AIBU or is this baby?

[ShielaSaz]

There's this baby I know who has recently decided that every moment he is awake, it is appropriate to SHOUT. It doesn't matter where we are either (he seems to follow me everywhere), at home, in the shops, during my routine eye test the other day (the only time he actually stopped was to take a giant dump much to the amusement of the optician who was trying to remain professional).

When it first started, I thought something may be up so being a good mum person, checked on him. But no, there is no crying, no frustration, this kid thinks it's hilarious.

I've politely asked him to stop but it's made no difference and I'm sure I saw a little middle finger go up at one point although I may have hallucinated that part.

My husband is at work during the day so is only subjected to this for a few hours in the evening. He thinks it's funny and actually encourages it, shouting back! LTB?

Anyway, what should I do about this my shouting baby? I should at least log it with 101 right? Will my MP be interested?

You know, usually OP insists the CF’s hobby is too outing to say, but you just started right with a shout bang!

But yes, you have DB* problem.

*damn banshee

I'm going to go against the grain here, and say YABU.
*
This is, quite frankly, all your own doing. Well, technically 50%.

I think you just need to suck it up. Sorry*

Wowwwww victim blaming much

@AlfonsoTheMango

Are you sure it's a baby and not a goblin? It's easy to mix them up.

This has reminded me - @ShielaSaz - have you tried asking the Goblin King to take the baby away? Not only do you lose the screaming, you get the bonus of David Bowie in tight, tight tights coming to your house!

Does it spark joy? If it does, keep it. If not, throw it out.

Report it to your environmental health department. Would a facemask (muzzle) help?

I’m surprised no-one has suggested to cancel the cheque.

@Gremlinsateit

I’m surprised no-one has suggested to cancel the cheque.

They have.

Catch it in a humane trap (peanut butter, mars bar and nutella are all excellent bait)

Release into a field or woodland far, far away.

OP what did you learn about relationships when you were growing up? Read Lundy Bancroft's "Why Does He Do That?" you'll recognise his type, it's like they all follow a script! Get your documents together and other essentials and store them at your sister's. Oh, and do the Freedom Program.

have you tried asking the Goblin King to take the baby away?

Wherever you may be take this child of mine far away from me!

Still no clue what you're on about

Have you spoken to the MoD? They're always looking for new weapons and very shouty baby could be the very thing.

Don't get it wet after midnight - you might think it's bad now...

I was once followed round a garden centre by the sound of a tot shrieking YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YAAAAAAA YA YAAAAAAAA for what seemed like a lifetime, but was in reality only about half an hour.

I feel for you OP

We realised our second model had malfunctioned when it reached five years past release date and announced one day that it was a One Direction fan

@ahoyshipmates

I was once followed round a garden centre by the sound of a tot shrieking YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YAAAAAAA YA YAAAAAAAA for what seemed like a lifetime, but was in reality only about half an hour.

I feel for you OP

Did you have to take them home with you as well or did they not belong to you?

Sounds like the baby needs a job

I’ve had one of these with the same fault for more than three years now, I left it too late to get a refund so now I’m stuck with it. Could try selling for spares & repairs on eBay?

@Yescheese

Sounds like the baby needs a job

Absolutely. It's probably not too useful in a mine but is small enough to go up a chimney.

I may be being thick - but can you not just remove the batteries?

Seems obvious so sorry if others have already suggested it!

You do realise this thread is going to go poof?

Has anyone suggested switching it off and back on again?

Is the baby compatible with any smart tech apps? If so, I would have thought you could regulate it fully with your phone.
It might need to be plugged into something first, unless it’s battery operated. If the latter, I suggest you don’t buy Duracell next time.

@MackemLass79

I blame social media reality TV and bloody footballers!!!

Makes a change from covid

@sotiredofthislonelylife

Is the baby compatible with any smart tech apps? If so, I would have thought you could regulate it fully with your phone. It might need to be plugged into something first, unless it’s battery operated. If the latter, I suggest you don’t buy Duracell next time.

Durex might work better