To refuse to attend because I have nothing to wear....

[Pisstakemuch]

Wedding this weekend. I been having some health issues and currently have quite a bloated stomach. Literally, none of my dresses fit without me looking 5 months pregnant! Even if I tried to buy a new one, I can't see how I can hide it.
I really just want to tell DP I'm not going. I'd be so self conscious and uncomfortable, not to mention the criticism of my toxic in-laws. AIBU?

Get some spanx for the occasion, no-one will be looking at your tummy.

It’s your body. Why hide it?

Do you like the couple and want to see them get married?

How would you feel if someone you were looking forward to seeing at your wedding had bailed with a week to go over outfit issues?

You’ve got a medical condition. Not your fault and no need to feel self conscious. Wear the thing you feel most comfortable in and have a great time.

Why not try plain trousers and matching top with a patterned or different colour long shirt or jacket over the top, left unbuttoned. This really disguises a bit of a tummy, and in all honesty, I doubt whether the bloating makes you look as big as you think. Unfortunately, we women all tend to see the worst of ourselves, but I promise you, it's highly unlikely that other people, will notice.

@corhona it's beyond that. They don't work.
@annelovesgilbert I don't particularly like the couple and vice versa but it's DPs family so expected
@speakup I have a very small chest so it's even more obvious

How would the couple getting wed feel about your absence? Are there other friends/family going that you are looking forward to seeing? Aren’t those factors more important than your self consciousness? There are a million floaty midi dresses out there that will skim your tummy. Or are you looking for an excuse not to go because of the in-laws and not your tummy at all??

That’s fucking rude

Why don’t you just start an AIBU saying you don’t want to go to a wedding because you don’t like the couple or your in laws.

It's not rude, I don't think, you'd be uncomfortable. Will your DH say you've been affected by your medical condition and are feeling under the weather?

It’s such short notice. What are you planning on saying? Is DH okay covering for you?

I never said I didn't want to attend anyway. I am totally committed to attending these things for DP and was looking forward to the venue.
Floaty dresses don't work for me because if my lack of chest.
I would never expect anyone who felt self-conscious or uncomfortable to feel like that for my benefit.

Also, it wouldn't make a difference to the couple, number or price wise. It's a reception disco/buffet after the very small covid wedding they had in November

Its very rude to not go to a family wedding at short notice because of your vanity

But the couple will have paid for your meal etc and they presumably could've had someone else attending if you had given them notice.

You're not refusing to go but declining the invitation. Wake up with a tummy bug and be totally upset that you can't go and wave him off from the bathroom window. I totally sympathise - if you're likely to feel bad then why would you put yourself through it?

🤣🤣 Typical MN! 🤣🤣 There's a hell of a difference between vanity and being so self conscious you struggle to even do the school run

@cheshire it's a buffet.

So what reason (sorry, lie) is your husband going to say if you don’t go at such late notice?

Sounds like you’re definitely not going and want people to agree you’re right. Why have you left it until now if these issues have been going a while?

You have my sympathies. I went through a similar thing a few years ago with bloated stomach and small chest. I went to the event and wore a loose fitting dress with a kind of shawl/wrap. It gave me some kind of comfort because I felt hidden under the shawl and there was something quite comforting about having something wrapped around me. Take a big handbag with you and chunky necklace and hopefully that will help you xx

If I could find anything at all to wear I'd happily go

Have they paid for you already? We got married last week - drop outs made me cross as we'd paid

Could you go to Primark or Asda etc and buy a floaty dress in a size or two bigger than you normally where? Choose a pretty fabric and style it out.

One of my wedding guests didn’t show up on the day, her brother told me it was because she didn’t have anything to wear and felt self conscious of her size.

To be honest I thought it was really rude and haven’t invited her to any other occasions since.

Yup you should probably go. Get yourself off to a charity shop. Buy something that fits you. No one cares if it looks good, just let it cover your parts - honestly people are not much interested in other people and what they are wearing. And go. Its not fair to cancel at short notice and people are much more likely to comment on you not being there. You sound like you want to be told that its okay not to go, but it really isn't. Sometimes it is expected that we do stuff that is difficult for us. Sometimes we even end up enjoying it.