Mum seems obsessed with the cost of things.

[Neondisco]

My mum seems increasingly obsessed with the cost of things. She's in her early 60s and still works a few days a week. My dad is retired. They live in a house worth around 650k (in the North) and have a few 100k from my dad's early retirement /redundancy. He gets a pension. So not hard up.

But increasingly every conversion I have we end up talking about the cost of things. Particularly food and drink. She's adamant that food and drink have massively increased in cost since lockdown. Both in shops and hospitality.she thinks many places are trying to claw loat money back.

I'm a bit worried she's stressed about money, although I'm not sure why she would be. I'm also a bit worried about why she's latched onto this as a thing. Or have things actually gone up and I haven't noticed? It's obviously not massively effecting me before anyone asks! Apart from I just have to nod along to he talking about it. I'm also a little bit sad that she is maybe not doing things she would enjoy because of her perception she's now being ripped off. It does seem ever so slightly defensive.

Just wondering if anyone else has family members like this an/or if I'm being unreasonable and prices have gone up since lockdown? So my mum is actually right?

It’s alarming that things have risen in price so much, I think your mother is probably shocked. The rapid inflation is a hook to hang ones stress about this global situation on.

She is not wrong about prices, though. Some things have shot up. For example my favourite coffee is Lavazza which was £5 for a two pack for a long time in Sainsbury's. Over the past three months it has crept up to £5.80.

The fact that prices have gone up sounds like it may be a moot point because your parents are comfortably-off so can probably absorb the rises easily. However does your Mum maybe struggle with seeing it from that perspective? What does your Dad say- are they sitting at home winding each other up about money or is he perfectly relaxed? Possibly you need a quite word with him to see if he can reassure her (or come clean to you about financial difficulties you never realised they had).

Im in my 40s and very aware food prices have gone up. Its something Id mention to friends and am actively looking now to try and make sure we aren't overspending.

I guess you're lucky to have enough of an income you not only dont notice it but ut doesn't bother you!

@Teaandjam

She’s old and probably has nothing else to talk about.

The OP said her mother is in her early 60s. So several years younger than, for example, Kirsty Wark, who regularly fronts Newsnight on BBC2.

The OP's mum could be in full time employment with several years of work ahead of her, should she so choose. She is not of 'pensionable age' for at least 2 or 3 (maybe more) years.

Your post is insulting and ageist.

@Teaandjam

She’s old and probably has nothing else to talk about.

God that is so ageist. For a start, she's hardly old. OP's mum is not even pension age and she still works.

Cross post!

There really are some horribly ageist posts.

I still find it important to spend my money well so if I find something is no loger good value in the supermarket I consoder buying something else. I thought most people did 🤔

@Teaandjam

She’s old and probably has nothing else to talk about.

Popcorn alert!

We used to spend £100 - £120 a week on food and household products. Now I'm pleased if it is under £150, and it is frequently £180. We are going to be tightening our belts as this is not sustainable in the long term.

Things go up every year. But we've essentially missed a whole year so it is more noticeable.
Pubs and restaurants are perhaps not doing so many special offers as they don't need to. But given the year they've had can't blame them for cashing in while they can as this won't last forever

I too am surprised that OP hasn't noticed price changes. Look at petrol, for a start. Eye-watering. Every week at the supermarket checkout I feel I must have been awfully extravagant this week, yet it's the same stuff as usual that I'm buying. Wages aren't keeping pace with this. Your parents' financial situation is a whole lot better than ours, but we're not yet looking down the barrel of a fixed income for an unknown length of time.

My mum is a bit like this too .... and she also has to always tell me how much that would be in old money

Thanks for the ageism alert above. Honestly, how is ageism even allowed these days?! Everybody gets older, why do we attack being older as it is anything other than a privilege. Living long enough to be old is a blessing.

OP were your parents ever really hard up in the past? I think some of the mindset a person develops then is very hard to leave behind. I am comfortably off now (but not in a huge way. I mean I don't need to worry about the washing machine breaking down and that sort of thing and the mortgage is paid off), but have been very poor in the past and the fear of that is always there in the background. Hence me noticing the price of coffee going up!

My weekly food shop used to be £70 it's now £110...

My mum (in her 70s) is becoming like this too; I've noticed it since lockdown. She is by no means poor, but obsesses about what to put in her online shop so as to save £2 on a delivery charge (she doesn't drink alcohol or buy herself other treats, no no easy trolley-boosts there). A neighbour even had a discreet word with me the other day about mum asking her (not for the first time) if she wanted my mum to buy groceries for her (they aren't hard up either) - to save £2 on the delivery charge.

I've had a gentle word and mum laughs and agrees it's daft - and then asks me if I want to add anything to her online shop.

I think it is an age thing, along with having more time on her hands during lockdown.

She's also obsessed about knowing what time it is (though there's always been an element of this), to the point of me asking her to take off her wristwatch whilst driving. There is a clock on the dashboard right in front of her, but there have been several instances where she's been turning her head to examine her watch while driving and has steered into the oncoming lane of the road. She is cross when I mention this but accepts that she does it.

There don't seem to be any other absent-minded related things, but @neondisco did strike a chord with me about the seeming fixation on prices, etc. My response is pretty much the same; I nod, smile, gently remind mum that it's a couple of pounds that she can afford, listen patiently to her and turn the subject if I can without annoying her. I am a bit more strident about the watch-checking in the car, though. If she wants to crash up the car with herself and me in it, that's one thing, but she's not taking out the dog (or some other poor innocent) over whether it's five past or ten past the hour.

Or maybe it's me. I tend not to be much of a worrier generally, so it might be my perception that's off, hehe. But I'm happy to pay for my online shop delivery.

Its conversation too. Id be irritated if a friend just said "you can afford it though" rather than joining in!

Pricing has gone up massively, I’m surprised anyone hasn’t noticed to be honest.

There’s more to come, I work in a manufacturing environment and raw materials are going up every time we order at the moment - we have to pass these on as they aren’t just 2-3% increases, its 20-30%.

Id imagine a conversation leading to a discussuon of brexit/covid and the things we had both noticed increasing in price tbh. Recent news on radio 4 about difficulties recruiting truckers/ikea shortages.. just normal small talk in these times. Rather patronising to cut it down.

Noticing how prices have increased doesn’t neccesarily mean you can’t afford the increase.

But rising inflation could be a trigger for anxiety, whatever age you maybe.

I have a friend the same age as your mum who has recently started doing this. I get that things have gone up but it is getting exhausting listening to her. It seems like every 5 mins she will bring it up. She has a job and is mortgage free so no immediate money worries.

Am not sure what the value of the house matters in this tbh - its not like you can just pull a couple of 50s out the wall before going to the supermarket, is it?

Of course it does, the same as when I had little cash, slept rough to make it last etc. wasn't the same as others poverty as with no dependents and safe in the knowledge I could get easily get a job if I wanted to. The in-demand skills and shiny CV were the same as the massive pile of money they have in the house, it absolutely should remove the stress of needing to pay for bills, they can trivially get hold of money if they need it in a way those genuinely in poverty cannot.

It could be one of many reasons, including that prices have indeed risen significantly. However, although I didn’t notice it at the time, I now realise that an elderly relative’s first sign of dementia was when she started to obsess about the cost of things, which was completely out of character for her. But your mum is not old, so it’s probably just that she is shocked by current prices.

A close family member in their late 60's is a nightmare for this and has been for a few years.

Every single thing you buy gets the "how much" question and always results in the "you could have got it cheaper" comment. Usually from somewhere an hours drive away...