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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what you would think here?

107 replies

LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 11:29

Neighbour looked after the cats for us while we were away last week. She was there Monday-Thursday.
On Sunday, I noticed my old laptop had looked like it had been knocked about and also I think some jewellery had gone missing.
Grandkids said it was not them and so I got DP to go and chat to neighbour just to see if she could shed any light. First he asked if she managed to lock the double doors to the conservatory which she said she had and that that always did a check before she left the house. Then he asked if she knew about what had happened to the laptop and she said she didn't and hadn't touched it. She said it was not her and DP said she seemed upset and he said he was not accusing her.
She's now given the spare key back and said she doesn't feel comfortable cat sitting for us anymore, given what's going on. Aibu to ask if we handled this right?

OP posts:
Hadtocomment · 27/07/2021 16:01

This thread is bizarre. If you can't tell anything is missing why are you thinking it is. If things have been moved about and you know the family were in then so what? And you don't even seem to know if the laptop was scuffed or not to begin with. It's really strange behaviour to suspect a burglary and go around appearing very suspicious of the neighbour about something you seem to have no idea if there's any substance to in the first place. It's almost as though you've just decided things aren't just so therefore something might have been taken that you've no idea about. What on earth would police say to that? Poor neighbour. Not just handled badly just no need or justification as far as I can see.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 27/07/2021 16:45

OP. Why did you DD need to go into your house while you were away?

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/07/2021 16:49

I don’t think anyone is saying all children are ‘lying little bastards’ at all. I’m just curious as to why the children are believed and the neighbour is not.

But you could easily flip that point and say ‘Why is the neighbour believed, but not the children?’

Also, the OP has clearly asked the children - why was it okay to ask them, but not the neighbour? The big mistake here was asking anyone before being absolutely certain the jewellery was missing.

QueenBee52 · 27/07/2021 16:53

Someone has stolen the Jewellery etc ...

contact the Police and report the Thefts..

then Claim on your insurance.. 🌸

there might be issues though with so many people having access to the house 🤔

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 27/07/2021 17:00

You are of course right woman
Of course it could be flipped.

But OP has made it clear that she believes the honest grandchildren (that she also chose to ask if they’d done anything - hardly demonstrating trust because honest grandchildren would have admitted it right away) and not the neighbour.

I only asked why believe one without believing the other. Something must have made them doubt the neighbour’s honesty or their ability to leave their house secure.

But like you say both will be owed a pretty big apology if the jewels turn up and it is remembered that the old lap top was dropped two weeks ago Tuesday.

Zilla1 · 27/07/2021 17:06

Agree with PPs but have you turned on the laptop if it still works and seen the most recent browser search history?

MirandaMarple · 27/07/2021 17:08

Could the cats have knocked your lap top about?

AryaStarkWolf · 27/07/2021 17:09

I'd have handed back your keys as well tbh

Whyo · 27/07/2021 17:27

How can you think jewellery is missing either it is or it isn’t Confused

Burglars don’t tend to come in and rough up a laptop either, which you again later admit you don’t know if it’s always been like that.

Dp you have a memory issue that’s complicating this? Because I certainly wouldn’t be getting my husband to go interview people because I think I’ve lost some jewellery, and I think my laptops been scuffed. You sound a little paranoid and I’d would be making absolutely certain about both aspects before accusing.

KatherineJaneway · 27/07/2021 17:40

As I said, DP made it very clear that he was not accussing her. Just wanted to know if she could shed any light.

Same thing. Just by asking you accused her.

moynomore · 27/07/2021 17:44

I can't believe this. You don't even know if the jewellery is missing. What even is the jewellery you "think" may be missing? I would throw your keys in your face and tell you where to go.

CounsellorTroi · 27/07/2021 17:52

It's incredible that anyone would do this - accuse someone of a crime without any real evidence that a crime has been committed.

Fluffyowl00 · 27/07/2021 17:54

I wouldn’t worry about it any more to be honest. Because your neighbour is NEVER going to talk to you or do you a favour
again! (And if she tells any of your other neighbours I would imagine they will all be giving you a wide berth too!)

RealBecca · 27/07/2021 17:57

Handled badly. You need to know, KNOW, if something has been damaged or stolen. At that point you could have phoned police or spoken to your neighbour, told her something WAS damaged/stolen and you want to rule out a genuine accident before repprting to police and wpuld she be happy to give a supporting statement about what she remembers so they can start an investigation and you can raise an insurance claim.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 27/07/2021 17:57

"I'm not accusing you, but "

I'd have given the keys back too. And no matter how non-accusatory you claim your DH was, he clearly made her feel she was under suspicion. You've handled this badly, OP.

Sonarl · 27/07/2021 17:57

@LemonSherbetFancies

The side of the laptop looked bashed in. It is very old but pretty sure it was not like that before. The area itself didn't look messy. I keep the jewellery upstairs.
Absolutely PSML that the OP cant even be sure if the old, battered laptop is actually a bit more battered or not! (and so what, if it's that hard to tell?!)

Similarly OP only THINKS some jewellery has gone missing.

It absolutely astounds me that there are people like this out there.

sunshineandshowers21 · 27/07/2021 18:19

i wouldn’t be so naive to think children wouldn’t steal. i looked after my cousins aged 8 and 10 as a favour, and found when they’d gone that a necklace and a pair of diamond earrings had gone missing. cue lots of crying and denying - until i made a show of calling the police and they immediately handed the jewellery back. you’ve handled this completely wrong, op. you need to be completely 100% sure that something is missing before you start accusing people of stealing. and i know you say your husband didn’t accuse, but going to someone’s house and saying something is missing and they were the only person with access is obviously going to be seen as an accusation.

FlibbertyGiblets · 27/07/2021 18:29

What items of jewellery are missing? Did your husband peer at her ear lobes closely?

Bit puzzled by not being absolutely confident stuff is missing before trotting off to j'accuse the cat sitter...

FictionalCharacter · 27/07/2021 18:43

Just in case you come back, OP - once again, why were your DD and her kids in the house if the neighbour was looking after the cat?

Chloemol · 27/07/2021 18:49

Sorry but if I was your neighbour I would be handing the key back, and letting other neighbours know not to take it and help you.

You don’t know if the laptop was bashed or not, as to the jewellery why would anyone other than family go rooting around upstairs

mantlepiece · 27/07/2021 18:59

My mother was terrible for this.
Every year I would agree to go over to her house and see to the cats and post etc.
Every year she would notice something was missing. Usually quite trivial things but it was plain she thought I had taken them
Don’t know why I kept doing it every year!

Oh said stolen items always turned up but she never ever apologised or changed her ways.

OP from the way you have worded your post, I am reminded very much of my mother 😂

FastFood · 27/07/2021 19:09

Si basically you don't know wether the jewerly is missing or whether the laptop has been knocked over.

But you went to see your neighbour and asked her to shed some light (ie. accusing her) over something you don't even know has happened.

I don't think you'll have a career as an investigator OP, sorry to break the news.

walchesterweasel · 27/07/2021 19:32

This happened to me, had neighbour's key whilst they went on holiday. When they came back missing jewellery. They told me of the loss, obviously saying they didn't think for a moment it was me . I said to call the police , wanted to clear myself as felt pretty rubbish as I was the only person who had access to the house. We remained friendly but I always felt under suspicion. A few months later the neighbour told me she remembered where she had hidden the jewellery for safe keeping , not missing at all !

Looubylou · 27/07/2021 20:44

I don't think OP is coming back - hopefully she has gone to neighbours house with grovelling apologies. Poor neighbour, I would be very upset.

LolaButt · 27/07/2021 21:18

I just want to know if the jewellery is actually missing, dammit!

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