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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why MN is so unpleasant about SAHMs?

978 replies

crinklyfoil · 25/07/2021 07:39

While I know there are cases when women aren’t married and don’t own property and are in a vulnerable position, I’m not talking about posters who are concerned about women.

I’m talking about posters who believe that SAHMs have no say in finances, should ‘get a job’ and are somehow lazy.

A FT childcare place costs around £800 a month. If you have more than one child, realistically for many women, ‘getting a job’ will mean working at a loss. Not to mention problems with shift work at the lower paid end of the spectrum (retail work and care work.)

Is it really so awful that having a SAHM might just work really well for some families? That some women might thoroughly enjoy it and that it’s part of a mutually beneficial relationship in the context of the whole family?

Or should everyone just get a job, regardless of how miserable and poor it makes the whole family?!

OP posts:
duckyla · 27/07/2021 20:00

Is that to me? Make what work? If a women was on minimum wage or a care worker & she ends up getting a divorce my "expert" advice would be the same. Always include the higher earners pension in any financial settlement eg don't settle for more equity or maintenance & ignore the pension. I don't work in careers 🤷🏻‍♀️

pinkfanman · 27/07/2021 20:07

I didn't think my scenario was so complicated - or so inflammatory. It would be nice to think everyone on min wage enjoyed their job and would do it for free (or pay to do it because it wasn't all about the money). Why so tetchy now? I'm sure someone needs this advice. Would you suggest she stays at a minimum wage job and pays a childminder more than her salary - given she will not be giving up career progression opportunities and her doing paid work rather than being a SAHM will be costing the household money.

duckyla · 27/07/2021 20:09

@Flossing I'm pretty sure someone referred to all the SAHMs at their dc's prep school who were married to men worth millions & people who didn't work for a salary but had investments & interests, etc And plenty have said they have their own income or safety net. Hence why I posted my post, that's all.

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