Wanting a wage for playing with his granddaughter

[Bigdisappointment]

This is what my dad ‘Joked’ well, he wasn’t laughing about today.
Parents come to stay with us, he was playing with toddler Dd, she always wants to play with him. He played for a bit, then stood up and said he was going to the bank to get his wage. Confused, I asked ‘Wage for what?’ He said ‘For this’ meaning playing/looking after Dd,
Aibu to feel hurt that he obviously begrudges spending time with her, I'd rather he didn’t if he didn’t want to.
How involved are your parents with your kids? Feel disappointed in mine a lot.

Yeah that would fuck me off too. I certainly wouldn't be making them anything when I got home. I would most definitely make a comment in return.
You are effectively looking after them a whole lot more than they are doing in return for you and your daughter.
I can't stand this kind of stuff.

I think very differently to my parents

Of course you do, they’re a different generation. I’m sure you think that you’ll endlessly entertain your grandchildren, it’s easy to say now. When you’re 30 years older and have forgotten how full on they are, you may not feel the same.

I’d be the first to admit I’m not great with toddlers, I adore babies and enjoy older children. So I’m a fabulous granny for my younger grandchild and a bit rubbish for the older one at the moment. I expect it will reverse in the next year or two.

45 minutes at the beach is a long time, to be fair. My Dad wouldn't have done that.

[quote Bigdisappointment]@Anonymous48 I didn’t expect it to be easier, it’s always much harder work. I just see it as a horrible comment[/quote]
At one point you said "Just easier when it’s just me & Dd, this is harder work than a break." I assumed you were surprised that it wasn't more of a break for you.

It was kind of a stupid comment, he's probably tired and cranky himself. Like I said, 3 weeks being a guest is hard work, just like hosting guests for 3 weeks is hard work. But I really don't think that one comment in itself is that bad.

Hopefully you can arrange for future visits to be shorter.

@Feedingthebirds1

It sounds like you were expecting that having them there would make your life easier for that period of time

It doesn't sound like that at all. It sounds like she is hurt that her daughter's grandfather, who they see rarely because OP lives abroad, sees interacting with his DGD (who he also therefore sees rarely) as a chore and one he doesn't want to be bothered with.

OP you've said you love your parents, but you might have to take a step back. Have you ever asked them straight why they want to come over and for so long? It clearly isn't to see your DD or at least not on your father's part. What's your mum like when they're with you?

Her saying "Just easier when it’s just me & Dd, this is harder work than a break." is what made me think that.

OP, you're being way over sensitive and written loads of posts about 'the hurtful comment'. I'm afraid it comes across that you're wallowing in it.

@butterpuffed It happened four hours ago and has pissed me off/upset me, yes.

@wigjuice

The poor blokes probably just wants to sit back and relax on the beach, what are you doing whilst you pass over responsibility for her?

Try RTFT - they were all sitting together on the beach, he wasn't looking after her by himself and the OP was right there.

[quote Bigdisappointment]@butterpuffed It happened four hours ago and has pissed me off/upset me, yes.[/quote]
You’ve been posting pretty much constantly for the last three hours. Who’s looking after your daughter?

So OP are you changing anything for the next visit? Which is what - another two weeks after a short break? Because it's just going to be the same, with the added stress of more family on top.

My in laws used to come over from South Africa and stay for 2-3 weeks. They made it very obvious they were “on holiday” and expected to be treated as such. We were a hotel and cafe for them, we also provided chauffeur service. They did not offer to look after ds (their only grandchild).
To be honest I’m thankful they are too old for the flight now.

Only read OP’s posts.

it sounds like a passive aggressive grumpy git comment to me.

Maybe he wanted some toddler free time and he doesn’t have the balls or social skills to say in a kindly way he needs a break (like my parents or grandparents would).

I’m sure your DD is great and gets so much love from you she won’t be affected by his rejection.

@Blossomtoes Are you serious? She was napping

Lots of people don't enjoy playing with children/find it boring; it doesn't mean they don't love them.

next time he says shit like that just say well you won't get rich on what playing pays - otherwise I would have more than two pennies to rub together.

He is being a GOM (Grumpy old man)

Never enjoyed playing with mine as toddlers either.

OP your father sounds like a grouchy git, sorry to say that. NONE of my DCs' grandparents have much to do with her. They have never babysat, never offered, never seem very interested, and certainly (with the exception of my father's partner, to give her credit) would never 'play' with children.
My brother's wife's parents are the total opposite, LOVE having their grandchildren to stay, are always planning cool things to do with them, totally get down to kid level and PLAY with their grandchildren. I'm so jealous!
We just have to accept people for who they are - I have gone very low-contact with DCs' grandparents because of this, it makes life less stressful than hoping they will change and being disappointed at their lack of interest. Good luck OP, just enjoy your DD and your life together.

I think you are right. People say what they mean, on the whole, and you know him well enough to be able to to tell if he meant it or not. He was being passive-aggressive, and trying to pass it off as a "joke" rather than say openly that he didn't want to play with your daughter. So he's a bit of an arse, so what? You probably knew that already, but he's your father so you have to put up with it I guess. I feel your pain, but I'm afraid you're going to have to live with it.

If they stay in a hotel or B&B or AirBnB the next time they visit, if they need peace and quiet, they can retire to their rooms away from you.
If they stay in a hotel/B&B/AirBnB the next time they visit, you can schedule time with them so that they can't complain about spending too much time with your or your DD or your family.
In the meantime, you go downstairs, this is your house, make as much noise as you want/need to and if they need a break they can go to their room.

I would have to say something to my dad if he came out with a comment like that though. I'd do it over dinner and say "Something you said today dad hurt me a lot, when you said you wanted paying after spending some time with your granddaughter. If you're not up to spending any time with her, I think it really would be better if on your next visit, you book into a hotel so you can get the peace and quiet you are looking for as this is my home and my kids will be running around and playing in it and they'll be doing the same at the beach.
The only reason DD was wanting to spend so much time with you is because she doesn't see you that often and loves spending whatever time she can with you. I understand this might be tiresome for you but it is who she is. Remember you're the grandfather. Are you really going to be the one who is stingy with the time you have and look for payment when spending that time with family? If this is supposed to be a family visit, you're visiting my whole family including DD and all her energy.
I want you to know that what you said really hurt me and I would hate for DD to realise that her grandfather saw it as a chore spending time with her. She will when she gets older, and I won't be able to dissuade her from that thought as it's right.
Now, can you please pass me the salt/potatoes/salad/whatever"
Sorry that is so long.

As others have said, he sounds like a grumpy old man. I think you need to say that next time they come over they need to book into a hotel or something else. Fair enough theyre older etc and tired but as youve said dd is in her own home.

If he makes the wage joke again or qny other comment about having to babysit his granddaughter, offer to drop him off at a hotel as it must be too much for him staying in dgds house.

Yanbu.

[quote Bigdisappointment]@Blossomtoes Are you serious? She was napping[/quote]
For three hours? You’re in for a sleepless night then.

Honestly, I would find 45 minutes of playing with a toddler tedious. I love my own very much but playing with anyone else’s is a bit much. He was clearly joking about the wage but had gotten riled up and fed up of playing with her and expected you to distract her and pull her away from him.

It would be great to have parents who loved spending time with DC, my MIL is amazing and would spend 5 hours straight with my DD, playing and entertaining her. My parents not so much, they love her but aren’t those sort of people.

Now you know how he feels it’s just one to keep in mind I’m the future.

@blossomtoes, ah c'mon. That's just putting the boot in to OP who is feeling like shot because of second hand disappointment. No need for it. OP, it might be worth heading to the statelyhomes thread on relationships board wherr there arr ppl who've bean through similar dynamics.

What was the gate issue? Can you point me in the direction of that thread please?

OP really tell your parents to book a hotel, they’re coming back again very soon aren’t they?

Tell them to book a hotel as it’s clearly very tiring for them to be around your DD & you’ll meet up with them if they like and you’re able to.

You know they’re behave like this and now they’re being snarky about your DD, why allow them to impose on your home and family like this repeatedly for vast lengths of time?