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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you withdraw completely from society?

204 replies

DancingwithDaffodils · 30/07/2021 21:41

I don’t want to be part of our society. I don’t like anything about it. I want to completely withdraw, does anyone know how to do that?

OP posts:
User56439876 · 31/07/2021 10:38

Oh and DF also apparently lived in a tent for quite a while, he left with very few belongings, and sometimes slept on peoples settees for doing handyman type jobs.

lightand · 31/07/2021 10:45

@DancingwithDaffodils

It’s a shame people assume anonymity is desired because an individual has done something wrong.
Quite. No end of people "disappear". My aunt did it for a time[cant remember the reason, I think it was marriage troubles] until she reappeared when it suited her. She became a live in housekeeper, and literally lived in.
VaguelyInteresting · 31/07/2021 11:00

@PickUpAPepper

Not strictly true re:boats.

You need a licence but many many many people and families liveaboard in the UK with no home mooring. They’re called continuous cruisers.

Similarly you can find end of garden moorings which don’t require any official paperwork but are agreements made with the landowner. I know many people who have these informally.

Pebble21uk · 31/07/2021 11:15

From what you have said OP, rather than think you have done something wrong, I would assume the opposite... that you have been wronged!

You are very much focused on dissappearing digitally - not being recorded anywhere, rather than perhaps living remotely or off-grid. I get the impression there are people you do not want to find you rather than live the life of a hermit. Perhaps understandable if you were raised in a cult.

I've long been fascinated by those who decide to dissappear or live off-grid, most however are looking for some kind of peace and solitude. A further couple of examples to those already mentioned up-thread are:
Michael Finkel: The Stranger in the Woods (about a guy who literally walked into the woods and didn't emerge until found over 20 years later)
Or look at the life and work of Barbara Newhall Follett

I have friends who partially live these lifestyles - one in the UK lives in an off-grid yurt on private land... another is a Buddhist nun who lives in a 'hut' in Northern India (this was a friend I went to school with - we went to an average UK comp!) so it's very possible geographically to do so...
BUT both have digital footprints and social media accounts to keep in touch with loved ones and remain, to a degree, a part of society. They are not looking in any way to withdraw completely.

Angelofchaos · 31/07/2021 11:18

Doesn't sound like op wants to live in a hut though. Or hiding in the woods.

She admits she does want a house and food in the fridge.

I agree, it comes across as though someone/society has hurt her.

I think the boat sounds like a great option. Though wouldn't be completely off grid. Sounds like a good compromise.

Passthecontrol · 31/07/2021 11:26

You're using social media right now!!! 😂

No she's not. MN isn't social media, it's an anonymous chat forum, they've been around since the start of the Internet. Social media usually involves your real ID and connecting with people you know. Totally different.

StarryStarrySocks · 31/07/2021 11:32

I'm not so sure about that. I'm working on it and if I manage to achieve it, I'll return here and tell you.

And how would you do that without being on the system, i.e. having an email address which is registered with Mumsnet? Confused

yeOldeTrout · 31/07/2021 11:36

Lots of anon accounts on Twitter. Also lopsided following (most people follow lots of people they don't personally know, and who don't follow them back). Is Twitter not social media?

Ilovesandwiches · 31/07/2021 12:01

Hope you’re okay xxx

Maggiesfarm · 31/07/2021 18:35

@StarryStarrySocks

I'm not so sure about that. I'm working on it and if I manage to achieve it, I'll return here and tell you.

And how would you do that without being on the system, i.e. having an email address which is registered with Mumsnet? Confused

That's a point but - are Mumsnet going to be knocking on my door? I don't think so. My bank, the council and utility companies would know my whereabouts but I wouldn't use my married name.

It can be done without living in the middle of nowhere.

Of course it may never happen for me but it is something I think about and wanted to do from childhood.

Angelofchaos · 31/07/2021 18:38

No she's not. MN isn't social media, it's an anonymous chat forum, they've been around since the start of the Internet. Social media usually involves your real ID and connecting with people you know. Totally different.

I have 2 Instagram accounts. 2 tiktok accounts and a twitter account. None have my real ID.

Social media is not defined by using your real ID.

LynetteScavo · 31/07/2021 20:57

There are probably people living in a flat in central London who have no digital footprint and never speak to anyone unless it's absolutely necessary. Most people would think they're not happy, where as someone living a similar life in the middle of nowhere is loving their lifestyle.

Maggiesfarm · 31/07/2021 21:41

@LynetteScavo

There are probably people living in a flat in central London who have no digital footprint and never speak to anyone unless it's absolutely necessary. Most people would think they're not happy, where as someone living a similar life in the middle of nowhere is loving their lifestyle.
That is exactly how I used to fantasise about myself. Totally anonymous in a flat in central London (but mysterious with it :-) ).

I've long given up that idea and I'd be happy living anonymously in the suburbs now I'm 61.

HeronLanyon · 31/07/2021 21:46

I’m sure I listened to a podcast about just this. I’ll trawl my own digital footpront see if I find it.

HeronLanyon · 31/07/2021 21:51

‘The complete guide to everything’ was the pod BUT it’s a lighthearted podcast.
Putting ‘how to disappear’ into lid search brings up a pretty hard core looking 3 part series about exactly this. Think is us based.
Healthcare would be major problem to my mind ?

WaverleyPirate · 31/07/2021 21:54

I think you would miss people if you got sick. Semi hermit would be better.

Only emerge when essential. A croft in the middle of nowhere. Not sure how easy it would be to survive.

lazylinguist · 31/07/2021 22:11

Hmm at all the posters saying 'Well what are you doing on Mumsnet then?' as if it's some kind of gotcha. Firstly, MN isn't at all the same as social media platforms like Facebook, because it's anonymous (which is part of what the OP is seeking). And secondly, the OP isn't off grid yet. So it's perfectly reasonable for her to use MN to help her explore possibilities, especially if she finds it hard to talk to people irl.

Maggiesfarm · 31/07/2021 22:23

@HeronLanyon

‘The complete guide to everything’ was the pod BUT it’s a lighthearted podcast. Putting ‘how to disappear’ into lid search brings up a pretty hard core looking 3 part series about exactly this. Think is us based. Healthcare would be major problem to my mind ?
You could still go and see your GP if necessary, or A&E if you injured yourself.

Then there's the dentist.....

VestaTilley · 31/07/2021 22:27

No. It’s not practical and you’d be lonely and probably ill quickly from lack of medical attention and varied food sources.

What would you do for money?

There are many bits of modern culture I don’t like- ignore what you don’t like, embrace what you do. Make your home and garden your haven, and quit social media if it depresses you.

HeronLanyon · 31/07/2021 22:32

Oo pebble21 the Michael finkel book looks v interesting - just got audio through audible.

maggie’sfarm I suppose it would depend on quite how you wanted to step back from society. Gp would require registration/nhs number. A and e would do in an emergency I suppose if you gave false details ?? (Not recommending folks - this is hypothetical)

AnotherMarvellousThing · 01/08/2021 00:30

@LynetteScavo

There are probably people living in a flat in central London who have no digital footprint and never speak to anyone unless it's absolutely necessary. Most people would think they're not happy, where as someone living a similar life in the middle of nowhere is loving their lifestyle.
Well, isn’t that strongly reminiscent of Joyce Vincent, whose skeleton was found in a social housing flat in London in 2006 with the TV still on and food with expiry dates from three years earlier in her fridge? She appears to have been beautiful, glamorous, intelligent, ambitious and sociable, until she resigned from her job at Ernst and Young a couple of years before her death, became estranged from her family, spent time in a domestic violence refuge and was given the bedsit in Wood Green where her body was discovered only once the bailiffs broke in looking for unpaid rent arrears.
NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 01/08/2021 00:32

Become a monk?

Maggiesfarm · 01/08/2021 03:27

@NowWhatUsernameShallIHave

Become a monk?
Oh no, that would mean living in a community with others.
Yahtze · 01/08/2021 03:54

I hope you chat it through with a therapist, OP. It sounds like you've experienced quite a lot of trauma. 💐

eekbumbler · 01/08/2021 04:16

Buy land, chickens and goats - learn how to arable farm. Generate your own electricity if needed, use a natural water supply, dig a massive fire pit, learn to weld mend and make.

Oh and of course if needs be - catch it, kill it and eat it! Hello bunny!

I don't think you're quite ready for it looking at your posts. Start with a more basic telephone system - 2 cups and some string, move on from there.

Oh and of course learn to fish. Its all about the free food.