Using someone en-suite without asking

[FawnFrenchieMum]

Would you be upset (maybe miffed rather then upset) if a family member (who doesn’t live in your house in case it makes a difference) needed to use a sink (not an emergency) and as someone was in the main bathroom decided to use your en-suite sink instead?

For reference, three story house. Living room on middle floor with DS’s bedroom plus en-suite, kitchen & downstairs toilet on the bottom floor, main bathroom, DD’s bedroom and master bedroom with en-suite on the top floor.

Person went from the living room upstairs to use the sink (personally I’d have gone downstairs) found the bathroom engaged and entered our bedroom and used out sink.

AIBU to think this is rude / not the done thing? Would it make a difference depending on who it was?

@MrsMaizel they absolutely could use my kitchen sink. Another poster has expressed their annoyance at my calling it a bathroom ‘sink’ apparently, it’s a kitchen sink and a bathroom basin.

It's a bathroom sink / basin / washbasin / wash hand basin - all correct

Only a sink in the kitchen though

I'd never go upstairs as a guest to use the loo / sink unless specifically invited to or obviously if there was no alternative

It’s a shame that despite having more toilets/bathrooms than the majority of people in the world, you are still bothered by a family member using the “wrong” one while a guest in your house.

Maybe you could put signs on the doors to make it crystal clear which areas are a no-go for your guests? Because those without an en-suite may not realise that it’s your own private sanctuary in an otherwise normal house.

They could have waited. Or gone to bottom floor. So to access your ensuite surely they had to enter your bedroom. Sorry but that's a big no for me when it was not necessary.

Closed doors makes a big difference. That's how I signal to guests what rooms they may and may not enter. I spell it out to children sometimes but not adults.

I'd imagined a MIL, SIL or similar female relative, who might annoy you a bit generally, or live a little differently, so you didn't know if what they did was 'normal'.

It being a male relative does make it feel a bit more of an invasion of privacy (cos this is MN where men are always wrong obvs!). Going into a lady's bedchamber and all. A female relative might be irritating but I'd be less uncomfortable about them seeing personal body-related stuff.

Warmduscher walking through someone's bedroom when there are other options is a strange thing to do - its very obvious a bathroom accessed through a bedroom in a house with a family bathroom and a guest toilet is not the one for people who don't sleep in that bedroom to use!

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Warmduscher walking through someone's bedroom when there are other options is a strange thing to do - its very obvious a bathroom accessed through a bedroom in a house with a family bathroom and a guest toilet is not the one for people who don't sleep in that bedroom to use!

It's not always strange, it may have been a case of it being the most logical/practical choice in thr circumstances.

For example, if I need to wash my hands because I have touched something dirty/sticky etc I I more likely to go to a bathroom upstairs than down because going up stairs I don't need to hold the bannister whereas going down stairs I do.

If I got up stairs and the main bathroom was occupied, I'm not going to loiter and wait or walk downstairs again and contaminate the bannisters when I know there is a available basin to wash my hands in only a few feet away.

I think it’s rude and I would hate it

How old/well is this person, OP?

Cos it's not much to a younger person to go upstairs, come down again and ask to use the en suite and then go back up again or go down another set of stairs to the guest loo (although a pain in the arse). But to someone older or not very fit, it's a lot of effort for no real reason.

YANBU OP

Yes for many of us it probably could depend on who it was but there fact is it bothers you so it is intrusive

My mother was here the other day (to do hs a favour by taking us somewhere) and I said something as I felt she was being intrusive. I was getting ready in the bedroom with DC and she came upstairs and in the bedroom to see baby. I then hinted for her to go so I could get ready by saying something like "I'll be down in a minute, I'm just getting ready" she said ok and continued cooing to baby. I then commented on how she's suddenly started walking into our bedrooms.

She did it the other day and she bumped into DH who was in the bedroom behind the door as she didn't even knock. I thought it was a bit much but I find my DM doesn't do subtlety so I usually end up saying some bring out of frustration!

@category12

How old/well is this person, OP?

Cos it's not much to a younger person to go upstairs, come down again and ask to use the en suite and then go back up again or go down another set of stairs to the guest loo (although a pain in the arse). But to someone older or not very fit, it's a lot of effort for no real reason.

Young healthy person