Using someone en-suite without asking

[FawnFrenchieMum]

Would you be upset (maybe miffed rather then upset) if a family member (who doesn’t live in your house in case it makes a difference) needed to use a sink (not an emergency) and as someone was in the main bathroom decided to use your en-suite sink instead?

For reference, three story house. Living room on middle floor with DS’s bedroom plus en-suite, kitchen & downstairs toilet on the bottom floor, main bathroom, DD’s bedroom and master bedroom with en-suite on the top floor.

Person went from the living room upstairs to use the sink (personally I’d have gone downstairs) found the bathroom engaged and entered our bedroom and used out sink.

AIBU to think this is rude / not the done thing? Would it make a difference depending on who it was?

Usually people go into a bathroom because they need to do something private and personal and feel a sense of urgency and a certain amount of possible distress about taking care of business, as it were. If there was a bathroom available that was not being used by someone else, I think it is reasonable to use it even if it is an en suite, and that it is, in fact, a little bit vulgar of you to think about in this unmerciful manner.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this.

@quizqueen

Sinks are in the kitchen/utility room; basins are in bathrooms.

yes. i wonder why people say this. and also pillows/cushions. ground/floor.

OP, lock your bedroom door when you are not in there. simples.

I personally wouldn’t go into anybody’s en-suite unless it was a emergency and I would ask first .

Doesn't bother me. My main bathroom is opposite the living room door so if anyone wants more privacy they can use my en suite
Or in my friends words "I need a poo, can I use your en suite because I'm poo shy"

I wouldn't use someone's en-suite, even in an emergency. In fact, an emergency use would be worse lol!

Someone's bedroom is their private space and I'd find this very rude.

My first suspicion would be that they needed some privacy and I'd trust them to make that call, unless they have a history of snooping round your house.

No it wouldn’t bother me.

No, they shouldn't enter your bedroom uninvited. I am surprised anyone claims it is acceptable.

Are you sure they didn't actually need a wee but said 'sink' to be polite? When you've got to go, you've got to go.

But with your set up. Your guest would have had to first go upstairs to see that the main bathroom was occupied then go down two levels to get to the grown floor loo. That's silly. Totally OK for them to use the one in your bedroom.

Did they take a shit in the sink??

YABU and a bit precious. Nice to have so many sinks to choose from!

I'd be miffed as I usually clean main bathroom / loo if people visit for them to use, like you I wouldn't cheat away personal items

Saying that my MIL offered quite forcefully to clean my bedroom carpet when I was heavily pregnant as we had a cat and she thought the carpet needed the cat fur removing (carpet was about 2 months old) and the next of it was she had herself cleaning my DH bedside cupboard and drawers!! I did mine then abs there )even though I needed to rest so she didn't see my personal items - what I'm saying is some people have no boundaries

It wouldn’t bother me, my bedroom is always just as tidy as everywhere else.

Were they staying overnight with you?

If visiting during the day I think it is really weird to be going through bedrooms into ensuites or even upstairs to the full family bathroom when there's a guest toilet downstairs. The guest toilet is very clearly the only one people not sleeping in the house use.

@quizqueen

Sinks are in the kitchen/utility room; basins are in bathrooms.

That's right, I'm glad you said it.

Thing is op, t's done now so no point fretting about it. You can canvass all the opinions you like but it won't change anything.

Why not just put it behind you? Nobody died.

In future, make things clear to visitors (tactfully).

I agree it does seem an invasion of your privacy. Even my adult DC, who still live at home would ask if they wanted to use our en suite for any reason. They are my children, I don’t expect them to ask, but they do out of curtesy. I certainly would not expect a visitor to use the en suite.

I think bedrooms are private spaces, and therefore ensuits aren't available for use without asking.

I'd not be at all bothered.

Bathroom was busy, they were already upstairs, they knew there were free handwashing facilities on the same floor.

I don't think it's a big deal. I wouldn't think much of it. It's not like they were going in for no reason or to rummage through your undies.

I mean, asking would have involved coming downstairs again, presumably, since they went up to use the main bathroom.

Yes, I'd be miffed if anyone went into my bedroom without permission. The person could simply have waited or gone downstairs.

As it wasn't urgent I'd be pissed off. That's my private space