To ask if a vasectomy is really that bad?

[DrSeuss]

I suspect it is painful and somewhat embarrassing. I should add, it isn’t DH who is making a fuss or playing the victim, he finds the leaflet we have been given as sill as I do. I just want to check that it’s usually pretty straightforward. If you tell me it’s really awful I will take care of him, I promise!
The leaflet says no driving for 48 hours, no lifting heavy things for a week. It seems to suggest that it will be very traumatic.

I have had two children, both pretty easy births but still involving pushing a human out of my fanny while already feeling shit through nine months of working as a teacher while pregnant. As is the modern way, much to my mother’s surprise, I was then expected to look after the baby completely until discharged 24 hrs later. I had it far easier than some and vividly remember seeing a woman stagger down the corridor in the maternity ward with a wheel cot in one hand and a drip stand for her blood transfusion in the other. With baby number 2, I was home a few hour after the birth. The following day I did two loads of washing and the day after that I took my son to school then drove myself and the baby to the supermarket. My husband had to work and we have no family nearby to help. I just had to get on with it. I imagine many women do something similar.
A part of me finds the vasectomy booklet hilarious but another part is annoyed that it suggests men need gentle handling while I and many others just had to crack on.
If you say I am being unfair and that he will be incapacitated then fair enough, he can sit around with an ice pack on his nads or whatever!

Mine drove himself home after he'd had it done. It was tender but oh so worth it.

DH had no problems - I dropped him off at the family planning clinic, he had the procedure which did hurt a bit, and then I picked him up. A bit of tenderness for a couple of days, but that was it really. Nothing in comparison to what women go through giving birth and birth control is now very easy and straightforward - brilliant!

Definitely no comparison with childbirth!! Not even in the same ball park.

Great thread, thanks for starting it. My DH is having one soon and he’s really making a big deal about it. I’ve had 3 vaginal births including forceps and 2 c-sections plus 3 rather horrible miscarriages. I think he’ll be ok .

@Tal45

Definitely no comparison with childbirth!! Not even in the same ball park.

Don't you think that depends? My first birth was painfree and to be frank orgasmic. I wish they'd all been the same but that's another matter.

Some vasectomies, maybe the vast majority, are simple and easy but I would bet the worst experiences would be worse than my first birth.

I can't see how the comparison with childbirth is helpful or relevant

Some births and recovery are a walk in the park,
others take weeks if not months to recover, with long-lasting damage that need surgery, let alone a huge mental trauma that is too easily dismissed.

Pretending that all mothers will, and should, "crack on" is so sexist and unhelpful.

People talking about their own vasectomy are relevant, even if everyone is different.

My first birth was painfree and to be frank orgasmic

I rather suspect that if you compare the number of pain free and orgasmic births to the ones that are painful and non-orgasmic you’ll see that you’re in a tiny, tiny minority. So while there will always be outliers, no, overall, I don’t think it depends.

@SourAppleChew

10% of men have long term pain which is sometimes incurable.

I wonder what the percentage is of women who have long term pain/complications from pregnancy and birth? As someone else said my sympathy is slim to nil too. My husband refused to have it done so I have been sterilised. I will always think less of him for it.m after everything I went through with my pregnancies and births.

The embarrassment and uncomfortable factors can do one after all the smears, labours, piles, UTIs etc. That we go through. Any complaints about vasectomies get a short shrift from me.

My ex had one, couple of days of paracetamol and he didn't drive for a day or so then he was right as rain

My DH was fine after his. He was swollen and bruised for about a week. He had it done on the Friday and was back at his manual job on the Monday. He sat with some cool blocks from the freezer on his bits every night. It helped bring the swelling down.

I wonder what the percentage is of women who have long term pain/complications from pregnancy and birth?

I posted earlier that 90% of women who have a vaginal birth have some degree of tearing and 20% of women still have incontinence ten years later, and that's just the ones who report it so I'd wager that many more case go unreported. A recent survey on post-birth issues carried out by Mumsnet had a high rate of complications and long lasting effects reported including pain or discomfort during sex, incontinence, prolapse, fecal incontinence, loss of sensation, disfigurement (shocking amounts of women who have been stitched up 'wrong'), mental health issues including PTSD (around 8% of women develop PTSD as a direct result of childbirth). Its fairly sobering reading, especially the stats on what sort of support is available for these issues (spoiler: not much).

10% of men have long term pain which is sometimes incurable.

Another review study found it was 1-2%. Compare that to the number of women who experience significant problems after childbirth or as a result of hormonal birth control or from having a coil fitted.

DH had one 20 years ago. He drove to the GP who did it after surgery hours. Drove home and drove to work the next morning, just carrying on with life as normal. No issues. Maybe a bit sore the first day, but I don’t remember him complaining.

DH drove himself home, rested for 24 hours then went back to work the day after. I think he golfed about 4 days after and was fine.

My husband had his one evening last summer. He said the doctor talked non-stop through the whole procedure. Later the same evening the doctor phoned him to say he had seen 4 men that evening and had been through his bin and only found 7 'vas', so would DH mind coming back for him to check him over. He even came and collected him in his car. DH said the groping about to check it had been done properly (it had) was more painful than the procedure itself! Nightmare scenario I guess, and we did wonder about sueing him! But either way, DH recovered very quickly. Well worth it too!

My brother in law really suffered, he could barely walk for a week and the swelling was awful (I took his word for it...had no intention of checking for myself). This was from a pretty stoic man who'd shrug off half his arm hanging off as just a scratch.

However he does seem to be unlucky based on the relatively small group of men I know who've had the snip - all of the others breezed through it with barely a wince.

Comparisons with childbirth are ridiculous. One person's pain does not mean someone else can't feel pain. Breaking my leg (and the subsequent 6 operations) was far more painful than childbirth, doesn't mean that childbirth pain is less 'worthy' because that's just my experience and I can't speak for all people who experience pain.

I think the heavy lifting may be so it doesn't undo? (Dunno, a guess). Check the aftercare for women having their tubes tied. It is more invasive but I bet it's a lot more 'gently, gently' than after having a baby!

After my c section (very invasive surgery!) for twins I was supposed to take care of one baby whilst the other was in special care, to visit that baby (walking) on another floor of the hospital whilst arranging for (very reluctant) midwives to watch my other baby. It was really difficult.

48hrs no driving and a week of no heavy lifting is not much compared to most operations. More like a precaution to avoid pulling out stitches and so on. It seems about right.
I think the way many women are treated after birth is terrible, isn't there a MN campaign about it right now? That is the real problem.

@MaMelon

My first birth was painfree and to be frank orgasmic

I rather suspect that if you compare the number of pain free and orgasmic births to the ones that are painful and non-orgasmic you’ll see that you’re in a tiny, tiny minority. So while there will always be outliers, no, overall, I don’t think it depends.

As I said in an earlier post I had 4 and all different from painfree to pretty horrific and definitely scary. The point is it does depend, if you asked me about childbirth after my first I'd say it was a wonderful experience, if you asked me after my 4th I'd say if it had been my first it would also have been my last.

I'm sure experiences of vasectomy also vary and one person saying it is terrible is no more informative than another person saying it is a breeeze.

The trouble with outliers is they are people with feelings just like you so if you happen to have my first experience then it's great, if you have my 4th experience it is terrible but neither would be a good basis for deciding to have a baby or a vasectomy.

It's not too bad just uncomfortable, mind doesn't help when I get home to an excited toddler who runs into the nether regions

The leaflet says no driving for 48 hours, no lifting heavy things for a week. It seems to suggest that it will be very traumatic.

You're not supposed to drive for 6 weeks after a C-section. And this is just 48 hours. Which means the "trauma" of a vasectomy is 1/21 of a c-section. And no newborn to take care of.
He'll be fine

The trouble with outliers is they are people with feelings just like you so if you happen to have my first experience then it's great, if you have my 4th experience it is terrible but neither would be a good basis for deciding to have a baby or a vasectomy

No - but you can weigh up the likelihood of a pain free birth with no complications whatsoever v. pain and complications, just as you can do with a vasectomy. Vasectomies are far less risky and the level and duration of pain is less/shorter than many other procedures. That’s not to say they’re particularly pleasant obviously.

Most vasectomies are a piece of cake, but a few do go badly. The location of vasectomy is very prone to getting a large haematoma because the scrotal tissue is elastic, and it just stretches and fills up with more and more blood. That is the main reason the docs recommend that the man sit around for a few days and avoid picking up anything heavy for a bit longer.

As others have mentioned, there is about a 1-2% risk of chronic pain which may require a vasectomy reversal or spermatic cord denervation to treat. I collect stories about this at www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain. Fair number of mumsnet stories over there now come to think of it.

I know a few who've had it done. Some sailed through it, others had a bit of tenderness for a couple of days.
My brother had it done around 10 years ago and still has problems and pain.

Dh had his done 12 years ago. Apparently one of his tubes was stuck behind something, so they needed to 'dig'. One side was fine, but the other was like a purple avocado.
BEST TIP EVER
Where tight briefs with a maternity pad for cushioning.
And ice.