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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if a vasectomy is really that bad?

134 replies

DrSeuss · 26/07/2021 19:16

I suspect it is painful and somewhat embarrassing. I should add, it isn’t DH who is making a fuss or playing the victim, he finds the leaflet we have been given as sill as I do. I just want to check that it’s usually pretty straightforward. If you tell me it’s really awful I will take care of him, I promise!
The leaflet says no driving for 48 hours, no lifting heavy things for a week. It seems to suggest that it will be very traumatic.

I have had two children, both pretty easy births but still involving pushing a human out of my fanny while already feeling shit through nine months of working as a teacher while pregnant. As is the modern way, much to my mother’s surprise, I was then expected to look after the baby completely until discharged 24 hrs later. I had it far easier than some and vividly remember seeing a woman stagger down the corridor in the maternity ward with a wheel cot in one hand and a drip stand for her blood transfusion in the other. With baby number 2, I was home a few hour after the birth. The following day I did two loads of washing and the day after that I took my son to school then drove myself and the baby to the supermarket. My husband had to work and we have no family nearby to help. I just had to get on with it. I imagine many women do something similar.
A part of me finds the vasectomy booklet hilarious but another part is annoyed that it suggests men need gentle handling while I and many others just had to crack on.
If you say I am being unfair and that he will be incapacitated then fair enough, he can sit around with an ice pack on his nads or whatever!

OP posts:
SometimesIFeedTheSparrows · 26/07/2021 19:19

DH walked home from his on the Saturday morning Grin And was back at work - office based - on Monday morning.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2021 19:19

It seems to suggest that it will be very traumatic

It does? Confused

I've known loads of men who've had it done, and they were perfectly fine. A bit of soreness for a day or two and then they were fine. Your husband will be fine.

Pantene23 · 26/07/2021 19:20

My ex had one. He often works through horrendous illness and injury but his vasectomy floored him. He was in agony for about a week. That said, he never expected me just to get on with it after having our kids. With my first I felt broken for weeks and he did everything he could to help me. With the second I had PGP and he did everything prior to the birth. Afterwards I felt great so didn’t need that.

So that’s my personal experience. However in general, I totally agree with you. The expectation that women should just get on with it and men need to be coddled is ridiculous but pervasive!

user1471538283 · 26/07/2021 19:20

My DF had one a couple decades ago and he was fine. We picked him up for lunch afterwards. He was a bit sore but just got on with it.

DismantledKing · 26/07/2021 19:21

I had one a few years ago. Mostly ok, but I did suffer from chronic pain on one side for about 3 years afterwards. It seems to have settled now.

scaevola · 26/07/2021 19:22

I completely agree that it is wrong to compare vasectomy and its aftercare to that of other procedures.

It's procedure with 10% chance of the serious side effects (those which last over 3 months or which require further surgery to corrcect) in some men PVPS proves untreatable, with even de-nervation being ineffective

Crowsaregreat · 26/07/2021 19:23

I mean, for women to rest then maternity services would have to be funded adequately and that's unthinkable!

GetTaeFuck · 26/07/2021 19:24

My Dad one, and only once dared to complain about being sore, to my sister, who said “You do remember me coming out arse first, right?”

I fucking howled Grin

dementedpixie · 26/07/2021 19:25

Dh was back playing football within a few days of his.

Theunamedcat · 26/07/2021 19:25

My ex mil bought her son home after his and told me he WASN'T TO MOVE AT ALL she said I would need to help him to the toilet and to bed I was 8 months pregnant at the time I said he can go home with you then im not doing it her husband (who had one years prior) said he would be fine he isnt dying its minor surgery bloody hell 🤣

MrsMonkeyBear · 26/07/2021 19:26

DH had his about 2 years ago. He was a bit uncomfortable for a couple of days but stuck to the instructions of no heavy lifting for a week but that was more because it hurt to bend down to pick stuff up.

He was off work for 3 days but then went back with no issues.

ExtraOnions · 26/07/2021 19:26

My Husband had one … sailed through it. He had a sick note for a week, but had hardly any problems, just a bit of light bruising.
He put it down to opting for a local anaesthetic… he said that it made them “more careful” because he was awake ….lol

worriedatthemoment · 26/07/2021 19:29

Isn't it one of those things thats just different for everyone and like many ops some have no issues others do, I had a hysterectomy and then had complications so was 6 months of pain and issues instead of weeks , but then others have and are better in weeks.

romany4 · 26/07/2021 19:30

My DH had the snip at 28 and the birth of our 2nd child.
Was bruised and a bit painful for a couple of days then absolutely fine.
No.lasting effects.
He's now 51. It's been lovely not having to worry about contraception for the last 23 years

Wjevtvha · 26/07/2021 19:31

I think comparing anything to what you’re expected to do after childbirth makes it look ridiculous so you can’t really compare it. I’ve had more rest after any and all of the minor procedures I’ve had compared to childbirth

Gladimnotcampinginthisweather · 26/07/2021 19:31

I knew someone who was back at work on the Monday after his op on the Friday, but my DH (who was a real wuss about pain) felt bad for about a week. As I was seven months pregnant and still teaching full time I just let him get on with it.Grin

IncludeWomenInThePrequel · 26/07/2021 19:32

DH got his done then we parked the car in town and went for a pub lunch.

He took the next day off work but he said he could have gone back if he'd had to.

Rosebel · 26/07/2021 19:33

My husband had one earlier this year and had a week off work but it's a very manual job and he probably would have gone back earlier otherwise.
He said after 72 hours it was okay. He looked bloody awful when I picked him up mind you.

IWishIWasABaller · 26/07/2021 19:34

I know loads if men who have had it done and they have gone back to work either the same day or within a day or two if doing physical work. Most have described it as uncomfortable, my own husband said it was a sharp pinch and that was that. He was perfectly fine afterwards and we actually did the deed a few hours later Blush

SuddenArborealStop · 26/07/2021 19:35

I think even if it's not too bad it shouldn't be a race to the bottom for not letting yourself recover from surgery.
Yes you looked after the baby straight away but let's be honest your hormones wouldn't have allowed any other option.

FixTheBone · 26/07/2021 19:38

I had mine done under Local Anaesthetic about 3 years ago.

Procedure was fine (bit achy for a week), wore 2 pairs of tight briefs to control the swelling as I was back hammering at broken pelvises the next day.

Still get intermittant aches radiating up to my right kidney - like a mild version of being kicked in the nuts, but tolerable.

8/10, would cautiously reccommend.

DramaAlpaca · 26/07/2021 19:38

DH had his 23 years ago, after our third child. Had it Friday morning, was back to work on Monday. No side effects other than a bit of bruising.

takeaflight · 26/07/2021 19:41

Just so you know, I am a man !
I have had it, it’s no big deal, walked out, back at work, no pain awake through out the op which was only minutes.

gogohm · 26/07/2021 19:42

Exh drove himself on a Saturday and played cricket on the Sunday.

quitecrunchy · 26/07/2021 19:42

When DH had his he was back at work the next day but quite sore for maybe a week or so and very bruised (I was surprised at the extent of it) for maybe 3 weeks after. I don't think it would've been a good idea for him to lift the kids in those first few days.

He was quite happy to accept this as being a very temporary hardship in comparison to carrying for 9 months then pushing out 2 children but I don't think there's any value in minimising it or for a bloke to risk hurting himself afterwards because the idea of any level of post-operative recovery seems 'silly'.