Wanting a wage for playing with his granddaughter

[Bigdisappointment]

This is what my dad ‘Joked’ well, he wasn’t laughing about today.
Parents come to stay with us, he was playing with toddler Dd, she always wants to play with him. He played for a bit, then stood up and said he was going to the bank to get his wage. Confused, I asked ‘Wage for what?’ He said ‘For this’ meaning playing/looking after Dd,
Aibu to feel hurt that he obviously begrudges spending time with her, I'd rather he didn’t if he didn’t want to.
How involved are your parents with your kids? Feel disappointed in mine a lot.

@Wingedharpy I adored my dad and was a daddy’s girl, he’s a complicated person though and as an adult looking back, I see lots of things he did wrong and I’d never raise my Dd like that. I’m definitely messed up by lots of things..but that’s a whole other thread

But do you all think that comment was a dig at me also? Like he should be paid for childcare?

OP, my mum suggested I pay my unemployed sister £46 a day to entertain my son. She was being very serious, I hadn't asked for childcare as we have him in nursery.

Hoping your dad was joking

But if your DD adores him and only wants to play with him that suggests he is doing something right?
I’ve generally found that children know who likes them and will gravitate towards the person who will get down on the floor and play with them.

Yes op he could have worded it better. Not nice. My mother wasnt hands on either with mine. Its hurtful. I dont go out of my way for her now and snipey remarks dont help

OP Did your DF play or entertain you when you were a child?

Some older generation men just feel uncomfortable playing with kids......this is not an excuse for him.

I don't understand why you can't just ask him!!!
And do you remember how much love and work your parents put in to being you up?
What is all this nasty stuff about paying parents back when they are old. They are already getting old and you might not know if they are also struggling with a chronic pain condition.

Almost all the posters sound really mean and clearly have not remembered that these are the people who took care of them.

I love spending time with my DGC but after years I am very ill and in a lot of pain....it is not so much fun.

@Bigdisappointment

But do you all think that comment was a dig at me also? Like he should be paid for childcare?

I think it was just his way of saying that he wanted a break. It can be hard listening to a chid talking a lot if you aren't used to it.

Fairyliz I don’t know, kids seem to like charismatic but complicated people too! As long as her DC doesn’t pick up on any negativity/ feeling of rejection :( OP whatever your dads intentions, hold fast on how it makes you feel and just make sure your daughter feels ok with him / doesn’t get drawn in to any of his comments

@Bigdisappointment

But do you all think that comment was a dig at me also? Like he should be paid for childcare?

No I dont, I think he's just a bit of a twat, but I can see why you would think that.

When you've had a childhood like yours, you often end up on high on alert for all slights. You can (understandably) end up personalising stuff that should ideally be shrugged off. So I'd advise you to learn to assert some good emotional boundaries with the pair of them.

Learn the art of Not Giving A Fuck, in other words. The world won't end. I promise.

It does sound like he's annoyed at the number of times he's had to entertain your DD. He probably thought he was coming for 3 weeks of no responsibilities and being waited on hand and foot. Instead he has a small child climbing on him and wanting his attention.

It was a joke, but, as they say, many a true word spoken in jest! He is trying to tell you that he needs a break from her continually haranguing him to play with her

I think you're over reacting. I don't really like playing with toddlers, even close family. 45 mins on a hot day on the beach would be way more than I could take!! Your dad had just had enough and he made a joke but with a latent meaning (towards you or your partner) that he wanted a break. He's old, he's done childcare for he own children, he just may not want that kind of role with his grandchildren.

Whilst it's hard to take, no-one loves your kids in the way you will. They will not find them endlessly fascinating or charming!!

@SpindleWhorl It’s true, I am a defensive person, but have worked hard on not being and not around friends etc, only family

@Bigdisappointment

I get what you're saying exactly !

My Dad was the exact opposite of yours, it was my Mother that cba with my kids at all

My parents divorced when I was very little, so I've always had them living separately.

My Dad would spend hours playing and being silly with my kids. We would book holidays together at the same resort, but stayed in separate hotels etc every year, because my Dad and SM absolutely loved spending time with my kids. It didn't matter whether it was me and SM who would take the kids to the pool/shopping/lunch etc, or it was my Dad and H, or any combination of us at all. It was so easy and fun, with no hassles at all ! Everyone chipped in, and everyone had a rest and fun !

Being with my Mother was the bloody opposite ! It felt like we could do nothing right. If the kids were up early, she'd complain and moan, and if they were still up when our evening meal was ready then she couldn't enjoy it because of the kids being noisy ffs !
It honestly didn't matter what/when/how, it was always wrong and a HUGE inconvenience !
If I was on my knees with exhaustion, she'd say ''Well you chose to have them !'' and refused to even watch them for 5 mins for me to go to the toilet ffs !

Needless to say, now they're grown up, my kids don't have a close relationship with my M. But it was all her own doing !

@Thatsjustwhatithink Of course, I totally get that, but I still think the remark was mean and loaded in some way. Petty as it may sound, would it be ok for me to make similar remarks whilst cooking and bringing his dinner to him every night for almost three weeks now. I wasn’t expecting someone to have my child for me, tbh it didn’t even cross my mind, now I honestly don’t feel comfortable with them pretending their forced play with her, rather they didn’t bother.

I also think you're projecting your own feelings on to your daughter. This feels way more like your annoyed at him and using your daughter as a proxy for your own hurt.

@BadNomad Yep, well that could happen in a house with an energetic toddler

@Thatsjustwhatithink Nope, definitely NOT that at all and not something I’d do

He does sound perhaps like he felt "put upon" but after long visits most of us will feel fed up with one another.

Maybe time for some rethinking about future meet ups and how to make them more enjoyable all round. (Certainly shorter would help.)

OP, it obviously would be easier if they would just communicate their issue. Especially with them having planned to come again already. If I was you, if they can't/won't tell you the problem then I would insist if they still want to come back soon for another couple of weeks they need to book a hotel. I think the comment about her dad coming home and playing with her maybe a key to this. Are the other grandkids that they look after the sit quiet and play/watch telly types but (i am presuming but not in a bad way) that her being a full of energy, constantly doing type is too much for them? ie Daddy is home so its his turn to play with you. And as people did say in your last post, stop altering your day to suit them. If they want to decide to land on your doorstep 5 weeks out of 6 no one is going to be happy after 2 long trips. Maybe a chat with your Mum will do it if your Dad won't spill his issue.

@Bigdisappointment are you the same op whose parents got uppity over locking the garden gate?

@goldfinchfan Yes, I remember lots of board games and going out for walks etc, him much more than my mum

I really feel it’s almost a dispute between them both at times as they’ll almost ‘Take it in turns’ to look after/play with her…not much tho! And they’ll sort of pass her (not literally) to the other one. I feel sad for my girl

As in ‘I’ve played with her, now it’s your turn’

Didn’t realise it was so bloody shit to have to spend time with my Dd!

@Thatsjustwhatithink

I think you're over reacting. I don't really like playing with toddlers, even close family. 45 mins on a hot day on the beach would be way more than I could take!! Your dad had just had enough and he made a joke but with a latent meaning (towards you or your partner) that he wanted a break. He's old, he's done childcare for he own children, he just may not want that kind of role with his grandchildren.

Whilst it's hard to take, no-one loves your kids in the way you will. They will not find them endlessly fascinating or charming!!

Where does OP state his age? He could be in his 40's or 50's, which isn't old at all.

Why do so many people insist on making up their own version of the story, ignoring what the OP is actually saying and assuming they know her dad better than she does?

It's quite clear this goes deeper than one comment and OP is hurt by her parents.

Also people need to give it a rest with the babysitting/OP expecting others to look after her child bullshit. She was sat right there. Do you all never allow anyone else to interact with your children for fear of them thinking they're babysitting? Have you never been out for a meal and your child wants to sit with granny or grandad or auntie or uncle? You're still there checking on them, no one is babysitting but the person beside them has the most interaction during that time.

It's quite obvious OP, incorrectly as it transpired, thought her parents were enjoying the time with their grandchild whom they don't see all that often.

@wigjuice That’s me