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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How long did it take for you to be on 'farting' terms with your DPs

452 replies

fuckyeahpercywigwam · 29/07/2021 17:37

This is not really an AIBU, but inspired by the hilarious 'he shat in the garden' thread.

My friend's daughter has been married for seven years...child-free..but her and her DH have never farted in each other's hearing. Nope. They discreetly remove themselves to the loo.

I cannot believe this.

OP posts:
Pedalpushers · 30/07/2021 11:19

Also, considering I have IBS and yet rarely if ever need to fart, I don't really understand people on this thread who say they're walking around farting constantly or that they just slip out all the time. Maybe check your diets?

Thehop · 30/07/2021 11:19

I’ve given birth in front of my husband but I wouldn’t fart in front of him.

We move away.

littlepeas · 30/07/2021 11:35

Double standards in our house! Dh and two sons fart freely - dd and I are more private. This is our choice, I hasten to add - farts are laughed at and commented on and neither of us like this. The men of the house don’t care.

EssexLioness · 30/07/2021 12:00

Been together 15 years and we don’t do this. Husband has accidentally farted infront of me on a couple of occasions in all that time (once in his sleep, so loud he farted himself awake which was absolutely hilarious)!
Generally though I find it gross and disrespectful. I have never farted infront of him, or anyone else I know tbh (let off the odd silent one when out and about if can’t avoid).
My dad used to fart all the time and his diet was appalling so they absolutely stank and would make me feel sick. He wouldn’t try to move away even if we were eating etc and seemed to take pride in it. I think it was so selfish and gross that it has probably coloured my views a bit. We have never needed to go to the loo infront of each other either, despite having only one loo and me having IBS/ weak bladder.
On the other hand, my SIL and her husband farted, used the loo (including poos) regularly infront of each other within a few months. She also says she judges couples who don’t as they are obviously not as close or comfortable with each other as they are 🤷‍♀️ Personally there are many people I feel close too without watching them shit or smell their farts.

Warsawa31 · 30/07/2021 12:31

How can you spend decades with someone and never fart in front of them lol 😂 average according to the nhs is 5-15 per day. If you assume 5 per day that's about 50k farts in 25 years.

Is it just me laughing to myself imagining people leaving a room to fart and then coming back as if nothing happened - I'm sorry but if my partner took themselves that seriously I couldn't deal with it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/07/2021 12:35

I love the fart math

ohsuzannah · 30/07/2021 12:38

It's all about upbringing. My db and I were brought up to believe it was a dirty thing to do, that things like that should be done in private. Our dad used to do one occasionally and we kids would snigger!
I'm 68 now and still feel embarrassed if I accidentally fart in front of family Blushand as you get older your body tends to do what it likes unfortunately!

lockdownbabyx · 30/07/2021 12:46

I fart in front of my DP. He also cheers me on when I'm constipated and trying to poo, which is a lot these days being pregnant. Plus we have an amazing sex life. Win win

KatherineJaneway · 30/07/2021 12:52

Sorry this isn't aimed at you specifically but I'm absolutely buckled at the idea of trying to conceal your farts frantically by running to a locked bathroom and spraying...between 5 and 15 times a day 🤣

If I farted that much I'd be off to the GP 😂

Somuddled · 30/07/2021 12:53

Known him 10 years. Not deliberately farted in front of him or any other adult in fact. Not my siblings or parents. Nor has he in front of me. A friend of his did in front of both of us and my dp sent them straight to the toilet. It accidentally happens on occasion but of course I won't do it deliberately.

Somuddled · 30/07/2021 12:55

Do you free farters also free fart at work? At appointments? What about burping? Do you make no attempts to subdued those too?

Uyli · 30/07/2021 13:01

@KatherineJaneway

Sorry this isn't aimed at you specifically but I'm absolutely buckled at the idea of trying to conceal your farts frantically by running to a locked bathroom and spraying...between 5 and 15 times a day 🤣

If I farted that much I'd be off to the GP 😂

From the NHS website.
How long did it take for you to be on 'farting' terms with your DPs
CounsellorTroi · 30/07/2021 13:02

What about burping? Is anyone too uptight to burp in front of their partner?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/07/2021 13:03

@Somuddled

Do you free farters also free fart at work? At appointments? What about burping? Do you make no attempts to subdued those too?
Do you do only same things at home you would do outside? You got no difference between work and home when it comes to behaviour?
PumpkinKlNG · 30/07/2021 13:18

I haven’t ever farted in front of a partner! And I don’t like it if they do it around me, sorry but I find it rude.

cherrytreecottage · 30/07/2021 13:23

Been together 10 years - DH always farts in front of me but I never have!! He's called me out a few times for farting in my sleep though and I've been mortified 🤣

Brefugee · 30/07/2021 13:53

Been with DH for 24 years, married for 21 and we don’t fart in front of each other. I really don’t get how people find it so amusing/entertaining.

Not long, I imagine because we Re grown ups. So we also don't find it funny or entertaing. Just human. We're not revolting about it and mostly, as we were both brought up to do, try to at least leave the room if we can. We really don't make a song and dance about it

Brefugee · 30/07/2021 14:34

Those who don't what happens on long car journeys? Do you pull in at every service station or hold it in for hours?

We shout "fart protocol!" and the driver opens both front windows.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/07/2021 14:35

I worked in an office for a bit where one of the managers would sit there doing loud smelly farts throughout the shift (and looking amused every time he did). In that case we mostly did just carry on without mentioning it, I suppose the same way you do if there’s a mad person on the tube, however it was disrespectful and gross and no one was cool with it.

In social settings, most people I know would pass comment if someone did a loud/smelly fart next to them.

But most people aren’t like M. Petomaine, your boss. In ‘high society’ (which doesn’t necessarily impress me personally), they would indeed think you very rude for mentioning it. If you were invited to dine at the palace and the Queen dropped one (and it does happen to us all, even more as we get older), are you really saying that you’d loudly draw everybody's attention to HM's paint-stripper extraordinaire?

Also, considering I have IBS and yet rarely if ever need to fart, I don't really understand people on this thread who say they're walking around farting constantly or that they just slip out all the time. Maybe check your diets?

You can’t speak for ALL IBS sufferers, though, as if nobody else ever has a different experience of it from yours – plenty of them (including some on this thread) have attested to the fact that it does affect them in that way.

Is it just me laughing to myself imagining people leaving a room to fart and then coming back as if nothing happened - I'm sorry but if my partner took themselves that seriously I couldn't deal with it.

No, it’s not just you at all! A lot of people would probably suspect an affair or similar, if their partner kept springing up and randomly darting from the room every half hour or so.

I also think it could end up backfiring (so to speak) for some of the more genteel people who go to the toilet every time they need to trump. Leaving a toilet with a distinctly whiffy top-note but nevertheless noticeably not having flushed (as observed by the person waiting outside to use it next) is going to come across as really quite grim.

If I farted that much I'd be off to the GP

What, you’d go to the GP because your body functioned normally?! That would be like making an appointment to urgently discuss the ‘worrying’ bump-like growth you've noticed in the middle of your face between your eyes and mouth!

MaxNormal · 30/07/2021 14:37

big purposeful displays of wind

Actually dying Grin

PennyDreadful66 · 30/07/2021 14:39

About a year in, we don't find it funny or anything but it's just a bodily function. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens sometimes. (Farting, nothing else)

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/07/2021 14:43

Maybe all public conveniences ought to make changes to improve efficiency for all toilet users, in a way that minimises waiting time according to payload.

In the same way that men's toilets also have urinals, for men who only need a wee and thus don't need to occupy a cubicle, why not a nationwide introduction of (well-ventilated) farting booths as an additional facility for those who prefer privacy when they only need to dispatch gaseous matter (and are 100% sure that it won't escalate)?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/07/2021 14:46

Fart cubicles😂 That's what they need. With something you can turn on to cover the noise

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/07/2021 14:47

privacy when they only need to dispatch gaseous matter (and are 100% sure that it won't escalate)?

Farts and relationships are the same. If you have to push, it's usually shit

So no pushing in the flatulence booths!

AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii · 30/07/2021 14:52

Took about a year, I used to hold them in till then DP went to work, he’s now DH and had seen me have 2 children, I’m also work in healthcare so I have no embarrassment about bodily functions. I also have terrible acid reflux which gives me awful stomach pains which can sometimes only be relieved by passing wind whether that’s burping or farting I’ll do
Anything to relieve the pain

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