To ask if a vasectomy is really that bad?

[DrSeuss]

I suspect it is painful and somewhat embarrassing. I should add, it isn’t DH who is making a fuss or playing the victim, he finds the leaflet we have been given as sill as I do. I just want to check that it’s usually pretty straightforward. If you tell me it’s really awful I will take care of him, I promise!
The leaflet says no driving for 48 hours, no lifting heavy things for a week. It seems to suggest that it will be very traumatic.

I have had two children, both pretty easy births but still involving pushing a human out of my fanny while already feeling shit through nine months of working as a teacher while pregnant. As is the modern way, much to my mother’s surprise, I was then expected to look after the baby completely until discharged 24 hrs later. I had it far easier than some and vividly remember seeing a woman stagger down the corridor in the maternity ward with a wheel cot in one hand and a drip stand for her blood transfusion in the other. With baby number 2, I was home a few hour after the birth. The following day I did two loads of washing and the day after that I took my son to school then drove myself and the baby to the supermarket. My husband had to work and we have no family nearby to help. I just had to get on with it. I imagine many women do something similar.
A part of me finds the vasectomy booklet hilarious but another part is annoyed that it suggests men need gentle handling while I and many others just had to crack on.
If you say I am being unfair and that he will be incapacitated then fair enough, he can sit around with an ice pack on his nads or whatever!

It's not traumatic in the slightest. Nor is it embarrassing?

I drove my husband home, he did what the Doctor told him to do. No driving, no lifting, no walking dogs who pull on leads etc. Made a full recovery quickly mainly pain feee without any complications.

A friend didn't rest, walked home, went back to a physical job and recovery didn't go well for him.

@Carrott21

The good stories are all well and good, if it goes like those then fine. Listen to the bad stories and think that it could be like that, because once it's done and it's not gone well, that's what you have to deal with.

Well 90% will be good news stories - totally unproblematic, or minor issues all resolved within a couple of weeks

10% for serious complications (source, NHS Choices) needs thorough consideration

Dh had one earlier this year. Didn't bother him in the slightest afterwards. Walked home and was back in his relatively active job 4 days later. Would've been happy to start back earlier but I insisted he have at least a few days off

I had mine, drove home after. Then got changed and went to work for the night shift, 10 hours of it.

No time off at all.

1980’s RAF

Dh had it a couple of years ago, he stayed in a hotel for 2 nights (as clinic is nowhere near us) and then drove himself home, he said it was fine, just a bit tender the first night and had to wear tighter pants for a little bit.

Every procedure has risks, all of them, however a vasectomy is at the low end of the risk spectrum and much less risky then a repeat pregnancy. When I had youngest DC the surgeon who did my section advised me not to get pregnant again, they can't say "don't" because free will and all that but they strongly advised against it. I asked about being sterilised and DH asked about a vasectomy, she said she would not recommend further surgery for me and between the two would recommend that DH have a vasectomy as a vasectomy has a lower failure rate fewer complications, and is a much simpler procedure.

The operation is already booked so its safe to assume that OP's husband has already had the discussion with himself, OP, and his GP about the risks vs benefits and has taken the decision to proceed. His body, his choice.

My DH had one and he had a reaction to the anesthetic. He was very unlucky in that sense but the procedure was a success and he still claims it was worth it.
I don't know why they call it the snip - like one snip and its done. The way the doctor burned the ends of the tubes was very shocking for me to witness (and yes I was allowed to sit in on the procedure, which I wouldn't recommend).

Luckily he had no complications afterwards so we got the desired outcome.

I suspect it is painful and somewhat embarrassing.
Not painful. Not really embarrassing when you remember the doctors & nurses are doing dozens of these a day. And my ex-wife decided to pick up some dining chairs she'd bought on eBay on the way home. So I had to lift those into the car. (That's not why she's my ex-wife, by the way.) The idea that someone might need time off work is comical, unless the incision has got infected or the doctor dropped a tray of instruments on his goolies.

Sorry, I'm assuming your husband's job doesn't involve heavy lifting or straining.

10% for serious complications (source, NHS Choices) needs thorough consideration

For the purposes of balance, childbirth carries a 20% risk of long term incontinence and a 3% risk of fecal incontinence. Around 13% of women will require an emergency caesarean section (aka, major surgery) and all the risks associated with it. Approximately 90% of women having a vaginal birth will have tear, for some this will be a third or fourth degree tear which has long term effects.

I agree with a PP who said it’s not a race to the bottom.

Maternity care is shockingly underfunded in this country and nothing to aspire to. I think the recommendations post vasectomy sound sensible and I think the focus should be on better care for women, not worse care for men.

That said, my DH was one of the lucky ones who bounced straight back and had no problems. I wish the same for your DH, OP.

DH did a bit too much on day 3 or so (commuted into london, went on tube etc) and so he was in a lot of pain, had a lot of soreness for about a week but then was fine

What I'm saying is that I had two horrendous, medicalised, traumatic births, and I was very much, it's your turn now, oh everyone is on the golf course by the afternoon etc. When it went wrong, only then did we look into all the risks etc as if they were real. We have never met anyone who's had a bad one. It's really important to look after him and not trivialise it just because we're women who have been through worse reproductively.

I thought the "take it easy" advice was to minimise bruising/swelling/pain rather than because its dangerous or a bad recovery.
To be fair a swollen black and blue scrotum doesn't look too fun! But yes, women are expected to get on with it after far worse.
I particularly enjoy the feeling like your insides might fall our after a VB

My spouse had more issues with the epidural used for the vasectomy than he did with the vasectomy itself.

He gets the occasional painful testicular twinge now and then and found the recovery okay, but he already had mechanical damage to the spine and some nerve damage before the operation, had the change in plan on the day so he wasn't really prepared for it (before there was a discussion on local vs general with his size and disabilities), and the epidural got fucked up which resulted both in not getting enough during the first part of the procedure so he felt the tugging enough to flinch which thankfully prompted that being dealt with, and after there was months of back pain being harder to manage and possibly further nerve damage (the latter is hard to tell as nerve damage can be progressive, but there are signs there is a link).

It is ridiculous how most other medical situations get a lot more concern and sympathy compared to birth and related complications, but I'd rather they were more cautious with birth (even as someone who was eager to get home, far better care compared to an overstretched hospital) than be less cautious with other procedures. I think driving caution is normal when certain anesthetics are involved, and the lifting I think there might be a raised rish of testicular hernia during the healing process related to lifting.

Carrot21 if we only listened to negative stories the birthrate would plummet anyway because women would refuse to have babies.

My dh had it done by the "no scalpal" method. Local anaesthetic so no epidural. Chatted to the doctor the whole way through. He was in work the next day....

if we only listened to negative stories the birthrate would plummet anyway because women would refuse to have babies

Yes and the same as with the vasectomy, I wish I'd listened and taken more seriously the risks of childbirth and how women are lied to.

Dh was given a leaflet that said to stay in bed for 48 hours afterwards. He then couldn't drive or go to work for 2 weeks after that. When I had an emergency c-section and sepsis and spent 2 days in hdu I got a lot less looking after. Postnatal care really needs to change.

Wow, I had no idea some men got epidurals for a vasectomy! DH just had local anaesthetic.

Pisses me off really when you think about how hard many of us had to fight to get appropriate pain relief during labour.

@Carrott21

if we only listened to negative stories the birthrate would plummet anyway because women would refuse to have babies

Yes and the same as with the vasectomy, I wish I'd listened and taken more seriously the risks of childbirth and how women are lied to.

Childbirth varies so much, which story do you believe? When I had my first I thought it was wonderful, I had no painrelief as I didn't need it. The only bit I found painful was the stitches. Couldn't wait to go through it again only the second time it was a long hard slog. Still not that bad but not fun. The next two were one EMCS, very traumatic, and one rather unpleasant forceps. Not fun at all.

By choosing which birth I told you about I could paint a truly wonderful experience or a hellish day with terrible pain.

I daresay vasectomy stories also vary.

My dh had his in the gp surgery! Took 10 minutes. He rested over the weekend and went back to work on monday.

Pisses me off really when you think about how hard many of us had to fight to get appropriate pain relief during labour.

As I said, it did not give appropriate pain relief - he ended up feeling part of the procedure to the point they had to stop mid procedure to top him up which is unusual for such a short procedure.

The whole reason he got it is, on the day, the anesthesiologist deemed him too heavy/fat to use a local, but didn't want to use a general either so epidural it was. My spouse argued against it because of his back injuries, but was basically given the choice of that or no vasectomy (which he'd waited over a year for and through multiple consultations was never told he might end up with an epidural).

He's really not an example of pain relief done well, it's more compared to how some women do get epidurals during labour but aren't given an appropriate dose.

Resting just makes it more likely the healing will be free from problems, wound opening up etc. My dh was lifting logs on the afternoon of his morning vasectomy cos he's the kind of person who takes no notice of sensible advice and hates sitting still. He got away with it and was fine. So you know, it's just about tipping the odds, you make your choice and you take your chances.

My exh had to have it done twice. It was a pity they didn't castrate him but that's another story. He took a few days to recover from the second op.

Be aware though that some very unlucky men are left in permanent pain. I think the risk is quite low but it's still there.