What do you make of this comment from OH

[GoAheadTrollMe]

Never ever have I ever posted on AIBU before but, fuck me I'm a bit upset and a bit fucked off so tell me this...

OH had some virtual interviews this afternoon, I said how did they go blah blah normal chit chat

He said he really rated 2/6 people one was a guy and one was a woman. He said he was more towards the woman as she was the only one who put her camera on for the interview but they both said similar things (all the right things for the company!)

I said I was shocked only 1 person put the camera on out of 6 as id assumed a dinstanced interview still would be better to see faces but it was really good as it would help discrimination etc

Ok that's the rather boring back story

I said, was she smoking hot (gently ribbing - yes we do this, no it wasn't a jealousy dig, he works with lots of attractive men & women)

He said 'nah she was a plus' and then looked absolutely fucking horrified, literally like he couldn't believe he said that to me (wrong crowd for sure!) I'm said.. you what? What did you just say?

He actually went fucking red meanwhile I'm going red with rage (I'm a 'plus' too! Size 18 & happy!)

He tries the whole no no you said it was a plus she showed her face (insert lame excuses here)

I said hes disgusting and does he look at me like I can't possibly be pretty as a 'plus'

He THEN SAYS

'No because I dont see you in that way'

Mans lucky I didn't chuck my drink over him.

See me in what way?

'You're just perfect to me I dont look at you and see your body I look at you and see you for you, I love you'

Weeding his way out, I'm actually shocked and raging internally.

Opinions?

Is my fella of 15 years an absolute jerk or am I just over reacting at a small comment right now?

Does he really speak about women this way at work or to his friends? Knowing I'm his partner and have met most of these people? Is that really acceptable?

I feel embarassed for him & kind of for myself if this is how he speaks about fatter folk. I may not be ideal in weight but he has never ever shown anything like this to me before. I've been a size 10 to a size 20 and hes never treated me any differently but now I'm just not quite sure what these actual feelings are.

Go ahead give me your opinions.

[RunningFromInsanity]

Well I think you’ve learnt a valuable lesson not to ask your partner whether he thinks another woman is ‘smoking hot’

[clickychicky]

Does he really speak about women this way at work hang on you're the one who started this critique of a women's appearance here.

[RicherThanYew]

Oh yeah... The man told his wife of 15 years that he looked past how fat she was and saw her beautiful personality. Aka: loves her in spite of her size. Sounds like a fucking prince.

[Reiningitin]

@Lauren94laffertyx wrong thread? 😂

[Standrewsschool]

The comment wouldn’t bother me.

You asked whether she was ‘smoking hot’, which generally implies slim and attractive, and he replied that she wasn’t, but was ‘plus’, ie. not slim.
It wouldn’t bother me (I’m also size 16-18). You brought the subject of attractiveness/size not him.

Incidently, how would you have reacted if he said ‘yes, she was smoking hot’. Would we have another thread about how dh employed the attractive candidate?

[PennyDreadful66]

@Lauren94laffertyx

Hi guys sorry could someone help me please? Are first response tests known for evap lines? Or is this a faint positive?x

I think you've posted on the wrong forum sweet, I'd ask mods to delete this and post on conception.

[RunningFromInsanity]

@RicherThanYew

Oh yeah... The man told his wife of 15 years that he looked past how fat she was and saw her beautiful personality. Aka: loves her in spite of her size. Sounds like a fucking prince.

Oh yeah, the OP really asked her partner to judge his colleague on her appearance. Sounds like a stand up woman herself…

[vincettenoir]

He handled that badly and said a lot of clumsy things. Using ‘plus’ as a derogatory term is pretty poor. I think he probably just said something without thinking that was meant to reassure you TVs to him. But that language shouldn’t really be in his vernacular anyway.

[GoAheadTrollMe]

Jesus there is alot of mixed reactions here.

I'm coming off a bit of a twat lol oh well

It's not normally an issue hense the thread, we also discuss people from my work place - it's just a generic 'Chris has 3 kids, hes grey, skinny and His wife is the one with red hair'

Its.not like every conversation we have is are they hot? Should I be worried? You gonna cheat?

I'm fully trusting of him and him me its just this one comment.

It doesnt end up coming down to looks but in THIS particular conversation it did.

Maybe I asked for it but whatever. It's not about how he views me really its about how he views others and this has never happened before. 6 back to back 12 hour shifts clearly got him tired and confused as to who he was speaking too

[clickychicky]

But why did you ask him about if this woman was hot? I think you need to look at your own prejudices.

[ObviousNameChage]

I wouldn't find another man that looks like OH attractive (short,bald,beer belly) . I just wouldn't.


That's different with OH only because he is OH and we've been together for 13 years, we've both changed our looks,getting older etc but he's still him.

Tbh I find your husband and his replies more relatable than the hysterical "my partner changed their looks in x way I can't possibly like them anymore".

And yes , some people don't consider plus sizes to be fucking hot, even when they're married to one and that's ok.

[GoAheadTrollMe]

Just to add hes never once turned around and said

Oh yeah she's ugly
She's unattractive
She's fat

He ALWAYS finds a positive regardless that's what I'm saying- he never normally comes out with this type of wording.

I think alot of You are right it was clumsy & it wasn't directed at me per say. Just it shouldn't of been directed at anyyonee

[Lauren94laffertyx]

God I didn’t even realise thank you and sorry about this lol x

[Nicknacky]

So you routinely ask what his colleagues look like? That’s just strange.

[clickychicky]

Why are you so focused on appearance

[letmethinkaboutitfornow]

@GoAheadTrollMe - don’t ask questions you don’t want to have answers for 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Aprilx]

I think he couldn’t win this conversation.

[DoubleTweenQueen]

@GoAheadTrollMe Unfortunate slip from your OH, showing a lack of judgement.

However, do you think he may have said it for a quick put down to let you know he didn't fancy her (misguided though; the reason he chose was pretty crass)
Also, I believe he doesn't see you in that way, but as the whole package? Hence the not thinking before speaking?

I think it was an unfortunate mistake, notwithstanding showing the depth of social prejudices beneath a lot of, perhaps unexpected, surfaces.

I would forgive and move on

[AntiWorkBrigade]

I’ve had something similar recently. My partner made a disparaging comment about a woman being short. I’m short. And of all the things I dislike about myself, my height is not one of them - somehow the fact I don’t see it as a minus point myself rankles even more.

Tactless, thoughtless, rude.

[Bluntness100]

@Nicknacky

So you routinely ask what his colleagues look like? That’s just strange.

Agree, I can’t even imagine asking my husband this.

I think in this op you don’t come across any better than him.

[DoubleTweenQueen]

@Lauren94laffertyx I think you have posted on the wrong thread, but that test is not showing a positive result.

[GoAheadTrollMe]

Understood!

It's a bad light it doesn't come up THAT often normally its before a work thing and I'll be like ok whos Eric whos Mary whos whoever

I'll just shut up and appreicate my partner who clearly loves me regardless which is great.

Still not ok with his wording though but ok I understand its my fault for asking.

If it wasn't a colleague but anyone else would it be ok still?

I'm not focused on appearances but regardless what people think its the easiest way to describe someone.

I suppose a snapshot of a conversation isnt painting me in the best light.

Sorry if i offended anyone I wanted opinions on the conversation and I got theeeem. I knew it was bold posting on AIBU after a vodka lool

[5128gap]

He is not wrong to not find plus size women attractive. He can't help this.
It is good that he is not so shallow as to see your attraction only in terms of your size.
He was tactless and clumsy to betray himself with his comment.
It wasn't appropriate for him to discuss the woman with you in these terms, but I don't think his comment was any more inappropriate than your own. Your question reduced the woman to no more than her physical appearance, his response did the same.

[Hopeisnotastrategy]

I voted YANBU, but to be fair you kicked the whole thing off with your ridiculous comment asking him to assess how attractive she was. That was really stupid and uncalled for, and lo and behold, it came back and bit you on the bum.

Don't do that any more. It's bad enough men feel entitled to pass judgment on women's appearance without other women egging them on. ☹️

[Viviennemary]

What a silly fuss about nothing. Are you both 12.