by these people, for years. He used to give the phone to our daughter but she's grown up now and refuses to play along . So now he just chats s**t to them and eventually they make their excuses and hang up.

I think some insurance companies give out details. I had a car accident 3 years ago, I was fine but I am still plagued by the 'recent accident' ones

I keep a copy of a popular classic novel printed in French next to the phone. I read a sentence as best I can in response to their every question. Neither of us know what I'm talking about. My aim is that they hang up first. I have a high success rate.

I kept one going for ages about switching my BT payments to them as I would be getting 'a much better deal'. It was quite fun actually. I ended up speaking to her supervisor too. I think they thought they had a winner.

We had soo many after a car accident trying to get us to make a claim on the other party involved.

My husband went along with it in the hope it would stop future calls. Answered all the questions that it wasn't our fault and that the other party came out of nowhere but didn't feel right claiming as was sure the other party didn't have much money.

It was all going so well until they found out we hit a deer not a car. They actually got quite angry with him but the calls did reduce significantly after that!

Last time one called me, I was really ill and had been sleeping on the sofa. I only answered the phone because I was worried it was school saying the kids needed collecting. I nearly cried! I explained in great detail my D&V bug including colour and texture. No ones called from there since 😁

My mum keeps a football ref whistle next to the phone for this exact purpose.

That thing is f-ing LOUD.

One word of caution...
I believe there was a scam where if you pressing the number they prompted you to on your phone you were connected to a high-rate premium number and could unwittingly incur a huge telephone bill.
I'm not sure if this is true or, if it was, it has now been prevented.

I think someone above does similar but the accident ones I go down the pretend to be a murderer route and just try to make it as creepy as possible.

I say: Does your mother know what you do for a living?

OR

Before you go further, I'd like to talk you about Jesus.

I am convinced that if you give any sort of response you remain on a data base to call again or someone has hit a target by getting a response. I just put the phone down and get hardly any calls now.

@beccahamlet

They are human beings who are doing What must be a really horrid job. I try to be polite and kind to them.

I do too, but I'm loving this thread, the "Hello, Hello, Hello, whose your lady friend?" had me snorting with laughter.

I had great fun once with windows scammers where I kept asking about different types of windows because we have dormer windows. Took them a long time to get me to “understand” they meant a computer. Then my husband took over. Kept it going for AGES.

It’s usually the ‘have you had an accident’ calls that I respond to, although I haven’t had them for a long time as they have probably deleted my mobile phone number!!!! When it goes to a human, I give them a very long spiel about an accident that I was involved in - the story ended with my hamster being at the wheel! The best calls have been when my two primary school aged boys get involved - my eldest child strings them along and then says ‘Yes I had an accident….in my PANTS’ …. they put the phone down then. By that point I’m on the floor crying….. simple pleasures….

Now all I get is a robotic voice threatening me with prison for HMRC/ national insurance or some other bollocks. Not even the opportunity to wind someone up!

“Hi, we’re calling about your recent accident”
Me: “which one??”
“You were involved in a car accident earlier this year … “
Me: “oh my god!! What happened?? Is everyone ok??”
“Errr … well we can arrange compensation … “
Me: “compensation??? Oh Jesus it sounds bad!! Did anyone die??”
“Ummm … no, compensation for your injuries … “
“Oh no this is terrible!!! How injured did I get?? I don’t remember anything!! Oh god did I sustain a head injury???”

caller has ended the call

There is a YouTuber called kitboga that has a channel dedicated to exactly this

I’m going to watch some YouTube videos now, thanks!

I once had the pleasure of a call on my home phone from one of the “windows has detected illegal activity from your isp” scammers.
I was about to hang up when I had a call on my mobile that I suspected was another scammer (unknown area code)
I asked the Windows man to hold for a moment whilst I “went to get my laptop”
I put the call on hold and then answered the mobile call. It was the usual patter of a bank scammer, your account has been compromised, fraud investigation, transfer money etc.
I asked the caller to hold “whilst I got my handbag” I may have also put on a Little Girl Lost voice.
I then went back to the home phone and asked the caller if they would speak to “my dad” who was here to help me today. I helpfully added that he was 85 and knew ALL about computers.
I then went back to the other call and said a similar thing about my dad being 85 and being more money savvy than me. I then put both phones on speaker and let them speak to each other. It took a while for one of them to give up and hang up. The other one helpfully left the call connected so I couldn’t use the home phone (a common trick apparently)

I find asking them to tell me my name is quite interesting. My last “BT” scammer said she couldn’t tell me my own name for confidentiality reasons, even though I assured her that I already knew what it was. They usually just hang up immediately.

I am now quite disappointed when I get the automated calls, no fun.

I do the dotty old lady routine for the majority of the computer ones and my best success was when I got the caller so exasperated he finally admitted it was a scam call.

I haven't had a faulty internet one for ages, possibly because when I was told that my internet wasn’t functioning properly and I might be affecting other people's, I demanded an immediate refund and kept rudely banging on about it as he was trying to give his spiel.

Someone on a chat show once said she would say, throatily, “ you sound … SEXY!”, which I tried once, and it does get rid of them.

Some of the ideas on here are wonderful. I might try a song or two next time. 😀

As soon as a number calls that isn’t recognised “this is red hot babes. By calling this number you are agreeing to pay an on call collect fee of £3 per minute. Please hold the line for the next available hot babe” wait a few seconds then, breathily “hi handsome I want you so so badly.” Just over the top of whatever they are saying.
“Who are you?” “What company?” “Why do you want me? I’m only 10.” In a little girl voice. Screaming and crying “I’m only 10! Don’t send me away to jail”
“Hang on let me put my husband on the line” hand phone to 3 year old (this one is hilarious because my 3 year old understands they’re talking to him and goes off onto random tangents)
“How the hell did you find out about that car crash? It’s supposed to be top secret. I need your name and number and the supervisors name and number, Scotland Yard are already tracing this call.” That freaks them out.
For the accident ones I talk about how I hit a guy, he is splattered all over my windshield, and he totally ran out in front of me, it’s not my fault I was driving on the pavement, was it? And he totally should have moved from the bench he was sitting on. And how lucky is it that they rang at just the moment the accident happened, they just have a 6th sense about these things, and now I don’t need to call the police because I was obviously answering their phone call which means it’s totally not my fault.
Or the very very scared and terrified “please save me! Come now, I need help.” Followed by screaming and choking.
All of which are super funny and waste their time.
Frankly I don’t think of them as people, I think of them as scum, as they’re scamming people. They can fuck right off

Another one was about virus/unauthorised use of my laptop. I always said, but the Victorian government owns my laptop. End of call.

A place I worked at years ago was plagued with these calls. Some I'd keep on the phone for ages by playing along or putting the phone down on the desk but one day I got an air horn and blasted it down the phone. Never had another call ever again!

"Oh god, I'm so glad you've rung! I've done it.......but there was SO much blood!"
That always works.