Page 6 | Adult child and friends

GreenYellowRed · 2021-07-30T19:27:25+00:00

My 20 year old DD is back from uni and started joining us when we have friends over. The dynamic is myself, DH plus another couple. Our other DD (6) is playing with friends DD, also 6. My 20 year old DD pours herself a drink and joins the adults, while the 6 year olds play in the playroom. I have now asked DD (20) to join us for food and a quick catch up but not for a whole evening as it changes the dynamic too much and we can't really talk freely. I pointed out to her that when she has friends over we don't join them in whatever they are doing but let them have space. I don't particularly want to drink alcohol with her either. My DH thinks it's odd that I have an issue. AIBU?

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 31/07/2021 14:06

The kids weren’t playing nearby, they were in a playroom and nobody said the 20 year old had to ‘fuck off and sit in her room’. Surely the 20 year old has a mobile phone and some mates. If she doesn’t that’s a bigger issue than whether she can stay for more drinks with her parents and their mates.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2021 14:10

@JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil

The kids weren’t playing nearby, they were in a playroom and nobody said the 20 year old had to ‘fuck off and sit in her room’. Surely the 20 year old has a mobile phone and some mates. If she doesn’t that’s a bigger issue than whether she can stay for more drinks with her parents and their mates.

Oh so she’s to fuck off out the house? Even better. 😂

user1487194234 · 31/07/2021 14:15

Mine join us for a drink if they are at home which they rarely are
My best friend's daughter joins us for the whole night which is a bit irritating but not the end of the world

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 31/07/2021 14:37

I’m with your DH.

My children will always be welcome regardless of their age when they are adults. I wouldn’t tell them they had to leave at 18, take their rooms away, not have access to food or be able to join us for the evening. Seems so sad many feel this way once they hit 18.

Thadhiya · 31/07/2021 15:29

Joins the adults! Jesus Christ. You want her back on the 6 year olds table instead?

You're utterly weird.

AlexaShutUp · 31/07/2021 16:00

My best friend's daughter joins us for the whole night which is a bit irritating but not the end of the world

Tbh, I'm not sure I'm that bothered about spending time with "friends" who would find my daughter irritating merely by being in her own home. I'm more than happy to spend time with my friends' young adult dc - they are good company and I don't feel the slightest need to exclude them from our conversations.

user1487194234 · 31/07/2021 16:10

Good for you

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/07/2021 16:14

Am I a bully if I don’t want my DH in the room the whole time I have friends over?

YANBU OP

twiggytwoo · 31/07/2021 19:06

This thread is so weird - YANBU.

You have all these other threads about meeting up with A who always insists on bringing B when the OP only wants to see A - and most people say it's U for A to always include B if it's not been discussed. But apparently when it's someone's adult child you are expected to socialise with them the whole night and be thrilled about doing so!

You can have different friendship groups / different dynamics and that includes with your own adult child.

The OP isn't sending them to their room but as an adult you'd hope that their child might sit parts out!

wingsandstrings · 31/07/2021 21:08

I get it, OP. I was visiting friends recently and their young adult DD joined us all evening. I love this young lady and enjoyed her company, she is my god-daughter, however I wished we'd had some time to talk without her. For the many posters who expressed total shock that there may be topics of conversation older grownups who are close friends might not want to entertain in front of young people not in the friendship group . . . What I wanted to chat about but felt I couldn't was: a health issue related to menopause; bad behaviour from a mutual friend known by the young woman present but who didn't know the background to the issue; a concern about my DS who is known to the young woman and it would feel really weird to discuss him in front of a peer; and finally I wanted to follow up a conversation about the young woman present where her mother told me she didn't like her boyfriend! There are a million reasons why close friends of a similar age might want to talk without someone's child present. Stop making OP feel guilty about it. I wish the person I was visiting had been so considerate.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2021 21:54

@wingsandstrings

I get it, OP. I was visiting friends recently and their young adult DD joined us all evening. I love this young lady and enjoyed her company, she is my god-daughter, however I wished we'd had some time to talk without her. For the many posters who expressed total shock that there may be topics of conversation older grownups who are close friends might not want to entertain in front of young people not in the friendship group . . . What I wanted to chat about but felt I couldn't was: a health issue related to menopause; bad behaviour from a mutual friend known by the young woman present but who didn't know the background to the issue; a concern about my DS who is known to the young woman and it would feel really weird to discuss him in front of a peer; and finally I wanted to follow up a conversation about the young woman present where her mother told me she didn't like her boyfriend! There are a million reasons why close friends of a similar age might want to talk without someone's child present. Stop making OP feel guilty about it. I wish the person I was visiting had been so considerate.

So If you’re that good friends sort a lunch or dinner just the two of you and then off load your issues? Don’t expect someone to vacate their own home so you can, if you’re good enough friends you can off load your problems another time.

Meraas · 31/07/2021 22:44

@AlexaShutUp

My best friend's daughter joins us for the whole night which is a bit irritating but not the end of the world

Tbh, I'm not sure I'm that bothered about spending time with "friends" who would find my daughter irritating merely by being in her own home. I'm more than happy to spend time with my friends' young adult dc - they are good company and I don't feel the slightest need to exclude them from our conversations.

Not everything is about you! The poster didn’t say the dd was irritating.

abstractprojection · 01/08/2021 05:14

I socialize with my parents friends, always have and was expected to, and now their children who are quite a bit younger then me

If you want private time with your friends maybe outside of the home as she is now sharing this with you

Justilou1 · 01/08/2021 10:18

Join her and her friends and discuss menopsual issues like libido, etc… She’ll get it.