Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH Cross with DM for something that hasn't happened yet

140 replies

Redbluegold · 26/07/2021 22:55

Two DC 3 and 1.5. Neither sleeps through the night. Dh and I have booked a night in a hotel in our city in a couple of weeks, my DM said she'd watch our DC overnight. Arrangement is she'll do their dinner, bedtime etc then watch them the next day and we'll be home mid afternoon.

Chatting to DM today. She was asking about bedtime routine etc. Asked what to do of both girls wake up. I told her what I'd do. She said, v light heartedly, that she might call us to come home if she gets no sleep. Highly unlikely but also totally reasonable, I think.

Relayed this to DH. He stormed off in a huff saying my DM shouldn't have agreed to have them overnight if she can't keep her promise. Gone off to sleep in the spare room.

Who's BU? DM for saying she might need us to come back (v off the cuff comment, not like she'll call at 10pm because they're not asleep, she meant more like call at 11am the next morning). Or DH for storming off in a huff, thinking the weekend has been already?

OP posts:
Gregwiggle · 26/07/2021 23:30

Just read the bit about DH sleeping in the spare room. He's definitely the one being unreasonable!

seashells11 · 26/07/2021 23:35

Well I'm a nana and I've let my kids go off for little breaks many a time. There's no way I'd spoil it for them by saying that. They have busy stressful lives and I like to take a bit of pressure off them when I can.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 26/07/2021 23:35

Well your DH is being an arse but I don't think he's BU to be pissed off, becuase it'll be harder to just have a good time if you think you might get called home instead of a lie in and a leisurely drive back after a good night. I think if you agree to babysit you should do just that and only ring the mum or dad if something serious happens. Not just because they kept you up. By making a comment like that, unless it was a total joke and she wouldn't seriously ring you to come home even if they dont sleep, it sounds like your DM doesn't really want to have them for that long but doesn't want to say it.

Hodan85 · 26/07/2021 23:35

Maybe a bit misguided by DM, but barely. Understand where DH coming from, but massive overreaction!!

Gazelda · 26/07/2021 23:39

If your DM said it lightheartedly, and you are 100% certain she wouldn't do it, you shouldn't have said anything to DH because he obviously took it seriously.
If you suspect she might do it, then she is the unreasonable one.
Your DH has over reacted, albeit provoked.

Shame the outing is being overshadowed by a silly comment.

NoSquirrels · 26/07/2021 23:47

Why did you even say that to him?

What did you say to your mum when she said it?
“sure Mum, call at 3am and I’ll be right back.”

It sounds to me like there’s more to it - history of your mum being flaky, you not being 100% up for being away from them, whatever.

Because on the face of it, your mum should be able to cope with less than 24 hours if she’s offered.

If you’ve pressured her into it though…

What’s the backstory?

GNCQ · 26/07/2021 23:49

It was a Joke though right?

No need to go huff off over a joke.

GNCQ · 26/07/2021 23:51

Maybe you re-told the joke a bit too seriously...

Totallydefeated · 26/07/2021 23:51

But why is your DH pissed off with you such that he storms off to the spare room? One thing to be pissed off with your mum, but not sure why he's punishing you for what she said?

EKGEMS · 26/07/2021 23:51

I do hope your husband will be weaned and potty trained soon (He sounds like a two year old,three at the maximum!!!)

toocold54 · 26/07/2021 23:53

Why has he gone off to sleep in the other room!! Talk about OTT!! Surely he’s not annoyed with you??!!

I would be secretly a bit gutted that I had to come home early but I’d be very glad my mum was honest and said she couldn’t cope rather than struggling and my children being upset and unsettled. It’s a very slim chance that will happen as it’s only one night and most people muddle through, she is just checking if she can’t cope is it ok to call you and both of your replies should be yes absolutely and thank you for offering in the first place.

QueenBee52 · 26/07/2021 23:53

So... he's frustrated that you both cannot relax and have a glass of wine incase your DM calls for you to come home... Confused

It's certainly a dampener on your night away... but him sleeping in the spare room is hardly the solution 😳

HamsterHelp · 26/07/2021 23:58

His reaction is clearly OTT but I get why he’s annoyed.

My in-laws took our kids overnight (a very rare occurrence!) just before the pandemic, when we were going to a wedding. When we arrived all dressed up to drop them off MIL said “oh you need to be back for 9 tomorrow, we’re going out”

9am?! Basically meant I couldn’t really drink much because I knew I’d have to drive so early (in Scotland so doesn’t take much to be over the limit). Took the shine off a rare child-free outing I must admit.

Saoirse82 · 27/07/2021 00:02

I think they were both being a bit unreasonable. DM shouldn't have made that remark in the first place and DH shouldn't have behaved like that in response to the comment.

WaitinginVain · 27/07/2021 00:09

Do you have plenty of other people offering to look after your DC overnight or is your DM doing you a favour? Would you be able to go otherwise? Your DH should have a think about this.
I can't see the problem with you relaying her comment to him. He is definitely being unreasonable.

JacquelineCarlyle · 27/07/2021 00:19

@CrocodilesCry

I'd be annoyed she said that TBH. It sounds like you need a break, and you and your DH need to know she's not going to make you come home if the kids don't settle. I'd find someone else to look after them.
I agree with this. Don't agree with your DH having a tantrum but would likely feel the time away was ruined by an extent with her comment.
GertietheGherkin · 27/07/2021 00:24

I can see why your DH is so upset. You've obviously planned this break away, and he's probably really looking forward to you and he spending some quality time together. He obviously would like to relax with you and have a break.

Your DM has basically put a huge dampener on the break now. Often the truth is said in jest. I don't think you'll enjoy the break now as you'll both be checking phones and be on edge waiting to see if your DM calls.

Did you ask her to look after the kids, and put her on the spot? Or did she say you'd both benefit from a break, and she'd watch the kids?

If you landed it on her, it sounds very much like she agreed under duress.

I'd cancel the break, as it's going to blow up one way or the other.

sadie9 · 27/07/2021 00:26

The real issue is that he is punishing you now and you are allowing him to do that.
He hates the fact that your mother controls you because he likes to be in control.
You are being punished because he's furious with YOU that you don't stand up to your mother. I bet he's as nice as pie to her face and she thinks the sun shines out of his arse. You've 3 kids not two. Oh well.

goose1964 · 27/07/2021 00:32

TBH that's the sort of thing I'd say to DD but I'd really have no intention in doing it.

Erwhatno · 27/07/2021 00:33

I can see why he’s upset, tbh. She shouldn’t have agreed to have them knowing they don’t sleep through if she’s not up to it.
When you’ve been a sleep deprived parent for years, and think you’ve a chance of unbroken rest - and then it’s snatched away? You could weep

Yes, yes I’ve been there Grin

SorryWoman · 27/07/2021 01:26

Your mum sounds like a PITA, sorry!

Aquamarine1029 · 27/07/2021 01:59

I can see your husband being irritated, but storming off to the spare room is ridiculous and unacceptable. He is always such a pathetic twat?

1forAll74 · 27/07/2021 02:41

What a palaver over this.. Just go and enjoy a night away, and leave your Mum to look after your children, I am sure she is capable enough,whether the children are iffy about going to sleep or not. If they are used to your Mum, there should be no big problems.. I am sure she wouldn't be calling you to come home, unless some emergency arises.

Your partner needs to lighten up about little comments that have been made, man up ,as the saying goes.

CheshireDing · 27/07/2021 03:12

I am with your DH on this one, although maybe not the bit about him sleeping in the spare room.

As others have said
You need a clear answer from your mum as to whether she will be calling
DC need to not be waking up multiple times a night

My 5 year old has never slept at grandparents and my older 2 only once. I would need to feel very sure they slept through before inflicting the horrors of broken sleep on someone!

Keeva2017 · 27/07/2021 03:33

Tbh a night away in the midst of a no sleeping phase with the kids can feel like a lifeline. I don’t think your dh even overreacted. Agree with a pp many a truths are disguised as a joke and you dh has probably picked up on that vibe. You are unreasonable for telling dh if you are sure it’s not going to happen and your dm is being unfair for even joking never mind if she’s serious.