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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what you would think here?

107 replies

LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 11:29

Neighbour looked after the cats for us while we were away last week. She was there Monday-Thursday.
On Sunday, I noticed my old laptop had looked like it had been knocked about and also I think some jewellery had gone missing.
Grandkids said it was not them and so I got DP to go and chat to neighbour just to see if she could shed any light. First he asked if she managed to lock the double doors to the conservatory which she said she had and that that always did a check before she left the house. Then he asked if she knew about what had happened to the laptop and she said she didn't and hadn't touched it. She said it was not her and DP said she seemed upset and he said he was not accusing her.
She's now given the spare key back and said she doesn't feel comfortable cat sitting for us anymore, given what's going on. Aibu to ask if we handled this right?

OP posts:

MiaRoma · 27/07/2021 12:04

If its not the children or your daughter then who else can it be?

You obviously think its the neighbour.

So it's a good thing for you that she's handed the key back

Perhaps you should change the lock in case she's copied the key? 🤣

I honestly don't know why people give keys to neighbours and then doubt them the minute something happens 🙄

MrsN100 · 27/07/2021 12:08

Has the neighbour ever cat sit before?

FrankButchersDickieBow · 27/07/2021 12:09

If you thought she was the type of person who would steal from you whilst doing you a massive favour, why did you give her your key?

I remember going on holiday in my younger days with friends and we got back to the apartment and thought we had been burgled. We hadn't, but we refused to believe we could have left the place such a shit tip, but on reflection, we actually had.

Is it actually possible the laptop was scuffed before?

MistyGreenAndBlue · 27/07/2021 12:13

Maybe it was the cats

Thieving little vandals, cats

JustAnotherOpinion21 · 27/07/2021 12:14

So you believe two children over your neighbour? You -think- the jewellery has gone missing, you're not 100%?
Sounds like you've tried to subtly accuse your neighbour and I wouldn't be expecting them to do you any more favours any time soon.

pinkcircustop · 27/07/2021 12:14

Yeah, you handled it badly and accused her.

Of course your grandkids will swear blind it wasn’t them

IonaLeg · 27/07/2021 12:19

I don’t think your cat sitting arrangement could have continued tbh - you would always be a bit suspicious of her, and she would always be anxious that she would be blamed if anything went missing.

Aprilx · 27/07/2021 12:23

Of course you handled it badly! Asking somebody about it I’d the same as accusing them and you did this without even bothering to find out if jewellery was missing or not.

To be honest I wouldn’t have said anything without proof, I’d have chalked it down to experience and if I had suspicions then I wouldn’t ask them to feed the cats again.

Aprilx · 27/07/2021 12:24

*is the same

icedcoffees · 27/07/2021 12:25

I think you handled it poorly. I'm a cat sitter (as part of my business) and if a client came round to speak to me like that, I would hand the key back as well. You've basically called her a thief.

It is far, far more likely to be two kids messing around than it is to be a trusted, adult neighbour.

You should have looked at whether the jewellery was actually missing before accusing anyone. The laptop being knocked about could easily have been one of the cats, too. Unless it was broken, why even mention it?

I think you owe your neighbour a big apology, frankly. She won't be doing anymore favours for you again!

Bettysnow · 27/07/2021 12:28

I would be very surprised if she did take jewellery as she would know that you would know it was her who took it. Also your partner asking her did she lock the doors properly actually provided her with a perfect excuse as to what had happened. Had she been guilty i imagine she would have said they weren't as this would have absolved her personally.
I know the children are saying they didn't touch the laptop but ultimately the best of kids tell lies when scared of getting into trouble.
Could the cat have knocked the laptop over and perhaps the jewellery be elsewhere in the house?
I think you should go and ser her just to reiterate that you aren't accusing her and to try and smooth things out. She must be mortified if shes innocent and you may never find out what happened

Original poster

LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 12:30

As I said, DP made it very clear that he was not accussing her. Just wanted to know if she could shed any light. We're wondering if it was a burglary and DP said this to the neighbour who said it was unlikely.
If we really thought she had done it, we would have taken the key off of her. But we did not, we decided to do so. That in itself should show we trust her.

The jewellery was upstairs, in a box. Quite plain sight.

OP posts:

MrsN100 · 27/07/2021 12:33

Bettysnow made good points. It would be pretty obvious as she had the key, so why would she.? Also your dp gave her an out, about locking the doors. I'm pretty sure it was your gc. I say this as this has happened in a family members home and they accused the cleaner when it turned out the be one of their own siblings.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 27/07/2021 12:34

Why did your daughter need to go into the house whilst you were away when your neighbour was going in to see the cats?
Your DD knew the neighbour had access too so would be the obvious person to blame if anything had gone missing...

icedcoffees · 27/07/2021 12:34

In the nicest way, how do you think that sounds to her? Your DP may have said he wasn't accusing her, but that won't be how it feels to her.

If we really thought she had done it, we would have taken the key off of her. But we did not, we decided to do so. That in itself should show we trust her.

But you could easily have let her keep the key and change the locks. The fact that you went right over there (to essentially accuse her of theft) will have really upset her.

Yes, I know you say you weren't accusing her but that's how it would have made her feel.

Aprilx · 27/07/2021 12:36

@LemonSherbetFancies

As I said, DP made it very clear that he was not accussing her. Just wanted to know if she could shed any light. We're wondering if it was a burglary and DP said this to the neighbour who said it was unlikely. If we really thought she had done it, we would have taken the key off of her. But we did not, we decided to do so. That in itself should show we trust her.

The jewellery was upstairs, in a box. Quite plain sight.

We all read that “he made it very clear” the first time. It doesn’t matter what he said, asking is accusing in this scenario. It’s like “I don’t mean to be cheeky but….” and then being very cheeky, saying that you are not up front does not change it.

veeeeh · 27/07/2021 12:38

Rehome the cat.

Original poster

LemonSherbetFancies · 27/07/2021 12:38

DP did it in the nicest way he could. He said he was not accusing her as I have said several timed but that we were both concerned. More as to whether it was a burglary rather than her.
We wouldn't go to the effort of letting her keep a key and changing the locks on the quiet.

OP posts:

suspiria777 · 27/07/2021 12:38

@Noshowwithoutpunch

Why did your daughter need to go into the house whilst you were away when your neighbour was going in to see the cats? Your DD knew the neighbour had access too so would be the obvious person to blame if anything had gone missing...

thiiiiiiiiiis!!

Nicknacky · 27/07/2021 12:39

Is the jewellery missing or not?

icedcoffees · 27/07/2021 12:44

But you don't even know for sure that the jewellery is missing, so your DP didn't need to go round there at all.

I would speak to your daughter and grandkids again and check that the jewellery was not left elsewhere - on a bedside table or a dresser instead of the jewellery box.

A laptop being knocked/moved wouldn't even cross my mind - cats knock things over all the time, or your grandkids could easily have knocked it while playing or mucking about it, and just not wanted to admit it in case they get in trouble.

ImitationofBeing · 27/07/2021 12:47

You might think you are not sounding like you are accusing them but it would make me feel you are suspicious of me and that's a horrid feeling.

I wouldn't be feeding your cats etc again because I would not feel comfortable. So think the neighbour handing the key back is understandable.

I think you need a further look to see if anything else missing and consider the police

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 27/07/2021 12:47

I think some jewellery had gone missing

How would you not know? *
*
Also, who is to say your DGC are telling the truth re the old laptop?

You have both upset her. You should take flowers/chocolates round and apologize profusely.She was doing you a favour. You sound off.

MasterPretender · 27/07/2021 12:55

Again, is there jewellery missing or not?

You still haven't answered that question.

daphnedoo12 · 27/07/2021 12:58

I'd be furious if I did someone a favour and they accused me of this.

Did anyone else have access to the house?

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