Using someone en-suite without asking

[FawnFrenchieMum]

Would you be upset (maybe miffed rather then upset) if a family member (who doesn’t live in your house in case it makes a difference) needed to use a sink (not an emergency) and as someone was in the main bathroom decided to use your en-suite sink instead?

For reference, three story house. Living room on middle floor with DS’s bedroom plus en-suite, kitchen & downstairs toilet on the bottom floor, main bathroom, DD’s bedroom and master bedroom with en-suite on the top floor.

Person went from the living room upstairs to use the sink (personally I’d have gone downstairs) found the bathroom engaged and entered our bedroom and used out sink.

AIBU to think this is rude / not the done thing? Would it make a difference depending on who it was?

You said family so I’m not sure. I’ve always wandered into my Dad’s en suite if there’s someone in the main bathroom. I wouldn’t if it were a friend’s house though.

@SirYawnsAlot

Did they need a tog? Maybe they wanted a bit of privacy.

No tog just needed to use the sink

When expecting guests I only tidy the rooms I expect visitors will see.

So if I was lucky enough to have an en-suite it would be a tip, as is my bedroom. No way I’d want anyone in there. It’s not appropriate for guests to swan around as though they own the joint. If someone was in the loo they should have said to you, at which point you would have decided what was appropriate.

Unless of course it’s your best friend that is visiting, who knows you live in a mess upstairs and she’s been in before and it’s totally fine and you have no secrets. If not her, the guest overstepped the mark.

If the covid situation is still an issue where you are that’s relevant too, so you can provide a guest with a fresh towel so they don’t need to use yours and risk spreading anything if you or they are a symptomless carrier.

What did they want to wash off their hands?

Maybe they didn't want to go downstairs, touching your handrail en route, because of what was on their hands.

Maybe they didn't want to wait for DD in case she was having a poo.

Was the en suite and/or bedroom a mess and that's why you're cross?

I wouldn't go into somebody else's bedroom without permission, and even with permission it feels awkward! So, no, YANBU.

It would make a difference to me who it was. Family and close friends wouldn't really bother me. I'm not a particularly private person, though.

Also, I think, whether I'd left the bedroom door open or not - i.e. if they are in the hall way and can see the sink just there, or what was obviously a door to an en suite, or they knew it was just there... I would find that more understandable even if I wished they hadn't, but if they didn't even know I had an ensuite and went through the bedrooms looking for one I would be raising an eyebrow and wondering if I should have them in the house again!

Yeah I'd never loiter outside a bathroom waiting for whoever was in there to finish. That's very awkward potentially.

That would be rude unless the person was allowed to use it in the past I guess.. but still you can have all sorts of private things in your bedroom or en suit. Maybe they though you wouldn't notice?

I wouldn't care. I think it's weird and a bit precious to mind.

bit weird, but if they needed to wash their hands, may have been concerned to do it close by to avoid touching anything with dirty hands.

Better the ensuite than bursting in to the bathroom

@userchange902 Ah so you get to demand a space that no one else can have. Sounds fair.

I wouldn’t go in someone’s bedroom, or I’d ask first. In the circumstances you describe I would’ve just waited or gone downstairs.

I couldn't care less but I'm an anally tidy person so my bedroom and bathroom are always instagram ready.

Especially with family and close friends. They can see what toothpaste or tampons I use, I don't care at all.

I would hate it so I always tidy up (hiding away mostly) before people coming to my house because once people are in it’s difficult to control them so better to be prepared. 🙂 Maybe get the lock for your bedroom if you have visitors often.
Since we’ve moved to UK only very close relatives (like parents or siblings) have visited us. They would be allowed to use en-suite or any other parts of the house any time. When we visit relatives and have wider family gathering I put my things out of sight in the room where I’m staying (into the suitcase or inside the wardrobe) because my cousins are nosy and have a habit to wonder around the house.

I'd have gone downstairs.

Were you in bed at the time OP, or otherwise erm, "engaged", if you catch my drift?

I wouldn't be happy if that were the case, otherwise, not a problem.

I would have used the kitchen or the downstairs loo to wash my hands. But if already upstairs I can’t see the big deal about them using the en suite. Unless there is a backstory (and I bet there is)... was it MIL or SIL?

Personally it wouldn't bother me if friends/family, they all make themselves at home at our house.

I wouldn't do it though unless I know the person wouldn't mind

As long as I'd remembered to put away my sex toys I wouldn't have a problem with a family member using my en suite

I guess it would depend on what they were doing in my sink, and who was doing it.

Sinks are in the kitchen/utility room; basins are in bathrooms.

I wouldn't want anybody going in my en-suite and I wouldn't do it at anybody else's house. Objectively it's not a big deal, my bathroom is always clean especially if people are coming round. But it's just rude to assume it's ok, to me at least.

I wouldn't do it personally, I hate people going into my bedroom because it's always a tip. If I had an ensuite it would also be a tip.

I couldn't get massively worked up about it if it was someone I knew but wouldn't especially like it.

For reference, three story house. Living room on middle floor with DS’s bedroom plus en-suite, kitchen & downstairs toilet on the bottom floor, main bathroom, DD’s bedroom and master bedroom with en-suite on the top floor.

With this set up, as there is no guest bathroom on the floor with the main living/socialising area then guests have an option of going up or down to access a "general" bathroom and for some reason your guest chose to go upstairs rather than down. Depending on why they needed to use a sink then this may have been more logical (eg dirty hands and steep stairs, I would go upstairs rather than down as I am less likely to need to hold a bannister going up rather than down) or just automatic (if they don't have a downstairs loo at home they may just automatically think "Bathroom = upstairs") but either way, once they were upstairs their only options were to wait outside the main bathroom, which I think is weird behaviour when there are other bathrooms available; nip into your ensuite or go back down two flights of stairs to the other guest bathroom.

Under the circumstances, if I was at a family members house in this scenario I would probably not into the ensuite too.

YANBU. A bedroom is a private space, and you don't enter without permission.