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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using someone en-suite without asking

136 replies

FawnFrenchieMum · 28/07/2021 22:35

Would you be upset (maybe miffed rather then upset) if a family member (who doesn’t live in your house in case it makes a difference) needed to use a sink (not an emergency) and as someone was in the main bathroom decided to use your en-suite sink instead?

For reference, three story house. Living room on middle floor with DS’s bedroom plus en-suite, kitchen & downstairs toilet on the bottom floor, main bathroom, DD’s bedroom and master bedroom with en-suite on the top floor.

Person went from the living room upstairs to use the sink (personally I’d have gone downstairs) found the bathroom engaged and entered our bedroom and used out sink.

AIBU to think this is rude / not the done thing? Would it make a difference depending on who it was?

OP posts:
MrsMaizel · 29/07/2021 08:32

Don't you have a sink in your kitchen?

DGFB · 29/07/2021 08:33

This wouldn’t bother me

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 29/07/2021 08:34

Definitely rude. You go downstairs which I would expect to be obvious to them.

I discovered the blokes who did our heating had been using our en suite when I was working from home in the bedroom and one came in to use it. I asked him to use the downstairs one and he claimed he didn't know we had one - despite the boiler they were working on being in the downstairs toilet Hmm

I'd expect it to be common knowledge that you don't enter someone's bedroom without asking them, even if they're close family.

user1471538283 · 29/07/2021 08:34

It really wouldnt bother me. I've always wanted an en suite but preferable it would be just for girls! I've spent my entire life sharing with boys/men. I just want a beautiful girl space...

purplesequins · 29/07/2021 08:37

so you would rather expect them to walk 2 flight of stairs down?
yabu

RitaFires · 29/07/2021 08:38

I wouldn't use an en suite without asking. If I just needed to wash my hands my preference would be the downstairs loo or the kitchen sink but I can see why someone who has already gone upstairs would choose to seek out a sink on that floor rather than traipse back down two flights of stairs.

I wouldn't be offended if someone I'm close to used my en suite but I do think it's intrusive if you don't know the person well or know that they like to keep rooms private. My partner is NC with his sister now but she's a nosy gossip and I know if she used our en suite anyone who is vaguely acquainted with us and plenty who aren't would be hearing all about what brands we use, the decor and the cleanliness.

Chikapu · 29/07/2021 08:40

I couldn't be arsed getting upset or miffed about someone using a sink, such a waste of energy to be bothered by it.

diddl · 29/07/2021 08:41

I suppose it depends what I wanted to use it for as to whether going to a bathroom or kitchen seemed more appropriate.

Plus of course who the person is.

As long as I wasn't in bed I can't thnk that I'd be too bothered about someone just walking through the room.

Benjispruce5 · 29/07/2021 08:43

If it’s via your bedroom yes I wouldn’t like that and most people would ask first.
My MIL is always halfway up the stairs when I remind her we have a downstairs loo. Lives here 20 years! She just likes a snoop.

starfishmummy · 29/07/2021 08:46

They could have just waited a few mins for my DD to finish on the loo.

but personally I’d have just waited for the main bathroom to become free if I’d already gone upstairs.

But what were they supposed to do, just stand hovering outside the bathroom? I was always taught that was extremely rude.

ExConstance · 29/07/2021 08:53

This would not bother me at all. Most of our visitors use our ensuite as it is bigger and has a better shower than the guest room one. I always say to visitors to just use whichever loo is most convenient. I like to keep the facilities tidy so nothing untoward would be on display, I dry my knickers over the banister so they would see them on the way through anyway.

harverina · 29/07/2021 08:53

I would expect them to use the sink in the kitchen?

Yes I would be a bit miffed!!

Unless it’s very close family. But even then I would tell them to use the kitchen sink.

category12 · 29/07/2021 08:57

Just seems weird to me to get aerated about.

Person goes upstairs to family bathroom. Normal. (No-one likes using the downstairs "guest" loo, they're generally poky, and person is after all a family member).

Person finds bathroom busy. They know there's an ensuite, so they think nothing of using it. Asking would involve going downstairs again, which is a lot of palaver to go. They didn't go up intending to use the ensuite to ask beforehand.

They don't know how long the family bathroom will be busy and maybe they think it's impolite to put pressure on whoever is using it by hanging around outside waiting. Maybe they don't want to listen to them poop 💩 or smell it after.

And maybe actually, they urgently needed a piss as well as washing their hands and didn't want to tell op that, who knows?!

Also if the person is older, maybe going up and down stairs is a lot of effort to them.

I think it's absurdly precious.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/07/2021 08:59

I use my friends en suite of I'm
Upstairs in his house.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 29/07/2021 09:00

I think once they have trailed up the stairs to find the main bathroom occupied they cba to trail back down two flights of stairs to get to the downstairs one and then back up to the living room

Also I supposed it may depend on the layout, some ensuites are just off the bedroom door, which would be less intrusive than traipsing through the room and round the bed if it was across the room iyswim?

In our last house I always regretted the position of the ensuite, it was off the bedroom and the wardrobes were in the small corridor bit as you went it and it would not have made any difference to the space if they had been the otherway about.

BSideBaby · 29/07/2021 09:01

It's hugely rude to enter someone's bedroom without asking, family or not. I don't understand those who are saying they wouldn't mind the invasion of privacy!

Maggiesfarm · 29/07/2021 09:01

OP you've had many responses; some wouldn't care, others would. You obviously do but it was a one off.

Did you say anything to the relative who used your ensuite wash basin?

Next time you have visitors, make it clear where they are to ablute. Then you won't have to come on here to canvass five pages of opinion.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 29/07/2021 09:03

and yes...using the sink may have been an excuse!
"I'll just go wash my hands" is less personal/embarrassing than asking to use the toilet for some folks.

Original poster
FawnFrenchieMum · 29/07/2021 09:04

So to answer a few questions, no I’m not losing sleep over it. I just wondered if I was odd by feeling a bit miffed by it and interested to know other peoples opinions. I’m very aware no one died.

Our door was closed to with a doorstop stopping it being fully closed (heavy fire doors, slam shut without the doorstop). En-suite door fully closed.

Person knows we have an en-suite and familiar with they layout (they helped us move but we have lived her five years).

No I wasn’t in bed lol, I was in the living room where the person had come from.

Guest was a day visitor not staying overnight.

DD is a child so wouldn’t have been at all embarrassed by being in the bathroom.

My medical equipment is of a very personal manner and was hanging in the shower at the time (water has to drain from it). The guest was male.

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 29/07/2021 09:05

@BSideBaby

It's hugely rude to enter someone's bedroom without asking, family or not. I don't understand those who are saying they wouldn't mind the invasion of privacy!
Because I don't see someone (family) going into my bedroom as an invasion of privacy. I sleep in there...unless I was in there at the time naked, there is nothing private about it.
Original poster
FawnFrenchieMum · 29/07/2021 09:07

And apologies for confusing a sink and basin!

OP posts:
Tinpotspectator · 29/07/2021 09:13

"Next time you have visitors, make it clear where they are to ablute. Then you won't have to come on here to canvass five pages of opinion."

Utterly unpleasant and unnecessary remark. Passive aggressive too.

MrsMaizel · 29/07/2021 09:13

@FawnFrenchieMum

And apologies for confusing a sink and basin!
What does that mean ? Why could they not use your kitchen sink ?
diddl · 29/07/2021 09:16

If I've read the layout correctly & they went upstairs to use the main bathroom then I don't think that that is odd.

If it's a flight of stairs to either the main bathroom or the guest toile I think that a lot of people would choose the main bathroom.

rantymcrantface66 · 29/07/2021 09:17

It don't think it's odd they went up to the family bathroom, and on finding it in use I don't blame them for not wanting to walk down 2 floors then back up a floor to the living area. As a family member familiar with the house I don't think it's odd. (Maybe so for an acquaintance who looked about on the off chance)