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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what you would think here?

107 replies

LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 11:29

Neighbour looked after the cats for us while we were away last week. She was there Monday-Thursday.
On Sunday, I noticed my old laptop had looked like it had been knocked about and also I think some jewellery had gone missing.
Grandkids said it was not them and so I got DP to go and chat to neighbour just to see if she could shed any light. First he asked if she managed to lock the double doors to the conservatory which she said she had and that that always did a check before she left the house. Then he asked if she knew about what had happened to the laptop and she said she didn't and hadn't touched it. She said it was not her and DP said she seemed upset and he said he was not accusing her.
She's now given the spare key back and said she doesn't feel comfortable cat sitting for us anymore, given what's going on. Aibu to ask if we handled this right?

OP posts:
cookiesandcreamm · 27/07/2021 11:31

Basically went round to accuse her.
I would also be upset.

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 11:33

No. He made it very clear he was not accussing her and said that to her. We just want to find out what's happened

OP posts:
Datingandnoideahowto · 27/07/2021 11:35

I’d take that as accusing me too. I’d have given your key back too.

DancesWithTortoises · 27/07/2021 11:36

I'd look to the grandkids before the neighbour.

MrsN100 · 27/07/2021 11:38

I would also look to the grandkids and not her. Basically accused her, I would be very upset as well. How would she know where the jewelry were placed?

MrsN100 · 27/07/2021 11:39

jewellery

Namechangeforthisquestion7 · 27/07/2021 11:39

Asking someone if they know what happened to something is the same as accusing them. You have handled it badly.

cookiesandcreamm · 27/07/2021 11:39

Saying to someone your not accusing them is to make yourself feel better not the person getting questioned.

Clangerschick1 · 27/07/2021 11:40

If someone stood there asking that and specifically saying ‘I’m not accusing you’ then I’d immediately think they are accusing me and give the key back aswell

ApolloandDaphne · 27/07/2021 11:41

It does sound like he was accusing her. You say the jewellery 'might' be missing - it either is or it isn't. Surely you need to be certain about this?

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 11:41

How was we meant to handle it then?

OP posts:
Skyeheather · 27/07/2021 11:41

How old are the grandchildren? Did they have access to your house while you were away?

Datingandnoideahowto · 27/07/2021 11:41

Well. Find out whether or not the jewellery actually is missing would be a start.

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 11:44

Yes they did as they came in with my daughter but only briefly and DD said she was only in the house a while. This was on Friday. She doesn't remember leaving the kids alone either.
It was with the oldest who are 8 and 9. They both say they haven't touched anything and I believe them.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 27/07/2021 11:44

@LemonSherbetFancies

How was we meant to handle it then?
Check for certain if the jewellery is missing. Also what do you mean by the laptop was 'knocked about'?
MrsN100 · 27/07/2021 11:47

Where was the jewellery? Was the area around it knocked about as well? As if someone knew where it was, so not a big mess or someone roughly looking for anything to steal which is a bigger mess?

Skyeheather · 27/07/2021 11:49

Is the jewellery definitely missing?

Is there any chance one of the GC knocked the laptop without Mum noticing and they put it back without saying anything. My five year has broken a couple of things, brushed the bits aside and then denied all knowledge so he wouldn't get into trouble...

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 11:50

The side of the laptop looked bashed in. It is very old but pretty sure it was not like that before. The area itself didn't look messy.
I keep the jewellery upstairs.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 11:51

Both kids have promised they have not done it or gone through my jewellery box. I do believe them.

OP posts:
Datingandnoideahowto · 27/07/2021 11:51

But the kids could very easily have done that

What didn’t you check of the jewellery was definitely missing before you sent your husband round to your cat sitter?

Datingandnoideahowto · 27/07/2021 11:52

*why

cookiesandcreamm · 27/07/2021 11:59

Your pretty sure about it all which tbh isn't any good.
You either have jewellery missing or don't,
Your laptop was scuffed before or it wasn't.

LittleMissGossip · 27/07/2021 11:59

As others have said, I would check the jewellery is missing for sure.
I know you said the grandkids were with their mother, but I'm assuming they weren't with her (at her side) the whole time. Maybe when they went upstairs as mum checked other rooms there popped into your room, moved things around?

Hope you find the jewellery and manage to apologise to neighbour Smile

Wjevtvha · 27/07/2021 12:02

As soon as you said something to her it was going to seem like you were accusing her; I wouldn’t have said anything to her but if I genuinely thought something had happened amd that she hadn’t told me then I’d not ask her to feed cats again

MrsN100 · 27/07/2021 12:03

So was your jewellery box in plain sight or a drawer?